Unfortunately, since we never really addressed the original problems at the beginning, things have already gotten out of hand. Like I had said about her first texting incident, I really don't believe that things got physical. Know who the guy was and what he looked like, the chances of that really were less than likely. I'm not saying it was impossible, as at this point I really don't feel I know who she is anymore, but even given everything I know about it and the way our relationship has been I would be really really surprised. As far as the guy I found out about recently, I do believe the chances of a physical affair are much higher. But like I had said about this latest one, I haven't seen the opportunity for a physical affair to be happening unless she's skipping out on work to see him. And given that he's a teacher and in school most of the afternoon, I just don't see the time for a physical affair. She's not out late after work and she hasn't been out on the weekends without me or without one of the friends or her posting something on social media proving that she is where she said she was. When I was looking through her texts with him I also saw one asking about where he had been because she hadn't heard from him in about two months. So like I said, there are things that yes it's a physical affair and things that say no, it's not likely a physical affair. Which is why I'm having such a hard time digesting all of this.
I understand your need to verify if things went physical with OM. I had that same need... even had my H take a polygraph to verify he was being truthful about that.
The trouble is, the trust is still broken, and a marriage without trust isn't a real marriage anymore.
If she's unwilling to own her behavior, you really cannot have a true R. This is what happened in my marriage. He agreed to let me monitor his phone, but frankly I found it humiliating that I had to do that and it made me resent him.
Since he never wanted to address our issues, we have not been able to repair things. Due to extenuating circumstances, I have forgiven him... but I will never forget and can never trust. Our marriage is a roommate arrangement and very stressful.
I fantasize about getting out every day, and not because of the original hurt he caused me with his online affair... but because he has no remorse and no willingness to repair what has been broken. THAT is what I cannot forgive.
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