Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.

VIP Dance/Private Dances

10K views 27 replies 17 participants last post by  missymrs80 
#1 ·
Input...

Vip Dances/Private dances while your husband, or I guess wife, are out at a strip club..

Acceptable, or unacceptable?

Why or why not?

What's your spouses input?
 
#2 ·
Honestly - why ask us? How do you feel about it?

Was never really an issue for us. We went together a few times - with my (STBX)W getting the only lap dance while I got to watch! I just kind of figured that me getting a dance would have only led to trouble...
 
#3 ·
Why ask?

I'm curious to hear other's thoughts.

Putting it more into context..I guess i'm asking while your SO, or, Spouse is out (With out you..not going together), are VIP Dances/ & Private dances something that overall considered an "Ok" thing to do in a relationship.

I personally feel like it's not acceptable. I guess I'm looking for other's input. It seems to be a long standing converserial topic when brought up with my girlfriends, and older relatives. I'm trying to form my own judgement, and see if my thoughts are irrational thoughts or not.

I guess I'm trying to understand? Understand my guys outlook..
 
#23 ·
THIS!

I'd be happy if I gave my own husband a lap dance or he could give me one.

I wouldn't appreciate it if he / I got it from someone else.
 
#5 ·
I'm 39 - near the end of a 17 year marriage. I've had a small handful of VIP dances in my life. Some were "nice" and fairly innocent. Others - there was a lot more contact. Depends on the club and the dancer.

If YOU are uncomfortable with the idea of another woman possibly rubbing her rear end on your H's lap - then that's something he should be able to respect and understand.
 
This post has been deleted
#6 ·
My wife has no Problem even watching me get a lap dance.

No way a VIP room alone without her is going to be acceptable nor should it be.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#7 ·
Thanks, both of you, for your respones.

I feel the same way-- it's disrespectful.

And also, I agree, it is what matters to ME. We have a great relationship, and we both trust each other, endlessly. As a matter of fact..this stems from him and the guys planning on outting for his much younger (Virgin) co-worker who will be leaving for the marines in the up and coming months. I simply asked if he thought VIP/Private dances are an ok thing to do..he said yes, asked what I thought I said no..and his instant reply was very nicely and matter factly put "Ok honey, well out of respect for you, I wouldn't get one."

I guess the again, I wanted to further form my opinion to see if I'm being irrational, or not, and also to see if anyone else is thinking on the same thought path as I.

I guess I was also looking to hear other's idea of what the feel like the purpose, or intent, or a VIP dance is.

As it may come accross, I'm very innocent and pure. I've been to one strip club, don't care to go back..but would on a special occasion with the hubby to have fun. I've had one other relationship- Long term, but not in any means what a relationship should have been (Went one way). I feel there are a lot of areas I lack in on experience because of only having had two relationships.

Thanks for the input guys!:)
 
#9 ·
Thanks, both of you, for your respones.

I feel the same way-- it's disrespectful.

And also, I agree, it is what matters to ME. We have a great relationship,
if all of this is true, you should express it to your fiance and he should then decline to go out of his respect for you and the relationship. that should be the most important thing to him.
if its not then where do you think things will go in the future from his disrespect and uncaring of your feelings?
 
#8 ·
You're in a bliss, you're in love, and you want to know the world to know. Yeah yeah I get ya...

Even in good times with my wife though I do not qualify for this section of the forum. "10+ years success in MARRIAGE". Please, one thread at a time, and note the sections.
 
#13 · (Edited)
OK, I stand corrected :)

I had skipped over the "... so long as they don't tell their wives" part. Yeah, that's pretty damning. Even if some couple doesn't think of it as cheating because it's not "actual sex", it's still some sort of lying and deception.

adding in because it's pertinent to the above post
In my case, I wasn't thinking of keeping a secret. I genuinely did something which Carol considered out of bounds and I did not. Because I didn't make anything of it I didn't get permission or any other such thing. Happily, as a routine course of conversation I talked about it and so the problem surfaced and was easily dealt with. But there was no active effort to "not tell". There was just a genuine oops. That's different than what nice777guy is talking about.

... and recalling now to a previous marriage (man, this post really has me thinking for some reason because I seldom do that), even when I did go to a strip club when my wife did not want me to, I did not keep it a secret. It was very forthright. She felt I should not go. I disagreed. It's an interesting question whether that's cheating or not. I was (and am) satisfied per my own sense of ethics and integrity. Had I done it secretly, however, that would not have been true. I guess I find secrecy unappealing. It flies in the face of integrity.
 
#14 ·
But there was no active effort to "not tell".
A slippery slope - but your next paragraph gets you right back where you need to be.

It becomes like any other marital disagreement at this point - at least to me. Whether is someone wanting to buy a new car, a spouse looking at porn, chatting with friends of the opposite sex on the internet - etc., etc. - its all about communication and boundaries.

And - sometimes - two spouses just won't agree on what is wrong and right. That's when it gets complicated and hopefully one of you will compromise.

... and recalling now to a previous marriage (man, this post really has me thinking for some reason because I seldom do that), even when I did go to a strip club when my wife did not want me to, I did not keep it a secret. It was very forthright. She felt I should not go. I disagreed. It's an interesting question whether that's cheating or not. I was (and am) satisfied per my own sense of ethics and integrity. Had I done it secretly, however, that would not have been true. I guess I find secrecy unappealing. It flies in the face of integrity.
And this also makes me think of the old saying - "It's easier to get forgiveness than permission." Just something to keep in mind.
 
#16 ·
Me & mine have full transparency, we only go to places like that together. IN our younger years, we wouldn't touch something like that....as we have gotten older, we thought we would try it when friends invited us.... we found the experience enjoyable ....as a couple.

My husband asked me if he could get a dance, he would never do anything if I would be hurt or against my wishes...the place only had AIR grinding - no touching at all. Bouncers to watch every move, a higher class strip club.

I think if a couple has a really solid marraige, you have that inward heart assurance that you are his everything ...and if your beliefs allow a little naughiness without feeling God is going to judge you or Your husband is an immoral Dog for this sort of enjoyment.... I don't feel this has to even be a bad experience at all. We were together 19 yrs married (27 total) when we made this venture, I have no regrets.

I would have felt a little different if the stripper was physically grinding on him - that would have been my line...or had I not liked the atmosphere of the club... but some visual stimulation - he's never even been to a bachelor party in his life.. he was due at the age of 45 to get his 1st lap dance.

That is how this wife felt .
 
#17 ·
I knid of view it as the samething as going to hooters, twin peaks, strip bar. Why waste the money?? And it is disrespectful I would not want the wife doing it either

Now I knew about hooters but the other places (expect for strip club) never knew and boss would take a group of us out when we travel(without wife) on job assignment. Would tell spouse what happen after. And usually after going to one of these food places beer would lead to someone saying who is up for the strip bar at which point I head back to hotel.
 
#21 ·
Perfectly acceptable if my wife is there with me and enjoys the fantasy too. If not then I am not even interested in the least. It only works for me if she is involved and enjoys it to.
 
#24 ·
How is paying for a lap dance different than hiring a hooker? I can see very little difference myself. In many cases, the stripper IS a hooker. There may be the odd couple who like to hire hookers together, just like some like to do lap dances together, but the vast majority of couples would consider the guy hiring a hooker and keeping it a secret from his wife to be cheating. How any guy can consider getting a private/VIP lap dance and keeping it secret from his wife to NOT be cheating is beyond me.
 
#25 ·
I would not consider a lap dance to be cheating unless the spouse considers it cheating. That said I know Morrigan would not have a problem with it. Frankly though I wouldn't get one anyway. What would be the point really. Its all fake titillation. I'd get more real affection from our cat on my lap purring.

**waiting for the wise a$$ comments now**
 
#26 ·
IMO....NO married man (or woman..vice versa, but in most cases its a man) belongs in a strip club gawking over other women/men. I don't care if the excuse is a bachelor party or going away party, etc...this is just an EXCUSE for a man to go to one.. If you are committed to your spouse, then you should respect them enough not to go there. Many women just say they don't care...when actually, they really DO, they just don't want to tell their man no to avoid conflicts. They suck it up and even though they are hurting inside knowing their husband is at a strip club (and not knowing what is really going on), they just put up with it...or they are naive..one of the two. Once you commit to someone, its a respect thing. A married man has no purpose in a strip club, other than to slobber and gawk at another woman...let alone get a private dance..which is CLEARLY crossing the line. If your man says he is going because of his buddy or whomever...that's like believing a man reads Playboy for the articles...ha! If you have a spouse that frequents a strip club, you should put a stop to it...IMO. And, if he really loves and respects you, he won't go to one.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
You have insufficient privileges to reply here.
Top