Yes, it's emotionally abusive. But nothing i can do about it right now.
It's mostly my mistake really.. we only dated half a year when she got pregnant.. she had told me that her doctor had declared her infertile and unable to ever have kids... so i didn't track her period and use protection. Tada.. she got pregnant.. so i quickly proposed and we married.
She built walls prior to getting married yes... i just hoped that with our loving relationship it would get better with time.
Yes there is. Make her realize that what she's doing is emotionally abusive and stop acting on it. Explain that if she tells you what is wrong then you can deal with it together, if she goes into sulks and "Google it" then you will make no attempt to waste your time and try and fix something that you don't know, and the next gift she throws away is the last one she gets.
I think i have had a small epiphony... everything she does is about serving, and not words. My primary love language (a 13) is words of affirmation. She always says that Words are worthless, actions speak. I tend to spout words of love, and she just doesn't need that. She wants actions (which I thought I was doing well...but obviously not well enough!!)
Be careful here. When she won't tell you what you are not doing that she expects then what you do will never be enough.
Little things set her off, like me playing a game on my phone after the girls are in bed or working too much. Or, a big wall-building time she had, was early on, she found a bunch of cards from my ex GF of 3+ years on my shelf in my office at home. I had forgotten they were there. I promptlly burned them to show they meant nothing to me, but she said she couldn't forgive me for not getting rid of them before. I had failed to go through my home with a fine-tooth comb before she moved in obviously! I quickly spend an afternoon scouring the house to ensure nothing was left from previous relationships...
I suppose I was a brute to leaving a stack of cards on my shelf... but you would think that burning them and apologizing would be a good step right?
This goes back to Actions. She has said, that a person gets 3 strikes. If they hurt the other person's feelings more then 3 times, they are out. I tried to reason with her that everyone hurts the other person's feelings at times, and that just wasn't happening, and it should be the good will they have toward the other person that counts. She has never apologized once to me, in our entire marriage... haha. The irony of it all.
Little things are called little things for a reason, they are pretty well insignificant. I loved with that for 18+ years, "Little things mean a lot to me" translates to "I give myself carte blanche to justify finding fault with anything and everything". The example you gave should have been done and over in a couple of minutes. "What are these?", "Oh I didn't even realize I had them ..... they're in the trash now".
The never apologizing is a huge issue on it's own. It shows that she either thinks she is faultless and has never done anything wrong or she doesn't have enough respect for you to say "Sorry". Either way that is a very bad sign for a relationship.