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post #61 of 161 (permalink) Old 02-20-2017, 12:35 PM
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Re: need your thoughts

If she do not feel or do not care how this affect you, either she is narcissistic or she has no feelings for you. From your last response it seems like you are following what Cam did in his thread (6 month emotional affair ..). It will shock your wife in to reality (if she really want the marriage) and tell you all the details about her affairs. Any how do not leave home under any circumstances. It should be the offending partner who should leave if it come to that. I know a friend who did that under some what similar circumstances and his feelings went from bad to worse as wife had all the freedom to do whatever she wanted

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post #62 of 161 (permalink) Old 02-20-2017, 12:50 PM Thread Starter
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Re: need your thoughts

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Originally Posted by Malaise View Post
But, she isn't trying, is she?
No, she hasn't been. Her proposal has been to just keep going and see if things fell back into place. For the most part things have been good over the last 5-6 months. It was only the last month or so that I noticed her withdrawing herself again and I don't know why. I don't know what happened to make her withdraw again, all she tells me when I ask is that she's tired. Her friends don't know why either or understand. All I'm looking for is an understanding of what's going on. And although her friends have told me that she doesn't want to get divorced, if that's what she really does want, fine. Just tell me, at least that would make sense.
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post #63 of 161 (permalink) Old 02-20-2017, 12:52 PM
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Re: need your thoughts

those words from her, can be translated as the following...if this thing does not work out with this guy then there is always Plan B...namely you.
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post #64 of 161 (permalink) Old 02-20-2017, 12:56 PM Thread Starter
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Re: need your thoughts

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Originally Posted by curious234 View Post
If she do not feel or do not care how this affect you, either she is narcissistic or she has no feelings for you. From your last response it seems like you are following what Cam did in his thread (6 month emotional affair ..). It will shock your wife in to reality (if she really want the marriage) and tell you all the details about her affairs. Any how do not leave home under any circumstances. It should be the offending partner who should leave if it come to that. I know a friend who did that under some what similar circumstances and his feelings went from bad to worse as wife had all the freedom to do whatever she wanted
I don't plan on going anywhere unless it's due to a separation agreement or divorce. When things first got bad she did ask me to leave for a week because she felt she needed some time alone, and I did. When I came back things were good. There was no fighting or arguments, but there was also no talk of our problems. There was talk about me possibly leaving again when I first came back "If she felt she needed more time", and I told her no, that the only way I was leaving again would be when the papers were signed.
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post #65 of 161 (permalink) Old 02-20-2017, 12:59 PM Thread Starter
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Re: need your thoughts

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those words from her, can be translated as the following...if this thing does not work out with this guy then there is always Plan B...namely you.
Trust me, I know that and have thought about that. As much as don't want to think like that, I know it exists. But either way I need a resolution to all of this. If she's not going to open and honest about things she'll be served with divorce papers and we'll go from there.
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post #66 of 161 (permalink) Old 02-20-2017, 02:12 PM
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Re: need your thoughts

Stop talking to her friends. They are her friends and not yours. Besides, it makes you look pathetic.

If you really wanted to know the guys name, all you would have to do is get on the phone to one of your volleyball buds and ask and if they didn't know, their wife would.

You two need to stop talking to others and start talking to each other. She doesn't want to talk and just wants to take a 'wait & see' stance? Have her served. Guarantee that will loosen her tongue. Insist on marriage counseling. Insist on setting up boundaries for the both of you.
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post #67 of 161 (permalink) Old 02-20-2017, 02:27 PM Thread Starter
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Re: need your thoughts

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Stop talking to her friends. They are her friends and not yours. Besides, it makes you look pathetic.

If you really wanted to know the guys name, all you would have to do is get on the phone to one of your volleyball buds and ask and if they didn't know, their wife would.

You two need to stop talking to others and start talking to each other. She doesn't want to talk and just wants to take a 'wait & see' stance? Have her served. Guarantee that will loosen her tongue. Insist on marriage counseling. Insist on setting up boundaries for the both of you.
I've always talked to her friends from time to time on things about us so it's not like I'm begging them for help. The issue with his last name is that I'm not friends with anyone on his team. Yes I know them and we all hang around after games but I don't have their numbers to call. We tried counseling, she lasted 3 sessions before she said she wasn't going back because she didn't believe in it. We are going to talk this week about things. Depending on how that goes, it's a strong chance she will get served. As far as boundaries, we need to straighten things out and be on a somewhat level playing field first
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post #68 of 161 (permalink) Old 02-20-2017, 02:38 PM
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Re: need your thoughts

"I've always talked to her friends from time to time on things about us so it's not like I'm begging them for help." Again, stop this. They are not in your marriage. Do you call her mom and sisters, too?

"The issue with his last name is that I'm not friends with anyone on his team." Are you friends with anyone on your team?
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post #69 of 161 (permalink) Old 02-20-2017, 03:44 PM Thread Starter
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"I've always talked to her friends from time to time on things about us so it's not like I'm begging them for help." Again, stop this. They are not in your marriage. Do you call her mom and sisters, too?

"The issue with his last name is that I'm not friends with anyone on his team." Are you friends with anyone on your team?
I am friends with the people on my team. The issue is that they know these people because of my wife, they're not friends with them. Like me they only hang around after games with the crowd. And to add to that, my wife is the one who started our team. It's made up of people she works with, her friends and their husbands. Any snooping around in the volleyball crowd for info would get back to my wife. And not only that, it would most likely end with no results as the only people who would have the information I want are his friends
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post #70 of 161 (permalink) Old 02-20-2017, 03:45 PM
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Re: need your thoughts

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No, she hasn't been. Her proposal has been to just keep going and see if things fell back into place.
Things just don't fall back into place. You both have to work at it. Do you even know what a marriage looks like? Basic Concepts


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post #71 of 161 (permalink) Old 02-20-2017, 03:54 PM
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Just the fact that she wouldnt let you read the messages is a proof shes hiding something that actually needs to be revealed. As said before she might be having an emotional affair
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post #72 of 161 (permalink) Old 02-20-2017, 06:05 PM
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Re: need your thoughts

Does the league have a roster of teams and players?

“The time's gone by for sentiment and all that foolery. Mercy's all very well but after all it's justice that clinches the bargain.”


“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
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post #73 of 161 (permalink) Old 02-20-2017, 06:09 PM
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Re: need your thoughts

Welcome!

Can I interest you in discovering the healing power of paragraph breaks. 😆

.........><)))#">
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post #74 of 161 (permalink) Old 02-20-2017, 06:27 PM Thread Starter
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Re: need your thoughts

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Things just don't fall back into place. You both have to work at it. Do you even know what a marriage looks like? Basic Concepts
I know that things don't just fall back into place, that was her approach to it. I've been telling her over and over again that it takes an effort from both of us and she keeps saying that she doesn't know how she feels and that she's unsure about our relationship
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post #75 of 161 (permalink) Old 02-20-2017, 06:29 PM Thread Starter
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Re: need your thoughts

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Does the league have a roster of teams and players?
No, it's a very informal league. They only require the 2 names of the team captains. To me investigating this guy won't do any good and will only make her shutdown more if she finds out.
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