his ex is killing us

secondwifesadness · 12-20-2011, 01:13 PM

What's so funny is I am an ex wife my ex husband and I only talk when necessary about the kids I don't want him so I don't talk to him simple as that. I don't expect him to do things for me I really ignore him. That relationship is over so I don't get why she keeps coming around except unless she wants him back. He claims that's not the case but he's a man they never see it. We were both legally married to our exes but separated for 2 years for me 3 for him when we started dating we have known each other longer than we knew our exes we went to college together but never dated back then he doesn't see anything wrong with her 15 texts and calls a day because he says if she calls about my kids she can call as much as she wants it's insane I never call my ex I don't like talking to him that's why he is an ex. You are all right the Problem is my H not setting boundaries
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Jellybeans · 12-20-2011, 01:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by secondwifesadness

What's so funny is I am an ex wife my ex husband and I only talk when necessary about the kids I don't want him so I don't talk to him simple as that.

That's because you and your ex husband have good boundaries.

Is it possible your husband and his ex-wife aren't over eachother?

secondwifesadness · 12-20-2011, 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Laurae1967

This is not normal or acceptable behavior. Your man should NEVER be violent with you.....for ANY reason. That, for me, is a deal breaker. Your kids should not be in this environment and frankly, your kids could be taken away from you if you allow this abuse to continue. They should not be witnessing such things.

The other issue of the exwife calling is also a problem. He seems to have a problem setting boundaries with her and maybe is still in love with her.

I would get some counseling for yourself to figure out what is best for YOU and your kids. But bringing them up in a violent, angry environment is HORRIBLE for them and you really have a responsibility as a parent to bring them up in a calm, peaceful, SAFE family unit....which you currently don't have.

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secondwifesadness · 12-20-2011, 01:25 PM

The children have never been home when there have been incidents I would have been gone if that happened thats why I left their father usually we get into it when the kids are with the ex spouses and she keeps calling like she can't manage being a mother without him. She uses them being with her as a lure to get him over to her house that's when we fight because I think it's disrespectful for him to leave my house to go running over hers

Thanks

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LovetheDaisy · 12-20-2011, 01:34 PM

And so my question is, you knew him longer than your ex and you KNEW this was his relationship with his ex wife, so WHY DID YOU STILL MARRY HIM? I don't get that at all. And frankly, she isn't the one misbehaving it is your husband and you for thinking that this would change once you were married.......

Jellybeans · 12-20-2011, 01:39 PM

Secondwife--you may want to look into what is attracting you to this type of personality. You said your first marriage involved similar "incidents." Not cool. It's a pattern for you now.

secondwifesadness · 12-20-2011, 01:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jellybeans

That's because you and your ex husband have good boundaries.

Is it possible your husband and his ex-wife aren't over eachother?

That's what I suspect he swears that's not the case but it sure seems that way! Like I said she calls and texts daily! Several times a day. The last time I spoke with my ex was Saturday to confirm the plan to exchange the children over break from school. It was a 2 min convo literally she calls it texts daily between 8:30am and 11 then again around 2 if I called my ex like that he would wanna know what the hell was wrong with me. Notice the times of the calls. The kids are in school!
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LovetheDaisy · 12-20-2011, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jellybeans

Secondwife--you may want to look into what is attracting you to this type of personality. You said your first marriage involved similar "incidents." Not cool. It's a pattern for you now.

Totally!

secondwifesadness · 12-20-2011, 01:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LovetheDaisy

And so my question is, you knew him longer than your ex and you KNEW this was his relationship with his ex wife, so WHY DID YOU STILL MARRY HIM? I don't get that at all. And frankly, she isn't the one misbehaving it is your husband and you for thinking that this would change once you were married.......

Let me clarify. We knew each other before either of us met our ex spouses. I actually got married first and him 6 months later we have been friends all if these years
When we were dating we didn't live together so I had no idea he was like this with his ex. Honestly I don't think it was this bad they had a pretty nasty divorce this catering to her appears to be new if I knew he would be like this I would have made other choices. She became more manipulative once we got married the phone calls increase the text messages and the crying calls to him that he doesn't talk to her anymore that's how it all started so this was not something I thought would change because it wasnt that way before that's what makes it more frustrating
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