If a person isn't organised and tidy before kids there is no way it's going to magically happen AFTER kids. She may not know HOW to organise her day and the house.
I find this to be very very true , generally unless one is truly motivated to overcome.
I DO feel very bad for husbands in this situation though, I really do..... I watched my Father in law live it for years, it was the biggest stumbling block their marriage ...eventually he just didn't want to be home anymore ......my Mother in Law used to complain to me about him, I had to shut my mouth (so did my husband) cause we agreed with him!! .... she never cleaned the house, she was a hoarder even , the house is as bad as the tv shows. He was embarrassed to have his own relatives come to visit . His sister offered to pay for a dumpster, she didn't talk to her again for a month.
I would be furious with myself if my husband came home to a mess every day. I consider these things "my part of the marriage" I would be apologizing if I couldn't live up to it .....I am so very THANKFUL I am able to stay home & raise our 6, a blessing considering the job he had when we married. This is the very least I can do, when he has to deal with bad roads, work in extreme heat & freezing temps in the winter, a nasty boss & irritating co-workers. And here I am playing on TAM inbetween my chores.
At one time we had 4 boys 6 yrs old and under. I dragged them to the store, nothing slowed me down, 2 was in diapers and I even used cloth- & hung them on the line.
Although none of our kids were ever colic, I do think that would be very very difficult. Also I wasn't the type to be sitting down with them reading a string of books and playing on the floor, in that respect, I was not as good of a MOM. BUt I got all my work done! They seemed to all be turning out wonderful inspite of my lack of personal attention as toddlers.
Is it possible your wife has become Depressed ? This would cause her to slow down like this or Post Partum going on ? What is her mothers house cleaning skills like?
Back to my Mother in Law, it seemed to run in the family, the signs were there before they married. Funny how he came from a immaculate household where you could literally eat off the floor and she came from a Junk Collecting family.
I let my kids know, I don't care if they have Grandmas genes, there will be no hoarding in our house, they will clean those darn rooms or they won't come out of them. These things need to be instilled in our kids as they grow up, that they have a responsibility to DO THEIR PART, this will only help them in life and in marriage. I don't allow my sons to be slackers either, I want them to cook for themselves & be independent, as their wives will likely work & they too will have thier load to carry in helping her manage a household.
It is so very very important to learn how to MANAGE TIME, and how to Multi-task, it is a skill that will afford us all so much more in life...time with our kids even, friends, our own husbands and wives.
And to do this stuff while you are at work, oh what a burden lifted from your shoulders and hers.
You even have a maid and a Nanny, this story just about kills me! All I can think is darn, imagine without them!! That is insane, most of us could never afford such things, and we do just fine. I am a bit critical in this area. Cause I am on myself.
This would be the same as a MAN getting on a newly married husband who couldn't pull himself away from the Video games to get to his job, or showing up late and getting in trouble with the boss, it would disrupt the whole marriage. The wife would be livid and for a good reason.
Whatever you do, don't have another kid -if she needs this much help with ONE !