Why does my husband lies so much?
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Old 12-17-2011, 08:43 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Unhappy Why does my husband lies so much?

I am so exasperated and it pains me. I don’t know what to do or what to think anymore.
I find that my husband lies to me, he’s constantly, lying to me for no particular reason. For the dimpliest thing, he lies. And it makes me wonder, why so many lies? Is it that he doesn’t love me?
I asked myself, how can I trust him? If he lies about the little things…. Like paying the bills, or his paycheck? Whether he bathes the baby or not…. Little things like that…n how can I trust him with the serious things.
I’m really confused… not sure if I’m making any sense…. There’s more going on in our marriage, things that I think is important, but he doesn’t. I don’t feel loved. I feel that he doesn’t love me…. Could it be that that’s why he lies to me??

Help!
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Old 12-17-2011, 10:32 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why does my husband lies so much?

Your living my life... except I've always felt loved.. just kept in the dark.

I've been reading about habitual liars and, I believe, it's because he has low self esteem and feels inferior in some way or another or fears rejected or shaming if he is seen to be wrong (stupid) about something.

My H has issues with abandoment from childhood....

All of these are reasons BUT not excuses for lies and secrets.

I have a thread about 'financial infidelity' it has some really good posts in there with practical ideas of how you can move forward with this.

Best of luck!
If you find the 'cure' for this...please let us know.
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Old 12-18-2011, 01:10 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why does my husband lies so much?

Some people are liars. Women as well as men. I dont think this proves he doesnt love you. I have found telling lies usually leads to a much quieter life. Its not always easy, for me anyway, to explain my actions so its easier to deny knowledge of them.
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Old 12-18-2011, 01:14 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why does my husband lies so much?

People who lie either think that the truth will upset their lives, or they do not trust anyone around them or they do not liek who they are so they are creating a new reality.
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Old 12-18-2011, 10:28 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why does my husband lies so much?

Some people are chronic liars. Your husband's frequent lying has nothing to do with how great or how little love you have between you. Its a psychological problem and also related to the lack of moral values. Most of these type of people are psychopaths and narcissists, and they don't love in the true sense a normal person do. They don't admit to their lies and when you catch them out, they will often transfer the guilt to you or justify their behavior in whatever ways they could, which will most likely be more lies. You will feel sad, lonely and emotionally abused in such a relationship.
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Old 12-18-2011, 10:38 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why does my husband lies so much?

My father is like this. One lie after another. The biggest drawback is that I've always been a truthful person my whole life. However, my mother insists that I'm lying and that I never tell her the truth. It's not a fair enviorment to grow up in, but I have a wonderful husband and that's all that matters.

I highly doubt he will ever change.
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Old 12-18-2011, 12:36 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why does my husband lies so much?

Thank you, Waiwera for your input. I don’t think it was fair of me to say that he doesn’t love me. My husband does a lot of things around the house, he helps me a lot and takes care of me when I’m sick, and he’s a great father to our daughter. What I meant to say is that I don’t feel the romantic love, He’s a good husband in the sense that unlike other man, he cleans, he works a lot in the house… he’a a handy man and he does provide for the house, he’s not an outgoing person, so going out never happens, he’s not detail… I don’t remember the last time he came home with a gift for me. I’m not materialistic… I will be happy with just a $.25 candy bar or a $5.00 rose… just anything that shows me that he cares and thinks of me… I don’t feel that washing the dishes or doing the laundry is enough… maybe is not fair of me to think like that… but as a woman I will like to be shown a little more “love”. Not sure if I’m understood.
However, I will definitely look in to your thread.

Accept- I agree with you too, women are liars too. But, you might be right, telling lies may lead to a much quieter life, but for how long?? The truth always comes out…sooner or later, so why wait into later to tell the truth… why not avoid all the heartache and headaches… I believe that for as little or big the truth may be, you should confide in someone , especially your spouse to be honest and trust that they will be there for you and appreciate the fact that you respected them to be honest. My husband lies for any stupid little thing, and that hurts! It hurts so much inside.
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Old 12-18-2011, 12:52 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why does my husband lies so much?

People only think about today. Today they want peace and quiet. You shouldnt be so hurt by it. Its not necessary a reflection on you
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Old 12-18-2011, 01:14 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why does my husband lies so much?

Quote:
Originally Posted by waiwera View Post
I've been reading about habitual liars and, I believe, it's because he has low self esteem and feels inferior in some way or another or fears rejected or shaming if he is seen to be wrong (stupid) about something.

My H has issues with abandoment from childhood....

.
Wow, thank you for that! My hubby also tells stupid little lies about insignificant stuff... Like if something cost $50, then next few times he tells story, it keeps increasing...
Or just boasting up what he did.. but.. yeah, mostly stuff like that. (It DOES carry over into more significant lies that he tells me/himself) but, I never really understood why lie about something so trivial?

I never thought about associating it with a hidden inferiority/rejection/self esteem. But I guess that could make sense. He did have issues with abandonment too, but in pre-teen years. (Which I think was a crucial time for his self growth.)

Maybe now that I can see maybe where some of it stems from, I can either accept it more, or deal with talking to him about it.
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Old 12-18-2011, 01:37 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why does my husband lies so much?

Chelle-

That's what I don't get... why lie about little stupid insignificant stuff like that.....

For example, my H is an HR consultant but he does side jobs as a handy man.
Last week he receive two paycheck… nothing big, but he knows that we need to pay property taxes this month… and I know his mother is constantly asking him for money as if we don’t have any bills or a child to take care of our own…. We’ve always had problems because if him mother and sister, he has always put them ahead of our marriage and it caused us years of strain on our marriage. so been that I didn’t see the deposit in our bank account, I looked for it in our computer room, where we always put our mail, and there they were…. Two un cashed checks. So, when he got home I asked him about the checks. I asked him, “babe did you deposit the checks in the account “( knowing that he didn’t, just giving him a chance to come clean) he tells me, oh yeah…. “I cashed it and used it for groceries and diapers”
I asked him again, “you did what”? The money is not in the account, what do you mean you cashed it? He goes, no, I went to Wal-Mart, and bought things for the house and diapers, and milk for the baby with that money. I asked him how much was the check for and he said $65… so, I go to the computer room get the checks and one is for $65 and the second for $55… I left it at that…. Two days later, the checks are gone….. now, my husband is NOT the type to go out drinking, or buy anything for himself or anyone for that matter, he is very simple… the only thing he buys is the $3 wine bottles…. I know he gave that money to his mother! And that’s what kills me…
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Old 12-18-2011, 02:27 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Suemolly View Post
Some people are chronic liars. Your husband's frequent lying has nothing to do with how great or how little love you have between you. Its a psychological problem and also related to the lack of moral values. Most of these type of people are psychopaths and narcissists, and they don't love in the true sense a normal person do. They don't admit to their lies and when you catch them out, they will often transfer the guilt to you or justify their behavior in whatever ways they could, which will most likely be more lies. You will feel sad, lonely and emotionally abused in such a relationship.
This is exactly my thought as well, this is my stbxh to a tee. That man cannot tell the truth and I used to take it so personally, then I realized that it was just a character trait. It was the one issue in our marriage that happened over and over, and he actually wondered why I didn't trust him. It lead to resentment on both our parts and drove a wedge between us. That then lead to him having an affair and that is that

Last edited by KatiezMomma; 12-18-2011 at 02:36 PM.
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