I know what a f'ed up childhood is, been there done that. It doesn't mean I take it out on the ones I love. It made me into a husband and more important a father that would never put may family through such a hell.
Your wife is not young. This is who she is. You can love her with all your heart and it will not do you any good until she decides to love you back.
Yes you got married to quick. You were just starting to see the true her when she started putting walls up. I feel for you, this can't be easy for you. You can't make her love you. I hope she does in time.
Not to try to compare by any means, but her mother died of cancer at the age of 13 i believe. She watched her mom pull out a gun and try to kill her father (missed his heart and landed a shot in his shoulder) when her mom found out her dad was cheating on her at an early age. Her twin sister died in a car wreck that my wife was driving at the age of 17. She was in the hospital for a month recovering, and didn't even know her sister had died until she woke up. Her mother in law almost successfully poisoned her to death an early age... she barely survived the hospital. Her father then "eliminated" the mother in law. Her dad was LEO in Thailand, and her uncle high ranking military. When someone didn't do what they wanted, including BF/GF's of sibling, they "Disappeared... permanently."
My wife is 32 years old. She pre-arraigned married off to a white guy from the States at the age of 16. She didn't move to the states until early 20's. Her husband basically kept her locked in a room. She said they had sex 5 times their entire marriage.
Her first BF after the divorce beat her. Literally. The cops found her in a closet about dead.
Her next BF cheated on her. As did the next one.
I was the first guy she ever fell in love with. She may be "Not Young" but she is very childlike in many ways. And she hasnít had a male role model her entire life. She worked 3 jobs and busted her way to where she is today.
She's anything but lazy. She just doesn't know how to communicate. Hell, it took a year before she stopped flinching when I reached for her hand.
I am not walking out on her. Everyone in her entire life has walked out on her. (Or she's driven them away...) She needs love. Not a tyrant.
Yes, she needs to learn to grow up and stop being a baby with her emotions, but geez, I was late 20's before I was even quasi-mature to talk with my mom without fighting! I'm only 35 now. Communication skills take time.
That's why I came on here, to ask for help from some of the other ladies about what would make them feel loved... not to bash my wife. I know the average situation would be to walk away... and trust me, I have done that with my 2nd. I just don't feel that this is the same situation at all.