Cheated...Do I still deserve him??
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Old 12-17-2011, 02:58 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Cheated...Do I still deserve him??

I apologize in advance for this being so long. However, I feel that you guys need to know the details before you can truthfully answer my question.

My husband (Aditya) and I are both American-born Indians (him 33, me 32). Both of our parents were very strict (no dating). We got married via arrange marriage. He had no sexual experiences before getting married (he lived at home while attending college). I had three partners on my record (I dormed). I chose him for marriage, because I was attracted to his personality. He had a very-strong can-do attitude. He did not (and still does not) believe in the word "impossible". Everyone who knows him will tell you that he takes on the biggest challenges in life, and finds a way to succeed. As a result, he has made himself a multi-millionaire ($300 million+ net worth).

Though he was great to talk to (during our early days of marriage), he was not too good in bed. It makes sense, since he had no practice with sex. During the first few times, he would orgasm almost instantly. This was really starting to frustrate me. My friends told me that he was underperforming due to my attractiveness. I have won numerous beauty contests in college, and won an award for "Sexiest Sister" in my sorority (which over 50 girls were competing for).

My frustration caused me to make a big mistake just two months into my marriage. I had a short affair with a very hot guy. It lasted a week (two sexual encounters). During this week, Aditya and I had a talk and he told me that he is going to do whatever it takes to make sex with him so mind-blowing that I will always be screaming for more. The level of confidence and passion that he expressed touched me so much that I stopped the affair. I decided not to tell Aditya about it just yet (as I felt it would not make him feel good if he found out his wife had already cheated).

In less than a month, my husband made his promise a reality. The orgasms I experienced having sex with him were more intense than I have felt even during masturbation. As a couple, our connection also became better. Around this time, I would find myself waking up in the middle of the night crying (especially on nights when we had sex). I felt so bad about what I did, and could not imagine how he would feel after I told him. He worked so hard to please me, and I did not have the patience to wait for a month. For a whole week, he consistently asked me what was wrong. Eventually, I revealed to him the sad truth and told him he could do anything he wants to "get even".

He told me he does not want to "get even". He actually said that he understands. He told me that a husband should be a good lover for his wife, and that if he isn't, the wife has the right to find someone to fill that role. Till this day, I do not agree with him. It is definitely my fault for cheating, and I will always feel ashamed of it. However, that night, we shared the "I Love You" with each other for the first time (arranged marriage, so this usually comes after marriage).

I got the realization that if he is doing so much to be a good lover (and husband overall), I should take action too. I resolved to become the best wife he could possibly have. However, I wanted it to be a surprise for him. I took a month off from work. Of course, every day, I dressed up as usual and pretended to go to work. However, I would go to Barnes & Noble instead, and spend the day reading (about sex, romance, marriages, everything I thought was necessary). All of this happened within that first six-month period. We have been married for almost six years.

This past month, something different has happened in my life. My husband went on a business trip for a month. He told me he was going to tend to some issues he was having in his offices in Miami. In the meantime, he hired a new gardner for our home and gave him a 1 month contract. The gardner was given a bedroom (right next to ours), in which he was free to do whatever he wished. Also, during the contracted month, the gardner could not get fired. This new gardner was a very well-built man. Every two-three days, he would have a new hot girl in his bedroom (and I could hear everything, because my room was right next door). It was even more annoying that this guy was constantly flirting with me. He even watched the sex tapes I made with my husband (which features us having oral, vaginal, and anal sex). He said he could emulate this type of wild sex for me in my husband's absence. Though this guy was doing the right things (from a flirtation and seduction standpoint), I was getting very mad, because I am happily taken. In my single days, I know I would have have been very attracted to this gardner. I wish I could fire him, but the contract did not allow me to. Also, although I am otherwise a very confident woman, adultery is a very touchy subject for me. I start crying, because it reminds me of what I did with my husband during our early days.

This gardner was pushing beyond limits. He even told me I was avoiding my emotions and that I was secretly very attracted to him. I challenged him that my love for my husband is so strong that I can watch him have sex with different girls and still not feel turned on by it. I watched two-three times, and proved myself correct.

I spoke with my husband everyday on the phone during this time. Two weeks into my husband's business trip, he told me that he was experiencing severe business losses (millions of dollars worth) and almost going bankrupt. I told him I would do whatever I can to help him. I only make about $200k a year (not as much as my hubby). I sold all of my jewelery (with the exception of my wedding ring and Mangal Sutra (Indian bride symbol). I raised $10 million dollars (not enough to bring him out of debt). I even started making plans to eliminate our housecare staff. He insisted I make no plans to sell our house (so I didn't). I told him I would do my best to support us until he brings his life back on track, and that I will love him and stay with him no matter what. The gardner was flirting with me more than ever during this time. He felt I was more vulnerable. He was saying things like, "Let me help you relax with a nice, erotic massage." He even told me to take the money from my husband's bank account and run, as his business losses were not my fault. I was getting uncontrollably mad at this gardner, but did not want to take any action that could be interpreted as "Employee Abuse".

Three days are left for my husband to return. Just yesterday, my husband told me to log into his e-mail and read all the e-mails between him and Arun (his best friend since childhood). Arun lives about a 5-hour drive from us. He is also a multi-millionaire, and has a very hot, loving wife who is a certified Counselor. She actually suggested a lot of reading material for me when I took the month at Barnes & Noble.

I read the e-mails and was shocked to find out that my husband's business trip wasn't really a business trip. It was an arrangement made by him and Arun. Arun was concerned that his best friend's wife (me) was just staying with him for the money. Arun once had a girlfriend who was really good at hiding her affairs. He felt I was the same, and wanted to make sure his friend does not get into trouble. He felt my hubby was too attached to me to see if this was the case. So, he advised him to stay away from me for a month (in Miami). In Miami, he would spend the days with Arun, looking at our marriage from the standpoint of reason.

From the e-mails, I also learned that when I revealed my affair to my husband, my husband secretly made a plan to make me fall in love with him and then dump me (within a year). The idea was to make me feel seriously heartbroken (and remember the heartbreak for life). Also, Aditya wanted to practice being with a woman, so he could effectively find another woman and please her beyond imagination.

Though, in his e-mails to Arun, my husband wrote after almost 2 years: "I can't do it. I could have done it if she remained the way she was. But, she has become just so perfect...in everything...sex, romance, personality, everything!!!"

My husband intentionally hired the gardner to test my faithfulness. The garnder is actually a trained Pick Up Artist. My husband wanted to see if I could cheat again, given the most tempting of circumstances. He gave the gardner every incentive to flirt with me. My husband said he would give him $1 million if he could get me to sleep with him. Otherwise, he would be given a gardner's salary for a month. The gardner e-mailed him saying "Wow, a million dollars and a super hot wife...I'm in".

Also, my husband is NOT going broke. That was just a way for him to test if I love him (and not just his money). I do not blame my husband at all for any of this. This experience actually helped me learn how much I really love him. I am a bit upset that I had to sell my jewelry, but I guess this is not that important. The gardner apologized to me and told me he was just doing his job. He said that he never believed in marriage, but after this experience, he is going to end his promiscuous lifestyle. He told me that he never knew a wife could give such good sex (which he saw from my videotapes). He said that I am the first wife who he was not able to sway.

Even Arun apologized to me. He told me that his opinions about me were very wrong, and that I am the best wife my husband could ever have.

But still, I have "crying attacks" whenever I remember what I did back then. Also, even though my husband and his friends have forgiven me, my parents and in-laws have not. My dad was always mean to me, but now, even my mom is very mean to me. They call me a "*****". My mother in-law says that she will see to it that my husband divorces me. A year ago, my husband and I went to Virgina with my mother in-law. She said she was not going to enter a temple with me, because I would make the temple un-pure. Also, she consistently told me (and Aditya) that I am a nasty ***** and deserve to be divorced. Even when I told her this story, she said that a cheater is automatically a *****, even if she does it only once. My parents seem to have the same feeling. They don't stop her from saying these things to me (though my husband yells at her). Even our relatives seem to agree with her, and consistently tell him that he should divorce me. This has caused us to move away from them (about 3 hour drive).

At times, I actually start questioning myself: Are they right? Does my husband deserve better than me? I want the best for my husband, because he deserves it. If his life will become better with me leaving, I am ready to do it. I will bear all the pain that comes with this.

My hubby has told me many times that I am the best thing that has ever happened to him. He says staying away from me for a month was hell, and he cannot wait to come back. I, myself, am very excited for his return. My husband's words fill me with confidence, but I cannot help feel bad about what everyone else is saying.

I just wanted a sort of public opinion on all of this. Do I still deserve him? Is there anything else I can do to be a better wife?

Last edited by his_dream_wife; 12-17-2011 at 03:13 PM.
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Old 12-17-2011, 03:27 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Cheated...Do I still deserve him??

You made a big mistake which he has forgiven you for (you should be thankful) Im asian myself and can understand that you feel like you have to do what ever possible to make yourself the "perfect wife" . Asian families are all about tradition and pride so from their point of view i can understand how much they are angry with you. I would suggest that you show them that you are worthy of him by staying together and showing them how much you love each other. I will say well done for not giving into temptation but what your husband did was harsh I mean when you cheated he wasnt away he was living with you so the need for him to go away to test you is something that i dont understand.Dont leave him stay together and show your family that you made a mistake and its not going to happen again. Your lucky that your husband forgave you most asian men will do what they can to humiliate their wife as your husband had planned dont walk when his wanting you to stay. Good luck
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Old 12-17-2011, 03:29 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Cheated...Do I still deserve him??

The two-three times you watched another man **** girls is cheating, IMHO.

Sure, you werent physically involved in the act, however you were present, and that added sexual intimacy for the guy.
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Old 12-17-2011, 03:54 PM   #4 (permalink)
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This is a great FICTIONAL story. I stopped reading after the OP wrote about the "gardener" watching her sex tapes she made with her husband. Puleez. Troll much?
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Old 12-17-2011, 03:57 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Laurae1967 View Post
This is a great FICTIONAL story. I stopped reading after the OP wrote about the "gardener" watching her sex tapes she made with her husband. Puleez. Troll much?
what makes you say its fictional??? i cant see it
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Old 12-17-2011, 04:15 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Cheated...Do I still deserve him??

That is one W I L D story. I will just assume this is a true story but I am with Laurae in her thoughts , with all the millionaire talk being thrown around like candy & the most beautiful of all in Beauty contests and such.

When you got to the Gardner part and his room was right next to yours, he couldn't be fired & he was HOT & flirty, I immediately thought this was a "Set up" of your husbands.

Personally I think it was a GOOD idea and wouldn't blame a husband for this testing if given the opportunity .........but it was TOO OBVIOUS. Any thinking woman could have figured -that might have been a plan, at least I would have entertained the thought.

I don't know, if you genuinely never entertained that was a Plan and held up against such temptation, I think it shows something -though I think him hiring someone less obvious would have been even better....for the proof he was looking for.

Watching this man having sex with these women is very strange. The story IS simply...too much.
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Old 12-17-2011, 04:27 PM   #7 (permalink)
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what makes you say its fictional??? i cant see it
LOL

Well, she's married to a multimillionaire. She's a beauty contestant winner. Her husband hires a gardener who just happens to be super hot and he has a "no fire" clause in his "one month contract"....oh, and he has a bedroom two doors down from her, because all gardeners who are on a one month contract get to share digs with their wealthy employers. He just magically finds the sex tapes she's made with her husband and he watches them in front of her and she doesn't get upset. Oh....and he has sex with women in front of her to "test" her ability to withstand her desire for him. And her husband thinks it's okay for her to have sex with other men. Should I go on?

This is straight out of a Harlequin Modern Romance, cheesy plot and all.

My guess is that this was written by a mail-order bride who is looking for her next meal ticket.
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Old 12-17-2011, 04:28 PM   #8 (permalink)
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i also believe it to be fiction. Millionaires dont exactly grow on trees and dont suddenly go bankrupt by mistake for no reason. I dont normally have a good word for counselors but this is stretching it too far. No one in his right mind would go testing a wife. I suppose some of the story is true and perhaps we can have the true version.
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Old 12-17-2011, 04:37 PM   #9 (permalink)
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This is a hoot. An arranged marriage where the woman chose him. Beauty contests in a sorority. 300 million net worth. A man who calmly accepts his wife's affair--he understands why. A gardener who sleeps in the next bedroom. Someone has too much time on his hands. I think that some bored guy wrote this.
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Old 12-17-2011, 04:38 PM   #10 (permalink)
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LOL

Well, she's married to a multimillionaire. She's a beauty contestant winner. Her husband hires a gardener who just happens to be super hot and he has a "no fire" clause in his "one month contract"....oh, and he has a bedroom two doors down from her, because all gardeners who are on a one month contract get to share digs with their wealthy employers. He just magically finds the sex tapes she's made with her husband and he watches them in front of her and she doesn't get upset. Oh....and he has sex with women in front of her to "test" her ability to withstand her desire for him. And her husband thinks it's okay for her to have sex with other men. Should I go on?

This is straight out of a Harlequin Modern Romance, cheesy plot and all.

My guess is that this was written by a mail-order bride who is looking for her next meal ticket.
HMMM!!!!! I can see your point now lol if it is a fake story this person has way to much time on their hands but who knows they have told a very believable "asian background" story lets see if they respond to the suggestions/opinions made
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Old 12-17-2011, 05:02 PM   #11 (permalink)
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This isn't even a good piece of fiction...
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Old 12-17-2011, 05:15 PM   #12 (permalink)
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there once was a man from nantucket...............
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Old 12-17-2011, 06:30 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Thank you very much for your responses. S.k especially...You are right that adultery is not accepted at all in Asian backgrounds. I agree with you that the only way to show the family that I am worthy is by continuing life with my husband. After all, we both love each other. With the family, things will become well, because time heals the worst of wounds.

My husband chose to leave me (in order to test me) because his absence would increase my temptation to cheat. Before a man or woman cheats, they try to prevent getting caught by their spouse. What better way to lift this obstacle than to go away for a month and leave a hot guy within arms reach? Of course, there were cameras all over the house.

I am shocked at the number of people who feel this story is made up. It is not. The plot is true. Two things are a bit tweaked though:

1). The names. Of course, I am not going to use real names in the story (not with Google around).

2). The wealth. Though it is in the hundreds of millions, it is not exactly $300 million. It could be more or less (I will not say which one). Again, Google presents a danger.

I find it weird how people did not believe the multi-millionaire part. There are many multi-millionaires in America. Most people do not know 90% of them. For example, does anyone know who Phil Knight is? He is the 24th richest in America. He is the CEO of Nike, and worth $13.2 billion. Or Carl Icahn (worth $13 billion)? Has anyone heard of Bruce Halle (worth $4.2 billion...96th richest guy in US)...or Jon Stryker (worth $1.1 billion...375th richest in America). Better yet...would you recognize any of these people if you saw them on the street? Can you name even 50 people whose wealth is over $10 million? For most of you, I'm sure the answer to these questions is no. A person worth $300 million has less than 1/3 the wealth of the 400th richest guy in America. I'm sure this gives everyone a picture of the number of multi-millionaires in America. Yes, they don't grow on trees, but there are quite more of them than you think.

Also, many of you hinted that you find the gardner's plot unbelievable. Well, we treat all of our housecare staff with respect, and do provide them with living quarters (if they are new in the area, as the gardner was). This motivates them to do a good job. Also, we give them freedom to be human when they are not working (the freedom to have relationships and live life). The gardner found the tapes, because there are numerous plants in my bedroom (which the gardner waters and takes care of). Also, I kind of left the videos out, as I masturbated a lot to the videos while my husband was gone (I missed him!!!).

If anyone says that the trained Pick Up Artist bit is fake, they probably have not read "The Game" by Neil Strauss. Neil Strauss explains that each big city in the US has a community of people who are expert Pick Up Artists, who sleep with thousands of girls. Also, they probably have not heard of Mystery (has been declared World's #1 Pickup Artist) or David DeAngelo (considered a Guru in the area of Women and Dating). Might I add that these people are also multi-millionaires. I'm sure you guys know all about them (Not!).

I completely agree with the person who said I should have recognized this whole thing was a setup. But, my husband can be very unpredictable. Sometimes, he may seem to be doing one thing but actually be doing another. Also, I did not think he would test me like this. One of you even said that no husband in his right mind would test his wife like this. So, I thought he was not testing me. If he had done this immediately after I told him about the affair, maybe I would have picked it up. But, more than five years later, after everything is going really well???

Also, some of you don't believe I have won beauty contests? So, you think I can't be beautiful??? Or better yet, you think a beautiful woman can't be married to a rich man?

Also, many of you don't believe my husband can forgive me. But, remember...I told you that he was making plans to dump me in a year. When he said that he was okay with it (back when I first told him), he was faking it. After I took the month off for reading, and applied what I learned, then he changed his mind and decided to keep me.

Anyhow, my main purpose for posting this message was to affirm that I still deserve my husband. No one said anything along the lines of "you don't deserve him anymore". No one said I'm a bad person either. Best of all, no one said that our family members' opinions of me are correct. So, my post was a success. You guys have made me feel really good about myself. I can't thank you enough.

I understand there will be rebuttals to some of the points I have made, since many of you believe the whole story to be false. However, my goal is not to argue. So, don't expect a response from me if you do post a rebuttal.

I have better things to do, such as making preparations to welcome my hubby back.

Last edited by his_dream_wife; 12-17-2011 at 06:39 PM.
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Old 12-17-2011, 06:40 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Seems like you got your answer to your thread good luck. Good points by the way asians do find a way of making strangers family lol
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Old 12-18-2011, 03:56 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Okay, I apologize s.k. I see now that you brought up asian because you are that. But it seems odd that millionaire"allthatandabagofchips"wife would have said she was native american & not just agreeing with your asian observation.

Also, I apologize that maybe you just got pulled into the great fiction of the story. That you believed it. I guess we are more apt to believe people's stories here, because so many are looking for some kind of honest answer. So many of us are confused about some issues, and it is hard to spell out your story, so we tend to believe if someone came to this forum looking for advice.

I guess I just still believe OP to be pure fiction, 1) because of the eloquence of the speech, the flow of the story is just too good for someone who is currently upset. 2) about the net worth again. 3) that a wife would actually agree to watch someone else have sex "just to prove" that she could resist getting involved. -- Does not happen in real life. 4) private videos between hub/w are usually kept in a pretty secure place. I just don't believe that they were "left out" and seen when the plants were watered. --I've never heard of a gardener taking care of house plants. That would be maid, or the wife herself. So what, who took care of these plants before this suposed gardener came to the picture?? Nope, not buying that he was just watering the plants & saw the videos.

So, sorry s.k. if you were snuckered into believing her/him and i assumed wrong about you.
Lol I didnt believe the story written at first i did until laurea pointed out how the story was BS Hence the very sarcastic reply of asians and the "good points made" obviously someone has done their research before replying back LOL
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