Re: need your thoughts
Ok, so another update on my situation. This past weekend I was going to a friends with our son, she didn't want to go saying she was exhausted from work and just wanted to go to the gym, go home to take a bath and just pass out. I had no problem with this, I didn't really want her coming to begin with. I extended the invitation to her just to show that I wasn't trying to exclude her from my life.
That being said, something just didn't feel right for some reason. Nothing had happened and there was no real trigger for it, but something just felt off. My son and I were going to a friends house that was more than an hour drive from my house so she knew I wouldn't be home until very late. So I planted a VAR in the bedroom and asked a good friend of mine who knows the situation to pass by the house around 9:00-9:30. I told him to just take a look for any cars that looked out of place and gave him the description of the man who she had been texting with's car.
When we got to my friends place I texted her that we made it there safe and asked her how the gym was. She replied back that she didn't go to the gym and was going over to a friends house to watch a movie and relax. So my plan A had been foiled, time for plan B. I text my friend who was going to pass my house and tell him this and give him the friends address and ask if he'd pass by there and see if the car was there. He says no problem and I go about my night. Around 9:00 he texts me, her car isn't there. I text him back asking if he's sure, the house is on a hill and there's a long driveway so I ask him if he's sure the car wasn't at the top of the driveway. He says he's not sure and it's possible and he's going to go back. 15 minutes later another text from him "Definitely not there". Now I'm pissed but trying not to show it. I had sent my wife a picture of our son with all my friends kids earlier in the night because she had asked me to but she hadn't responded to the text. A little while later my friends wife says to me, her not knowing about any of this, that she must have gone home and fallen right to sleep because she hadn't replied to any of her texts. So now the blood is boiling, lol.
I finally get a text from her asking how my nights going and that she's heading home shortly. I say fine and ask her how the movie was. She tells me the name of the movie they watched, that they sat around having "girl talk" and told me about a conversation that she had with her friends two daughters. So I'm about to blow up at this point because I know it's all a lie, I know she was never at the friends house. So I text back something like "sounds fun" and I go on with my night. A little while later she texts that she had just gotten home, and then texts me "Thank you handsome", I had left a wrapped bottle of wine and bubble bath on the counter for her when I left for the night, I thought it would be a nice little gesture. Then she texts asking what time we're leaving to head home and say I'm not sure yet. Then another asking if we're sleeping there and I say no. So now my head is going even more, why all these questions about when I'm coming home?
So we get home about 2 hours after all that and she's asleep, I put my son to sleep and walk into our room. No movement from her at the sound of me walking around the room so I walk over and look at her phone. I don't know the code so all I can see is the closed home screen but I can see that there is a WhatsApp message from about an hour ago, so now I'm pissed again. I lay down and try to fall asleep but can't. She wakes up at one point, we start talking about our nights and she asks me what's wrong? So I tell her that something had felt off about the night so when I got home I looked at her phone and saw a message there. I asked her who it was from and if she was still talking to him. She said no and she looked at the phone and said the message was from her uncle, but still refuses to show me the phone. I'm tired and don't want to get into it so I go to sleep.
The next night we go out for a friends birthday and she has way too much to drink. I had been doing some research earlier that day on ways to possibly get into her phone and look around myself, and I found one. When we got home that night she passed out almost immediately. Being that I had had a few drinks myself, I guess my beer muscles kicked in so I grabbed the phone and got it unlocked. I took it downstairs and started looking through everything. I looked at Whatsapp first since I knew that was how she was communicating with the guy, nothing there. I was relieved, I knew that even if she had been deleting the messages if there were any, that she was too drunk that night to have been able to think about deleting them, and I hadn't even seen her look at her phone in hours. So I start looking through texts with the friend she said she was with Friday night. Well it turns out that they were together but they went out to a restaurant together, I even found a selfie of the two of them. So know I'm thinking, why lie about where she was? It didn't make any sense. They went to a restaurant that we go to frequently and many of our friends go to so I know she wouldn't have had him meet them there, it was too risky. So why lie? I also found a lot of texts with other friends about the situation with this other guy and everything did point to the fact that nothing ever happened and it was just a text, so unless she's lying to everyone, even her closest friends, I do believe that nothing happened outside of the texts. But it still bothers me, why lie about where she had been?
So Monday morning the texts start, accusing me of having a GPS on her car. I tell her that I don't and she basically calls me a liar. She knew I had gotten a GPS tracker a while back because she found it while snooping around. So I tell her where it is in the house and to go look for herself. Then she accuses me of getting another one so that I can show her the one and make her think there's nothing on the car when there really is. I tell her she's acting ridiculous and there's nothing on the car. So now I'm thinking, she knows that I know she wasn't where she said she was Friday night, but how? So then she starts bringing up old arguments and accusing me of telling all of my friends that she had an affair. I tell her that I haven't told anyone that she had an affair, yes I've talked to some friends about our problems but not about that. So at the same time as her texting me all these accusations, I'm texting with another friend about all this and what she's saying. My friends response to all this, she's baiting you. She's trying to get you to snap and admit to spying on her, drop the conversation right now. So I tell my wife that this is all ridiculous and exactly what we both agreed we wouldn't do anymore and that if she wants to talk about us and our relationship later tonight I will but I'm done with all this right now, it's just stupid. She sent a couple texts after that but I didn't respond.
When I got home that night, before her, I took the GPS, put it in it's box and left it on her night table. When she got home I tried to avoid her, I said hi to her but that was pretty much it. As the night went on she did talk to me a little and I would answer her but that was it, I stayed away from conversations. Later that night when I went upstairs I noticed that the box with the GPS in it was gone. Honestly I don't care where it is but I know she saw it and that I silently proved her wrong about her accusations.
Since then things have been civil around the house, we were even joking around and laughing about something the other night, something that hasn't happened in a while. But it still bothers me, why did she lie about Friday night when it was something so innocent? Why all the accusations about everything? Is she testing me to see if she can piss me off to the point of admitting to spying and knowing more than I'm letting on that I know? It's just bizarre.