Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...
I find it really interesting that no one expresses fear that a 22 year old woman won't be able to care for, be responsible for, and make life-altering decisions for, an utterly helpless newborn infant. But when we talk about her potentially doing those same things for a grown man who can help her and guide her by expressing his own wishes, suddenly she's incompetent? Fascinating.
OP, maybe your brother's fiancee isn't up to the challenges ahead. That's more a product of her personality, though, than of her age. So, if your concern is that she's a flighty, none-too-bright, obviously immature, ditherer, with a history of flaking out, then your concerns might be valid. If so, you might wish to address those concerns with your brother. If, however, you concern is that somehow their ages make them incapable of dealing with adult situations, then I think you may just be mistaken. Despite our modern concept of near-perpetual childhood, where many aren't considered to be "really" functional adults until they're 30, for most of human history - and even legally today - a 23 year old man and his 22 year old fiancée have been more than capable of making adult decisions for some years already. Because they were, and are, adults.
My suggestion would be that you offer any help and support you can. Then close your mouth, open your mind and heart, and help your seriously ill brother celebrate a marriage that may (depending on his prognosis) be one of the few bright spots of his life for the foreseeable future as he battles his illness. And resist with all your might your own, and likely your parents', temptation to reduce your brother from his status as an independent adult to a child who needs minding and managing "for his own good". There will be very few surer ways to drive him away than by treating him as a child when he wishes to feel like a man.
You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly upon our own point of view. - Obi Wan Kenobi
Last edited by Rowan; 01-24-2017 at 10:44 AM.