What would you do in this situation?
I've posted my own threads a couple of times and I feel like the regulars on here have an idea what I'm like. I'm a romantic and view sex as a sacred act between two people who are completely dedicated to each other for life. That's my take on it and I don't expect anyone else to feel as passionately as I do about it. If they do, then that's fantastic. That being said, here's my dilemma...
In looking through my wife's conversation history with her sister-in-law, I learned that in September of last year she, her sister in law, her husband went to the house of some long time friends, let's call them Jim and Candy. They drank and everyone got pretty sloshed from what I understand. During the course of this evening, Jim propositioned my wife, asking her to do a threesome with him and his wife. My wife said she was really drunk when he asked and her response to him was "I'll have to ask my husband first". She and her sister in law swear that my wife did nothing that night and has never been unfaithful to me. My wife considers Jim and Candy "swingers" and has said they have had a threesome before (at least one that she knows of) with a woman they met while on vacation.
So my wife didn't tell me about this incident. I found out by reading her text messages with her sister-in-law, as far back as 2015. In those texts she told her sister in law that she felt guilty about what had happened that night and said she had a "deep unrealized attraction" for Jim. When I asked her why she didn't tell me of his proposition she said it's because she knew I would go crazy and either send him a message or try to pick a fight with him. And she's right. She told me she was sorry that the whole situation happened and said her response was very disrespectful of our marriage. She also said we would never go out with Jim and Candy again and that she would remove Jim from her Facebook page. And she did remove him - I watched her do it and I've been keeping track ever since to make sure he's not in her friends list.
Now here's my problem. I am so tempted to message this guy in Facebook. I've drafted a message and this is what I would say to him:
"Hey Jim. Not sure if you remember me but it's <my name>, <my wife's name>'s husband. It came to my attention that last year in September you propositioned my wife to take part in a threesome with your wife. I don't know who the hell you think you are but that was not cool. What you did was an act of utter selfishness. That you would risk breaking up a happy marriage speaks volumes of your character and kind of man you really are. That being said, don't contact my wife any further. If you do, I'll kick your ass."
What would you do? When my wife and I talked about this she said the situation was handled, she was sorry and that it would never happen again. She asked me to drop the whole situation going forward. But I'm having a hard time doing that. Part of me wants to message Jim and ask him if sex did happen or even kissing. I also asked my wife's brother, who has known all along about this situation, what he would do. He said that my wife handled it and that he would probably leave it alone.
Right now, things are going very well in our marriage. We had a fantastic Valentines day together and have had awesome sex many times since we talked about this whole situation. Still, I'm wanting to message Jim, but I'm worried it will cause problems in the marriage by re-opening the situation. If I message Jim, he will likely send a message to my wife either threatening me or asking her how he should respond to me. And if he does that, my wife will know I sent him a message. What would you do?