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post #106 of 161 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 01:32 PM
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Re: need your thoughts

AtMyEnd,
Is it possible that your wife is still justifying all her garbage to your EA? You are not that emotionally connected to your wife right? If that is the case and you want the status core (for the sake of your son) Is it possible for you to behave like her and have the marriage unofficially like an open one


Last edited by curious234; 02-21-2017 at 01:45 PM.
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post #107 of 161 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 02:10 PM Thread Starter
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Re: need your thoughts

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AtMyEnd,
Is it possible that your wife is still justifying all her garbage to your EA? You are not that emotionally connected to your wife right? If that is the case and you want the status core (for the sake of your son) Is it possible for you to behave like her and have the marriage unofficially like an open one
Since I got over getting caught in my own EA, and yes I say got over, I did start to emotionally reconnect with her. Even though it I was emotionally connected to her, just not as much. And she very well may be justifying her own actions because of mine. The one thing about my EA, was there was never any expectation or even idea that we would ever actually meet in real life, I met her playing an online virtual reality game, she lives 1000 miles away and she's a single mom with a young kid. I looked at the whole affair as just a way of having that feeling of love and being wanted that I wasn't getting from my wife. And yes as things progressed I did think about wanting to see her, but also realized how that would be nearly impossible given the circumstances. When my wife found out about my EA, I explained all of this to her and she did seem to understand my points. I never said that anything I did was right or that my reasoning was even right, but that was my thinking at the time. I didn't feel I was being unfaithful to my marriage because there was nothing physical about my affair. What bothers me about hers the most is that even though she says there was nothing physical, which may be true because from what I can tell I found out about it in the early stages of it, being that we live within a 30-40 minute drive from him, the chance of it becoming physical was 100% there. If it had gone on long enough, everyone knows that talk leads to feelings, feelings lead to thoughts and it just snowballs from there. But honestly I don't think I would've or could've followed through with a PA if mine had lead in that direction. And because of that I wouldn't feel comfortable in an open marriage. I mean if that was the case, I wouldn't be here.
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post #108 of 161 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 02:15 PM
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Re: need your thoughts

Look here....you ended your EA immediately.

She refuses too.

We see how you are spinning this.

Remember I was you once.
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post #109 of 161 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 03:33 PM Thread Starter
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Re: need your thoughts

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Look here....you ended your EA immediately.

She refuses too.

We see how you are spinning this.

Remember I was you once.
Yes I ended mine right away. But from what I can see on cell phone records, she hasn't spoken to him since shortly after the confrontation. Whether they have just gone quiet for a while until things cool down I don't know. But that will only be revealed over time. And as much as there is concrete evidence that there was an EA, there is no real evidence that it ever turned physical. I'm not trying to spin anything here. As much as I may react to things, I don't make decisions based on hunches, especially when it comes to breaking up my family.
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post #110 of 161 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 04:52 PM
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Re: need your thoughts

PA or not doesn't matter.

EA is more important to women anyway.

The point is you are getting zero remorse.

The longer it takes for you to become decisive.....the weaker
and more unattractive you become in her eyes.

Sorry but I agree with FSJ that you are rationalizing your inaction.
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post #111 of 161 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 06:00 PM
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Re: need your thoughts

Why are you here, again? You started off by saying you're kind of on the fence on how to handle things. So far, you've shot down all advice offered and offer the refrain that you have to wait for her to make a choice as to talk or not. Why not wait for her to talk (or, not) and then come back because everyone here (including you) are spinning their wheels.
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post #112 of 161 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 07:14 PM Thread Starter
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Re: need your thoughts

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Why are you here, again? You started off by saying you're kind of on the fence on how to handle things. So far, you've shot down all advice offered and offer the refrain that you have to wait for her to make a choice as to talk or not. Why not wait for her to talk (or, not) and then come back because everyone here (including you) are spinning their wheels.
One, I was never on the fence about how to handle things. Two, I haven't received much useful advice other then divorce, divorce, divorce, which seems to be the popular opinion from most on every post here. Jumping straight to divorce is not always a solution to the problem. And three, if you have nothing constructive to say, which you haven't, shut your ****ing mouth, no one cares what you have to say

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Last edited by EleGirl; 02-22-2017 at 02:59 AM.
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post #113 of 161 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 07:30 PM
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Re: need your thoughts

Stop acting like a child lashing out. It doesn't work here and it won't work with your wife.

"In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." T.R.

Be a better man... / ADHD and Marriage

Last edited by anchorwatch; 02-21-2017 at 07:37 PM.
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post #114 of 161 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 07:53 PM
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Re: need your thoughts

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Originally Posted by AtMyEnd View Post
One, I was never on the fence about how to handle things. Two, I haven't received much useful advice other then divorce, divorce, divorce, which seems to be the popular opinion from most on every post here. Jumping straight to divorce is not always a solution to the problem. And three, if you have nothing constructive to say, which you haven't, shut your f***ing mouth, no one cares what you have to say
Well aren't you just a prize. I can't imagine why your wife might be interested in other men. It's a real puzzler.


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Your marriage reminds me of a guy dragging a dead whale across the beach.
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post #115 of 161 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 07:24 AM
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Re: need your thoughts

First post, last sentence:

"So I'm kind of on the fence on how to handle things."

Are you having memory problems?

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post #116 of 161 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 07:42 AM
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Re: need your thoughts

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Originally Posted by AtMyEnd View Post
One, I was never on the fence about how to handle things. Two, I haven't received much useful advice other then divorce, divorce, divorce, which seems to be the popular opinion from most on every post here. Jumping straight to divorce is not always a solution to the problem. And three, if you have nothing constructive to say, which you haven't, shut your ****ing mouth, no one cares what you have to say

{Moderator Note: I spelled out the profanity. Please follow forum rules in regards to the profanity filter.

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February 21st is the deadline for full enforcement of the measure.
Well aren't you the brave boy when it comes to the internet and nobody knows who you were.Maybe if you grew a set of balls and talked to your (for now)wife with a bit of conviction you wouldn't be wasting people time here.That just about sums you up,an ea with a woman a thousand miles away.If she was in your city you would **** yourself if she spoke to you.Ask your wife nicely if you can have your balls back and see what days she is willing to let you have out of her busy schedule with her other men.
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post #117 of 161 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 07:45 AM
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Re: need your thoughts

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Yes I ended mine right away. But from what I can see on cell phone records, she hasn't spoken to him since shortly after the confrontation. Whether they have just gone quiet for a while until things cool down I don't know. But that will only be revealed over time. And as much as there is concrete evidence that there was an EA, there is no real evidence that it ever turned physical. I'm not trying to spin anything here. As much as I may react to things, I don't make decisions based on hunches, especially when it comes to breaking up my family.

You need to dig deeper. There could be a burner phone, or they could be using an app that doesn't register on cell phone records. Nothing will be revealed in time if you don't dig. And of course there is no real evidence that it turned physical, why would she leave obvious evidence. Dig deeper!
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post #118 of 161 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 08:25 AM
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Re: need your thoughts

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Originally Posted by manwithnoname View Post
You need to dig deeper. There could be a burner phone, or they could be using an app that doesn't register on cell phone records. Nothing will be revealed in time if you don't dig. And of course there is no real evidence that it turned physical, why would she leave obvious evidence. Dig deeper!
It doesn't matter....She has already been caught and quite frankly doesn't
give two ****s.
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post #119 of 161 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 09:19 AM
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Re: need your thoughts

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Originally Posted by AtMyEnd View Post
One, I was never on the fence about how to handle things. Two, I haven't received much useful advice other then divorce, divorce, divorce, which seems to be the popular opinion from most on every post here. Jumping straight to divorce is not always a solution to the problem. And three, if you have nothing constructive to say, which you haven't, shut your ****ing mouth, no one cares what you have to say

{Moderator Note: I spelled out the profanity. Please follow forum rules in regards to the profanity filter.

Posting Guidelines - Forum Rules (2016)

8. Filter Bypass/Obscenity: A profanity filter is in place and any attempts to bypass it are forbidden. You MAY type words that are filtered, as long as they are not abusive towards other quests or violate any other rules; however, you must allow the filter to do its job. Do NOT try to filter the word yourself and do not try to use creative spelling to bypass the profanity filter. Also, posting images of videos of obscene gestures, linking to obscene web sites, posting obscene or graphic descriptions of a decidedly adult nature, and violating a standard of decent behavior is not allowed.

February 21st is the deadline for full enforcement of the measure.
Well, It's good to know that we can tell someone to "shut your ****ing mouth" with impunity as we won't be breaking any rules.
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post #120 of 161 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 09:20 AM Thread Starter
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Re: need your thoughts

I find it kind of funny, people come to this forum to ask for advice and suggestions on how to possibly fix their broken marriage. It doesn't matter if it's just not getting along, an affair or whatever else, a lot of the posts I've read and my own are truly looking for help to try and fix things. Maybe it's just me but I truly feel that anything in a relationship can be fixed. One of my biggest issues in my current situation is that no matter how I present the question, my wife doesn't want to address our problems yet. From what I've seen, heard and heard from friends, she doesn't want to get a divorce. But she also doesn't want to talk to me about our problems, which is why I posted my story.

I wanted to try and get suggestions on how to get her to finally open up and talk about our problems together and possibly try and work things out. I know what she did, I know what I did, I know she doesn't seem to care, but I also know that she is a caring woman, a great mother and in general a good person. I've laid out everything here looking for some help, and all I seem to get is criticism. I've seen numerous comments of "just get a divorce" and all kinds of other negative non supportive comments. I know what happened so there's no reason to dig any deeper. What happened happened and I don't really care about that. I just want to see if we can repair the relationship and go from there.

It really seems like the only people here are angry bitter divorcees that not only failed in their own marriages but also either did nothing to work on them or just failed at trying to fix their relationships themselves. Why not share your experiences of what happened, what you did right or what you did wrong, things that may actually help people who post their problems here? Like I've said, I'm not naïve, I'm not gullible and I'm not stupid. I've done my investigating, I know what's happened and what's happening now in my relationship. I do still love my wife and mother of our son. It's because of him that I want to try and fix thing things and not just walk away. I've seen to many majorly screwed up kids that became that way because of divorce, and I don't want that for my son. But honestly a good majority of you people are pathetic. If you have nothing helpful to say, keep it to yourselves. For those of you who actually have some advice on how to get her to open up to me without threating her with divorce or spying on her to collect evidence to confront her with, let's here it. Please.
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