Cheated...Do I still deserve him??
I apologize in advance for this being so long. However, I feel that you guys need to know the details before you can truthfully answer my question.
My husband (Aditya) and I are both American-born Indians (him 33, me 32). Both of our parents were very strict (no dating). We got married via arrange marriage. He had no sexual experiences before getting married (he lived at home while attending college). I had three partners on my record (I dormed). I chose him for marriage, because I was attracted to his personality. He had a very-strong can-do attitude. He did not (and still does not) believe in the word "impossible". Everyone who knows him will tell you that he takes on the biggest challenges in life, and finds a way to succeed. As a result, he has made himself a multi-millionaire ($300 million+ net worth).
Though he was great to talk to (during our early days of marriage), he was not too good in bed. It makes sense, since he had no practice with sex. During the first few times, he would orgasm almost instantly. This was really starting to frustrate me. My friends told me that he was underperforming due to my attractiveness. I have won numerous beauty contests in college, and won an award for "Sexiest Sister" in my sorority (which over 50 girls were competing for).
My frustration caused me to make a big mistake just two months into my marriage. I had a short affair with a very hot guy. It lasted a week (two sexual encounters). During this week, Aditya and I had a talk and he told me that he is going to do whatever it takes to make sex with him so mind-blowing that I will always be screaming for more. The level of confidence and passion that he expressed touched me so much that I stopped the affair. I decided not to tell Aditya about it just yet (as I felt it would not make him feel good if he found out his wife had already cheated).
In less than a month, my husband made his promise a reality. The orgasms I experienced having sex with him were more intense than I have felt even during masturbation. As a couple, our connection also became better. Around this time, I would find myself waking up in the middle of the night crying (especially on nights when we had sex). I felt so bad about what I did, and could not imagine how he would feel after I told him. He worked so hard to please me, and I did not have the patience to wait for a month. For a whole week, he consistently asked me what was wrong. Eventually, I revealed to him the sad truth and told him he could do anything he wants to "get even".
He told me he does not want to "get even". He actually said that he understands. He told me that a husband should be a good lover for his wife, and that if he isn't, the wife has the right to find someone to fill that role. Till this day, I do not agree with him. It is definitely my fault for cheating, and I will always feel ashamed of it. However, that night, we shared the "I Love You" with each other for the first time (arranged marriage, so this usually comes after marriage).
I got the realization that if he is doing so much to be a good lover (and husband overall), I should take action too. I resolved to become the best wife he could possibly have. However, I wanted it to be a surprise for him. I took a month off from work. Of course, every day, I dressed up as usual and pretended to go to work. However, I would go to Barnes & Noble instead, and spend the day reading (about sex, romance, marriages, everything I thought was necessary). All of this happened within that first six-month period. We have been married for almost six years.
This past month, something different has happened in my life. My husband went on a business trip for a month. He told me he was going to tend to some issues he was having in his offices in Miami. In the meantime, he hired a new gardner for our home and gave him a 1 month contract. The gardner was given a bedroom (right next to ours), in which he was free to do whatever he wished. Also, during the contracted month, the gardner could not get fired. This new gardner was a very well-built man. Every two-three days, he would have a new hot girl in his bedroom (and I could hear everything, because my room was right next door). It was even more annoying that this guy was constantly flirting with me. He even watched the sex tapes I made with my husband (which features us having oral, vaginal, and anal sex). He said he could emulate this type of wild sex for me in my husband's absence. Though this guy was doing the right things (from a flirtation and seduction standpoint), I was getting very mad, because I am happily taken. In my single days, I know I would have have been very attracted to this gardner. I wish I could fire him, but the contract did not allow me to. Also, although I am otherwise a very confident woman, adultery is a very touchy subject for me. I start crying, because it reminds me of what I did with my husband during our early days.
This gardner was pushing beyond limits. He even told me I was avoiding my emotions and that I was secretly very attracted to him. I challenged him that my love for my husband is so strong that I can watch him have sex with different girls and still not feel turned on by it. I watched two-three times, and proved myself correct.
I spoke with my husband everyday on the phone during this time. Two weeks into my husband's business trip, he told me that he was experiencing severe business losses (millions of dollars worth) and almost going bankrupt. I told him I would do whatever I can to help him. I only make about $200k a year (not as much as my hubby). I sold all of my jewelery (with the exception of my wedding ring and Mangal Sutra (Indian bride symbol). I raised $10 million dollars (not enough to bring him out of debt). I even started making plans to eliminate our housecare staff. He insisted I make no plans to sell our house (so I didn't). I told him I would do my best to support us until he brings his life back on track, and that I will love him and stay with him no matter what. The gardner was flirting with me more than ever during this time. He felt I was more vulnerable. He was saying things like, "Let me help you relax with a nice, erotic massage." He even told me to take the money from my husband's bank account and run, as his business losses were not my fault. I was getting uncontrollably mad at this gardner, but did not want to take any action that could be interpreted as "Employee Abuse".
Three days are left for my husband to return. Just yesterday, my husband told me to log into his e-mail and read all the e-mails between him and Arun (his best friend since childhood). Arun lives about a 5-hour drive from us. He is also a multi-millionaire, and has a very hot, loving wife who is a certified Counselor. She actually suggested a lot of reading material for me when I took the month at Barnes & Noble.
I read the e-mails and was shocked to find out that my husband's business trip wasn't really a business trip. It was an arrangement made by him and Arun. Arun was concerned that his best friend's wife (me) was just staying with him for the money. Arun once had a girlfriend who was really good at hiding her affairs. He felt I was the same, and wanted to make sure his friend does not get into trouble. He felt my hubby was too attached to me to see if this was the case. So, he advised him to stay away from me for a month (in Miami). In Miami, he would spend the days with Arun, looking at our marriage from the standpoint of reason.
From the e-mails, I also learned that when I revealed my affair to my husband, my husband secretly made a plan to make me fall in love with him and then dump me (within a year). The idea was to make me feel seriously heartbroken (and remember the heartbreak for life). Also, Aditya wanted to practice being with a woman, so he could effectively find another woman and please her beyond imagination.
Though, in his e-mails to Arun, my husband wrote after almost 2 years: "I can't do it. I could have done it if she remained the way she was. But, she has become just so perfect...in everything...sex, romance, personality, everything!!!"
My husband intentionally hired the gardner to test my faithfulness. The garnder is actually a trained Pick Up Artist. My husband wanted to see if I could cheat again, given the most tempting of circumstances. He gave the gardner every incentive to flirt with me. My husband said he would give him $1 million if he could get me to sleep with him. Otherwise, he would be given a gardner's salary for a month. The gardner e-mailed him saying "Wow, a million dollars and a super hot wife...I'm in".
Also, my husband is NOT going broke. That was just a way for him to test if I love him (and not just his money). I do not blame my husband at all for any of this. This experience actually helped me learn how much I really love him. I am a bit upset that I had to sell my jewelry, but I guess this is not that important. The gardner apologized to me and told me he was just doing his job. He said that he never believed in marriage, but after this experience, he is going to end his promiscuous lifestyle. He told me that he never knew a wife could give such good sex (which he saw from my videotapes). He said that I am the first wife who he was not able to sway.
Even Arun apologized to me. He told me that his opinions about me were very wrong, and that I am the best wife my husband could ever have.
But still, I have "crying attacks" whenever I remember what I did back then. Also, even though my husband and his friends have forgiven me, my parents and in-laws have not. My dad was always mean to me, but now, even my mom is very mean to me. They call me a "*****". My mother in-law says that she will see to it that my husband divorces me. A year ago, my husband and I went to Virgina with my mother in-law. She said she was not going to enter a temple with me, because I would make the temple un-pure. Also, she consistently told me (and Aditya) that I am a nasty ***** and deserve to be divorced. Even when I told her this story, she said that a cheater is automatically a *****, even if she does it only once. My parents seem to have the same feeling. They don't stop her from saying these things to me (though my husband yells at her). Even our relatives seem to agree with her, and consistently tell him that he should divorce me. This has caused us to move away from them (about 3 hour drive).
At times, I actually start questioning myself: Are they right? Does my husband deserve better than me? I want the best for my husband, because he deserves it. If his life will become better with me leaving, I am ready to do it. I will bear all the pain that comes with this.
My hubby has told me many times that I am the best thing that has ever happened to him. He says staying away from me for a month was hell, and he cannot wait to come back. I, myself, am very excited for his return. My husband's words fill me with confidence, but I cannot help feel bad about what everyone else is saying.
I just wanted a sort of public opinion on all of this. Do I still deserve him? Is there anything else I can do to be a better wife?
Last edited by his_dream_wife; 12-17-2011 at 04:13 PM.