01-13-2009, 01:18 AM
Join Date: Jan 2009
| | Are we good candidates for couples therapy?
My girlfriend (ex at this moment) and I have known each other for about 2 years. We are young....both 28. We have a 15 month old son. We constantly fight it seems.....we always have issues with each other.
Just a really quick summary of events....
We started dating in December 2007 and we found out she was pregnant after we had been dating for 2.5 weeks.
We broke up several weeks after we found out and she ended up dating and I suspect being with another man only a few days after we broke up.
We didn't talk except for once or twice over the whole nine-month period because she would not take my calls, etc.
We started dating again after the baby was born and things started going well for a few months. She insisted on moving in (which I was NOT ready for) and we started fighting alot.
I just have a general sense that she is not appreciative of me or caring. Her excuse is always that it's because of stuff I have done to her and that I don't treat her good.
Basically.....I've made up several excuses to her as to what I thought the problem was (and naturally I took the blame). She seems to think she has done nothing wrong ever which angers me. She revealed to me a few weeks ago she lied about being on birth control (although I had asked her numerous times before we had sex if she was and she said she was.....she maintained this same lie until maybe 2 months ago). I had always been skeptical and had suspected this, however.
The bottom line is she is stubborn and accepts no responsiblity for anything.....
At the same time, I know I have said and done things to her I shouldn't have.....even though most of that was reaction to what she has done.
I am thinking of asking if she wants to go to therapy. I just feel we both have ALOT of resentment built up over our history. It's hard finding out we were going to have a baby when we didn't even know each other let alone know if we would stay together (it had only been 2.5 weeks). The resentment got deeper when she was with someone else after being pregnant and through alot of the other things she has did since. It just seems to be a pattern. I feel she has resentment towards me from alot of the things I have said or did in response to these things. As a result, whenever we get in a fight, I think it brings this resentment up.
I think it might mean more to her if she hears views on our relationship from someone neutral (counselor) as opposed to a family member or friend (who obviously side with her). I feel I am a reasonable person but it just seems to be adversarial whenever we try to talk these differences out because she will not take responsibility for anything and then thinks I am blaming everything on her when I explain my side. I just don't think we can do it on our own. I don't want to lose her....and if I have issues that maybe I don't realize, I want to hear it from someone neutral so I can fix them, too, and so we can be together as a family with her and my son.
Any thoughts? Thanks.