How to move on... - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-04-2017, 02:06 PM Thread Starter
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How to move on...

So I've been with this man for over six years now, seven in may. And this past year has been trying to out relationship. I found out in may he was talking t other females. Just talk. And that put me over the edge. Because he has had trust issues with me only because of past relationships. I've always been loyal never talked to any men, don't even have any male friends. And his explanation was I was distant and didn't show any affection. Well here we are now and it's still the same. The only reason I was distant is because he never touches me only when it's convenient. And we don't talk about our problems. It's always arguments. So of course I feel distant. If he would just cuddle with me and show he cared maybe I would feel more reluctant to give him more. I would feel loved. And now since everything. I just cannot forget about what he did, so I do bring up things and check on who he talks to. It's just really hard to get over. And I know with me keep on doing that it's just pushing further away. And I'm basically waiting for something to happen. Maybe it was just our itch. But it's going on a year and I just want things to go back to where we were.


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post #2 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-04-2017, 03:13 PM
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Re: How to move on...

If you are a BS you should not be apologising to yourself or anybody for not finding it easy to trust again.

Was he at all remourseful about talking with other women and what do you mean exactly about just talk - presumably inapproriate talk for a married man ???
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post #3 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-04-2017, 04:28 PM
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Re: How to move on...

Cheaters always have excuses, the main one is blaming the spouse.

If you are going to stay in this relationship you need marriage therapy, and he needs to stop talking with those other women.



You do matter!
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post #4 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 10:37 AM Thread Starter
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Re: How to move on...

He was talking inappropriately to one in particular. And with that one and few others he would say he is only here because of our daughter. And haven't seen him talk anymore. But I check daily as well. Which I know isn't healthy. And he showed a little remorse. But now when we argue and talk about going our separate ways it doesn't seem to affect him. He's the type who doesn't like to talk about things but will go and talk to his mother probably because he is a major mommas boy. We don't hold hands, snuggle on the couch. There is nothing physical only when of course he wants some. And his excuse is. He's not the touchy feely guy. When I know that's not true because when we first got together all we did was just that. Than I had our child and it was no more.

Maybe I am not attractive to him anymore. I don't know. Just wish I knew what I did to push him away


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post #5 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 08:39 PM
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Re: How to move on...

I feel for you as you seems to be wanting o put most of the blame on yourself for things not being right in the relationship. It's good to reflect on how we have contributed to the way a relationship is but have you got the balanace right? Dont beat yourself up too much.
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post #6 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 02:37 PM Thread Starter
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Re: How to move on...

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Originally Posted by release2016 View Post
If you are a BS you should not be apologising to yourself or anybody for not finding it easy to trust again.



Was he at all remourseful about talking with other women and what do you mean exactly about just talk - presumably inapproriate talk for a married man ???


What's BS mean?


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post #7 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 02:47 PM
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Re: How to move on...

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What's BS mean?


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It means Betrayed Spouse.

Whereas WS means Wayward Spouse.

Would couple's counselling be of benefit to you and your chap?

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http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk...-cheaters.html (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
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post #8 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 08:42 PM Thread Starter
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Re: How to move on...

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It means Betrayed Spouse.



Whereas WS means Wayward Spouse.



Would couple's counselling be of benefit to you and your chap?


Oh ok thank you. And believe me i thought of that to. And brought it up to him but he kinda cringed against it.


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post #9 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 09:57 PM
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Re: How to move on...

How to move on? Leave him and go find a couple guys to date at the same time. You'll forgot all about your cheating boyfriend in no time. 6 years and no ring? Get out now.
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post #10 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-11-2017, 09:51 PM Thread Starter
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Re: How to move on...

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How to move on? Leave him and go find a couple guys to date at the same time. You'll forgot all about your cheating boyfriend in no time. 6 years and no ring? Get out now.


I could never do that. I can't even look at other guys. My eyes are on only one. And even tho it was never confirmed if he actually did anything with anyone or not. He did swear on our child's life. So I do believe him. It's just trying to get past that he had those intentions and that he doesn't feel the same for me as I for him.


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post #11 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 09:28 AM
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Re: How to move on...

I think it all boils down to how long you are prepared to keep trying, and if at all he is prepared to try to make the relationship better. Also it depends if you find it possible to forgive him or not. If you can forgive, then it's down to if you can forgive and forget. I think most would have difficulty with the forgetting part and it seems from what you say that you feel a need to keep checking up on him, which is understandable.

So how long do you want to live this way. Maybe it's time to set yourself a time limit and if things are still not right once that time is up, then think about major changes as necy
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post #12 of 15 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 10:51 AM
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Re: How to move on...

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I could never do that. I can't even look at other guys. My eyes are on only one. And even tho it was never confirmed if he actually did anything with anyone or not. He did swear on our child's life. So I do believe him. It's just trying to get past that he had those intentions and that he doesn't feel the same for me as I for him.


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You are naive. Cheaters will say anything to cover their tracks. Anything. You think you know him better than that?
No, you don't. He's got his mind on other things and that changes a person.

My advice is to tell him how you felt. If it doesn't improve and stay improved, you get out.
Getting out is hard as hell and takes extreme willpower. But I can tell you, once this stuff starts, it rarely dies anything but get worse.

I'm sorry.
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post #13 of 15 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 12:34 AM Thread Starter
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Re: How to move on...

He just hates talking about anything. And when I say things he says he doesn't care. So maybe I should start acting the same way. I told him I took care of myself earlier because he couldn't get the done last night and he said he didn't care so I'm like well guess you not getting any than he said oh I'll get it elsewhere. I don't care if it was said out of anger or not that's a touchy subject. He's so difficult and I'm just sitting here wondering why do I love him and continue to stay.


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post #14 of 15 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 04:19 AM
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Re: How to move on...

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He just hates talking about anything. And when I say things he says he doesn't care. So maybe I should start acting the same way. I told him I took care of myself earlier because he couldn't get the done last night and he said he didn't care so I'm like well guess you not getting any than he said oh I'll get it elsewhere. I don't care if it was said out of anger or not that's a touchy subject. He's so difficult and I'm just sitting here wondering why do I love him and continue to stay.


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Because some women get treated like ****, are unhappy for many reasons and still stay.

Things will not change. Can live with that?
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post #15 of 15 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 05:55 AM
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Re: How to move on...

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He was talking inappropriately to one in particular. And with that one and few others he would say he is only here because of our daughter. And haven't seen him talk anymore. But I check daily as well. Which I know isn't healthy. And he showed a little remorse. But now when we argue and talk about going our separate ways it doesn't seem to affect him. He's the type who doesn't like to talk about things but will go and talk to his mother probably because he is a major mommas boy. We don't hold hands, snuggle on the couch. There is nothing physical only when of course he wants some. And his excuse is. He's not the touchy feely guy. When I know that's not true because when we first got together all we did was just that. Than I had our child and it was no more.

Maybe I am not attractive to him anymore. I don't know. Just wish I knew what I did to push him away


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He has done a great job making you feel guilty for his infidelity. It doesn't matter what issue has developed in your relationship, him reaching out to other women is NOT your fault! That is an ethical weakness on him.
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