Is There aA Difference Between Loving Someone and Being In Love???
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Old 12-19-2011, 09:49 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Is There aA Difference Between Loving Someone and Being In Love???

I am having trouble defining what it means- to be in love- with someone.....

I have a feeling my husband might had fallen out of love with me....

I feel that he loves me, he does thing to prove that he does...like help me in the house, care for me when I'm sick.... but is that enough?? Is he In love with me?? He's not romantic... he's not detail.... he doesn't like to go out.... he hardly holds my hand.... he hardly cuddles with me.... he's doesn't buy me flowers....

Help!....

Any input will be grately appreciated...
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Old 12-19-2011, 10:14 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is There aA Difference Between Loving Someone and Being In Love???

That sounds like a marriage to me.

You only think that he's not in love with you because he speaks different love language from you. You may think that showing affection is being in love. He may think that taking care of your health and well-being is in love. You two just need to have a good talk.
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Old 12-19-2011, 10:54 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is There aA Difference Between Loving Someone and Being In Love???

Maybe you could try cuddle him and hold hands see what his reaction is if his distant then talk to him find out what his feeling and tell him what your feeling
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Old 12-19-2011, 11:27 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I think that Scione has a point and in fact there is a book about 5 different love languages.

As a husband, I am in the same boat as you...my wife seems to love me (we've had our problems no doubt), but doesn't seem to be in love with me....or so it seems. The more soul searching I do, the more I realize that I might say "I love you" a half dozen times a day because I am affectionate....that's my love language. She is less affectionate, but that doesn't mean she doesn't love me....perhaps she speaks a different love language.

I am thinking out loud here, but I have been viewed by my spouse as pushy where is comes to sex and affection. Perhaps because I am waiting and expecting her to respond when I say I love you, speak my love language, etc. So perhaps to her, I am pushy.

Is it possible that you link love with affection and your husband links love with something else....different love language???
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Old 12-19-2011, 05:47 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is There aA Difference Between Loving Someone and Being In Love???

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Originally Posted by scione View Post
That sounds like a marriage to me.

You only think that he's not in love with you because he speaks different love language from you. You may think that showing affection is being in love. He may think that taking care of your health and well-being is in love. You two just need to have a good talk.
Thank yo u so much... that makes sense.
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Old 12-19-2011, 05:49 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is There aA Difference Between Loving Someone and Being In Love???

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Originally Posted by scione View Post
That sounds like a marriage to me.

You only think that he's not in love with you because he speaks different love language from you. You may think that showing affection is being in love. He may think that taking care of your health and well-being is in love. You two just need to have a good talk.
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Originally Posted by s.k View Post
Maybe you could try cuddle him and hold hands see what his reaction is if his distant then talk to him find out what his feeling and tell him what your feeling
I do cuddle with him, he's not distant when I do it, I guess I was just concerne because he hardly ever initiates it.
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Old 12-19-2011, 05:51 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is There aA Difference Between Loving Someone and Being In Love???

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Originally Posted by RP49D22 View Post
I think that Scione has a point and in fact there is a book about 5 different love languages.

As a husband, I am in the same boat as you...my wife seems to love me (we've had our problems no doubt), but doesn't seem to be in love with me....or so it seems. The more soul searching I do, the more I realize that I might say "I love you" a half dozen times a day because I am affectionate....that's my love language. She is less affectionate, but that doesn't mean she doesn't love me....perhaps she speaks a different love language.

I am thinking out loud here, but I have been viewed by my spouse as pushy where is comes to sex and affection. Perhaps because I am waiting and expecting her to respond when I say I love you, speak my love language, etc. So perhaps to her, I am pushy.

Is it possible that you link love with affection and your husband links love with something else....different love language???
Thank you, I will look up that book, maybe that will help me understand my hubby's love language...
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Old 12-19-2011, 06:28 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is There aA Difference Between Loving Someone and Being In Love???

I did a thread on this - also a newer one below just started a little while ago. Book link and Love Languages tests in these links :

What R You & Spouse's Love Languages & How does this affect your Marraige?

The Five Love Languages
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Old 12-20-2011, 05:40 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Thank goodness your post is not about anyone fed up and leaving or separating! You are in a great place to fix this. Trust me it totally sucks trying to fix anything once someone is "done".

So anyway, like the others have said get the five love languages book.
But an even better one(in my opinion) that helps both sides get straight to the matter of treatment and what is expected in the relationship is "His needs, Her needs".... look it up. Helped me quite a bit.
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Old 12-20-2011, 06:24 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is There aA Difference Between Loving Someone and Being In Love???

I, too, love affection. I did have a discussion with my husband and ever since we hold hands(even at home), snuggle, kiss, hugging/touching.

I've noticed the affection increases when the sex is frequent. I need that too. My husband feels the same way. It all boils down to communication. You both need to communicate your needs to one another. I'm sure he has no idea you need these things from him unless you straight out tell him. Hints don't work well, I already tried that.
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Old 12-21-2011, 10:59 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Thank goodness your post is not about anyone fed up and leaving or separating! You are in a great place to fix this. Trust me it totally sucks trying to fix anything once someone is "done".

So anyway, like the others have said get the five love languages book.
But an even better one(in my opinion) that helps both sides get straight to the matter of treatment and what is expected in the relationship is "His needs, Her needs".... look it up. Helped me quite a bit.
Thank you, I just ordered the five love languages book, I can't wait to get it, I also took the test and aske dmy hubby to take them too. It was very helpful. I will definitely look into that one. Thanks again.
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Old 12-21-2011, 11:02 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is There aA Difference Between Loving Someone and Being In Love???

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Originally Posted by I'mInLoveWithMyHubby View Post
I, too, love affection. I did have a discussion with my husband and ever since we hold hands(even at home), snuggle, kiss, hugging/touching.

I've noticed the affection increases when the sex is frequent. I need that too. My husband feels the same way. It all boils down to communication. You both need to communicate your needs to one another. I'm sure he has no idea you need these things from him unless you straight out tell him. Hints don't work well, I already tried that.
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I feel you girl... I have seen a difference in him since he we took the five love languages assesment test... and I like it... girl, my Hubby loves sex and his affectionate during it too... I jsut wish he's alawys affectionate, not just during sex. but like I said, things are getting better. I can't wait to get the book. Thanks again.
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