in-law issues help!!!
Alright, here it goes. This may be a long post, so get ready for the ride!
My husband has relatively large family. They do everything together as a family--- including work. They own a family business that has branches in different areas of the country. We recently moved to better handle one of the branches. The rest of the family reluctantly let us do this in order to have our own space. The rest of them run the satellite office and delegate the rest of the branches from that area. They took much offense in our wanting to move from the small area to a new area. Herein lie some of the issues.
First, I have a few sister-in-laws that are very money-oriented. I am not. They watch very carefully what each member of the family makes, personal purchases (ie houses, boats, cars), and the amount of business travel required from each family member. Very competitive. Very manipulative. Anyway, these girls have decided they don't like me because my husband refuses to travel for more than a week at the time. He prefers to rotate travel between them. They have suggested in the past that he oversee these branches in one month increments. He has refused. The girls say their husbands work harder than mine and get angry with me for it. (Also, keep in mind that he has seniority in this company and he actually had input in hiring them). He's working about 60 hour weeks but can max out at 70 or more sometimes. He's more than pulling his weight.
Now, may I add that much of those guys travel time actually has nothing to do with business? They often go on long golfing or hunting expeditions in the name of p.r. It's a load of bull. They're just wanting to dock responsibilities at home. Yet somehow, I've become the scapegoat for all of it because my husband expresses no interest in joining them. He figures he has to deal with them all the time because of work and wants a break from them on his time off.
I had approached the family when the women started giving me the silent treatment. (At first, I didn't know what the issue was). They denied a problem even existed but continued giving me the silent treatment. I figured out their issues with me by putting two and two together as well as gathering info from an outside source based on a little overheard gossip. So, my husband decided to confront the in-laws and his brothers. Again, denial there was an issue. Now, they don't speak to either of us unless the rest of the family is around and they become sickeningly sweet. They've since dropped little hints around the community and family that we are anti-family, that my husband doesn't pull his weight, and we're just selfish.
Anyone who knows me knows I'm not selfish. I've actually received phone calls from people in my old town supporting me and telling me what's happening and they refuse to listen to any of it. Unfortunately, my husband's mother is now on their side. Because the others attend every family function ( getting together several times weekly) and live to please her and are at her command, we are the black sheep. We're a long way away and go to see them once every two months. Every time we now go, she's nice most of the time but gives a little subliminal guilt trip that we don't love them anymore. The last time we went to see her she said something about my husband being gone awhile to run an errand and in front of the whole family, she said to me "You know he does that to get away from you and the kids". She made it out to be a joke, but I obviously wasn't laughing. This happened at Christmas. She didn't apologize, but she never apologizes to anyone and everyone knows she just expects others to "get over it".
So, here we are, less than a month later, and she has called a couple of times to talk to my husband. She always ends the conversation with "I love you all". He thinks that's her way of apologizing. Recently she called to say she is planning an upcoming tropical vacation for the whole family and wants us to come. Well, of course the last thing I want to do is go on vacation with a room full of women that don't like me. The thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. I'm in really good shape, but I can just see the women's comments on me in my swimsuit or my nose is in a book and I'm anti-social or whatever else they can come up with
However, I also love my husband very much and don't want to come between him and his family. I don't want to be selfish. He hates the thought of going too, but he also wants to keep the peace from a business and personal standpoint. I've thought of just telling my husband to take the kids and go without me and I would visit my parents. However, the last thing I need is rumors about marital problems and I don't want him being given a hard time because I'm not there.
So, do I suck it up and accept the poor treatment for my kids to see their grandparents or do I put my foot down and tell them they can forget it until I'm treated with respect knowing I'll never get an apology? Please help!!