Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions.... - Page 7 - Talk About Marriage
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post #91 of 196 (permalink) Old 02-26-2017, 02:57 AM
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

Hi @Justaverage . How did was the wedding?

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post #92 of 196 (permalink) Old 02-26-2017, 03:13 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

Wedding went Ok brother collapsed and didn't have a lot of energy but refused to go to the hospital and soldiered on and had his first dance with his beautiful new bride. For putting this wedding togeather in the amount of time we did it turned out far better than I could have hoped for and we had about 100-150 Friends and family show up. Found out the issue though it was jealousy on her part but I don't know why she would be feeling like this in all honesty but I haven't brought it up to her or talked to her about it as my brother told me what was going on. But his next treatment is this coming Friday so a short break before he is back into the fight so to speak.
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post #93 of 196 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 11:41 PM
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

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Wedding went Ok brother collapsed and didn't have a lot of energy but refused to go to the hospital and soldiered on and had his first dance with his beautiful new bride. For putting this wedding togeather in the amount of time we did it turned out far better than I could have hoped for and we had about 100-150 Friends and family show up. Found out the issue though it was jealousy on her part but I don't know why she would be feeling like this in all honesty but I haven't brought it up to her or talked to her about it as my brother told me what was going on. But his next treatment is this coming Friday so a short break before he is back into the fight so to speak.
That's great that the wedding went so well despite his collapsing and being so exhausted but pushing through for the sake of celebrating a joyous event.

Since she's a tired new mommy, stressed, and worried the same as you regarding brother/husband, it's no wonder she feels pressure from all sides.

I mentioned before that you and he have a history together, you're blood. That's long established. What they have is new and growing, more complicated. She needs to find her place with his other girl (you). She will come around. Let your brother help her see you both love him in different ways. New marriage needs privacy.
Ask his opinion of what can be done to ease her into a happy family.
I hope they like your gifts! Has baby grown or changed quite a bit since his birth?
Who will take your brother to chemo?
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post #94 of 196 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 03:26 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

They loved the gifts I was really happy that they liked them. My nephew has gotten a little bit bigger and is still adorable as hell and I love him. I think I am gonna take him unless she has a problem with it or reacts badly for some reason I don't know his wife has been strange and I know she is under a lot of pressure. Just don't see any reason at all for her to be jealous of our relationship but ya know what Do I know? She didn't really speak to me at the wedding or since then and I am not gonna push it and create any issues. My only goal is to make things easier for them and for my brother to get better.
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post #95 of 196 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 01:27 AM
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

You've got a great attitude despite the situation. You're brother is surrounded by some great ladies!

I hope you do get to take him to chemo. You don't want the baby exposed to germs. Even if grandma babysits, she could pass them to him via transfer. Plus, she needs her rest and bonding time.

Also, I'm glad they liked your gifts! I hope they got some nice ones over all.
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post #96 of 196 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 02:42 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

Thank's I am taking him to chemo later today well gonna try anyways. Brother said he talked with her to try and get her to back off and chill out a bit. But I didn't ask him for him to talk to her or anything like this and I told him I wish he hadn't because I don't want rifts to form I mean they just got married so they need to try and make the most out of things. See how she reacts to me later today when I go to pick up my brother for his treatment.
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post #97 of 196 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 03:56 AM
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

A little word of hopefully wise advise. When a couple are married, they are supposed to physically and emotionally leave their previous family and be a new unit on their own. This doesn't mean that they can't see and have contact with their wider families, but that their new family is now their priority and focus. He is supposed to put his wife and child first, and she is supposed to put her husband and child first.
I appreciate that you seek to have this close relationship with him, especially now that he is ill, but she and the baby are now the number one and two priorities in his life, and that's how it should be.
So take a step back, try not to swamp them, help out ONLY when asked(they know that you are wiling to help), and contact them maybe once or twice a week to see how things are going, maybe visiting once a week or so to see them all if they are ok with that, and give as much attention to her as to him.
They are now a new unit, you have to appreciate that. Its not 'him' or 'her', its 'them'.Never ever make him chose between you in anyway, he should chose her.
Let them have this time and space of newly being married with a new baby, a sometimes challenging time normally, even more so with this illness, they need this period of time.

Can I ask if you are married or have a partner?

Last edited by Diana7; 03-03-2017 at 04:03 AM.
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post #98 of 196 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 12:21 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

I am involved with a guy and have been for about three years now, Not sure why that matters honestly. I am not trying to make him chose between us I am just trying to help and want my brother to survive this cancer. But anyways I took him to his treatment today but he was so weak afterwards they had to keep him overnight again. He is getting worse and worse after each treatment and I don't know how on earth this is honestly helping him. Just hoping he is beating this and it isn't a sign he is getting worse and worse.
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post #99 of 196 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 04:19 AM
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

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I am involved with a guy and have been for about three years now, Not sure why that matters honestly. I am not trying to make him chose between us I am just trying to help and want my brother to survive this cancer. But anyways I took him to his treatment today but he was so weak afterwards they had to keep him overnight again. He is getting worse and worse after each treatment and I don't know how on earth this is honestly helping him. Just hoping he is beating this and it isn't a sign he is getting worse and worse.
Cancer treatment sadly does make you feel awful, but if its helping the tumour to shrink then its worth it. They will see what has happened after the first course and ask him whether he wants more treatment or not. That will depend on whether the tumour has shrunk or grown or stayed the same.
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post #100 of 196 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 01:22 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

Everything the Doctors have said seem to indicate it is working but it is just zapping the life out of my brother to the point he can't move after this last treatment. I realize these are different for everyone and how each individual reacts to it is also different but seeing someone who has a very athletic career and build just not be able to move because he is that weak is very disconcerting to see in all honesty. I didn't go see him today in the hospital or call anything trying to give them space and will let them call I guess when or if I am needed.

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post #101 of 196 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 03:02 AM
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

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Everything the Doctors have said seem to indicate it is working but it is just zapping the life out of my brother to the point he can't move after this last treatment. I realize these are different for everyone and how each individual reacts to it is also different but seeing someone who has a very athletic career and build just not be able to move because he is that weak is very disconcerting to see in all honesty. I didn't go see him today in the hospital or call anything trying to give them space and will let them call I guess when or if I am needed.
Thats pretty normal. Many people get really sick as well and loose their hair.
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post #102 of 196 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 04:28 AM
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

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Everything the Doctors have said seem to indicate it is working but it is just zapping the life out of my brother to the point he can't move after this last treatment. I realize these are different for everyone and how each individual reacts to it is also different but seeing someone who has a very athletic career and build just not be able to move because he is that weak is very disconcerting to see in all honesty. I didn't go see him today in the hospital or call anything trying to give them space and will let them call I guess when or if I am needed.
That's one of the worst parts of a loved one fighting cancer isn't it? I remember how weak my dad was...so hard to watch, but they do come good again as time goes on.

How many more doses in this round of chemo, do you know?

Hugs to you and your family x
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post #103 of 196 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 04:03 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

I believe he has one or two more rounds of Chemo before he is done. But he is still in the hospital that is three days straight, I guess from what I was told is he is incredibly dehydrated and unable so far to keep food down and so they are keeping him to try and get all of this sorted but the not being able to eat bit isn't helping with his energy at all. Just really hoping that is all it is, and that he isn't getting worse he needs to beat this and be around for his son. I at least got him to laugh a bit when I talked to him today and said if they had frequent flyer miles for hospitals he would have enough for a few round trip tickets in first class.
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post #104 of 196 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 04:45 AM
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

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I believe he has one or two more rounds of Chemo before he is done. But he is still in the hospital that is three days straight, I guess from what I was told is he is incredibly dehydrated and unable so far to keep food down and so they are keeping him to try and get all of this sorted but the not being able to eat bit isn't helping with his energy at all. Just really hoping that is all it is, and that he isn't getting worse he needs to beat this and be around for his son. I at least got him to laugh a bit when I talked to him today and said if they had frequent flyer miles for hospitals he would have enough for a few round trip tickets in first class.
They wont do the last one or two until he is stronger. Can you give me his name, we would like to pray for him, I believe God still heals today.
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post #105 of 196 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 10:53 PM
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

I'm so sorry he's had it that much rougher this time! I hope by now he is better hydrated. Maybe next round they can admit him to the hospital the day or night before they do the chemo and prep him with stronger meds to cope with the intense side effects a little better. It might be worth asking his oncologist what to expect.

How far away is the treatment center/ hospital? I'm glad you had him laughing! I'll be checking for your update. I did this morning and didn't see it! Hang in there.
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