Ladies: Hurt Feeling - What am I missing? - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
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post #61 of 77 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 12:24 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ladies: Hurt Feeling - What am I missing?

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Originally Posted by tropicalbeachiwish View Post
If you're not even home, I wouldn't be surprised if she cleans out the house while you're gone. She doesn't sound very rational.

I hightly doubt it. She has stated repeatedly over the last few months, that she doesn't need me, and that if she left, she wouldn't want anything, including money. My stuff will be fine.

I half think she'll come around... but then half know she won't. She got mad at her dad a few years ago, and didn't talk to him for 4 years she said. I don't compute that logic, but so be it.

Hard to have a healthy relationship if only one party is talking.

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post #62 of 77 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 10:18 PM
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Re: Ladies: Hurt Feeling - What am I missing?

Sorry man. Wish the best for you. Talk to s lawyer about your unborn child and what can be done about custody if she tries to bolt.
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post #63 of 77 (permalink) Old 02-26-2017, 08:07 AM
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Re: Ladies: Hurt Feeling - What am I missing?

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I hightly doubt it. She has stated repeatedly over the last few months, that she doesn't need me, and that if she left, she wouldn't want anything, including money. My stuff will be fine.

I half think she'll come around... but then half know she won't. She got mad at her dad a few years ago, and didn't talk to him for 4 years she said. I don't compute that logic, but so be it.

Hard to have a healthy relationship if only one party is talking.
If she wants to leave, let her go. She sounds like a massive pile of crazy that you don't need.

See a lawyer about the unborn child, and while you're at it, ask him if it's ok for you to change the locks. You say you're not worried about her taking your stuff... I'm worried that she will try to destroy it. She's clearly not mentally stable.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #64 of 77 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 08:36 AM
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Re: Ladies: Hurt Feeling - What am I missing?

@MrNightly

How did the weekend go? Did your wife make an appearance?

"Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow."
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post #65 of 77 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 06:44 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ladies: Hurt Feeling - What am I missing?

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@MrNightly

How did the weekend go? Did your wife make an appearance?
Howdy.

It's been a roller coaster of a ride. Her sister and BF in Thailand called me several times on my last trip, and were acting as "mediator" for the two of us. That was appreciated.

They asked if I would take her back, to which I replied, of course! I called her a day before I flew home, and she picked up. We talked for 20 minutes, which was nice, but nothing really deep.

When I arrived home, she wasn't there. I called and asked where she was, she picked up (This was progress.. like 3 or 4 calls in a row she picked up! I was shocked honestly) She said she was at her apartment. I told her to get her butt home! She said, ok.

Long story short, she showed up, we talked. She said she built walls, (Duh) and I said to stop building them with me. I told her if she kept doing that, she would destroy us. I cried a little and asked her to please stop it (It was a forceful, yet kind demand!) She looked at me, and said, OK. I won't do that anymore.

She said she loved me like crazy, and was afraid to get hurt like in the past. I told her that we were a safe place, and she said, ok.

I took her with me to NYC for work last week. It was a great trip. One time, I said something that hurt her feelings, and she got mad, but told me. It was a big step. I quickly apologized, and she said no big deal and let it go.

I think we reached an understanding that we had previously not been able to reach. She said she was just scared and it was her only way of dealing with the fear.

I couldn't be happier. She is much more stable now (under 2 weeks, but still..) and I feel that we really connected like we haven't been able to before.

We even took the "love languages" tests, and I was really surprised by her results:

Quality Time was a 10.
Physical touch was a 9

Gifts were a 0 lol. I had it all wrong.

I think we are going to be ok. Just the fact that she got upset, and was able to move on when I apologized, was a big deal.

I'll keep ya posted, but for now, moving forward as a couple is the best thing possible!
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post #66 of 77 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 11:24 AM
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Re: Ladies: Hurt Feeling - What am I missing?

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I took her with me to NYC for work last week. It was a great trip. One time, I said something that hurt her feelings, and she got mad, but told me. It was a big step. I quickly apologized, and she said no big deal and let it go.

[SNIP]

I think we are going to be ok. Just the fact that she got upset, and was able to move on when I apologized, was a big deal.

I'll keep ya posted, but for now, moving forward as a couple is the best thing possible!
Do you consider that what you did or said was wrong and deserved and apology or was the apology the only way to try and avoid her being mad at you.

If it's the former then you have some progress if not then you haven't gained anything.
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post #67 of 77 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 11:53 AM
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Re: Ladies: Hurt Feeling - What am I missing?

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I think we are going to be ok. Just the fact that she got upset, and was able to move on when I apologized, was a big deal.

I'll keep ya posted, but for now, moving forward as a couple is the best thing possible!
Apologize for what?
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post #68 of 77 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 12:10 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ladies: Hurt Feeling - What am I missing?

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Apologize for what?
Well, I was working all day and got back to the hotel around 10pm... she had been waiting patiently in the room for me, and when I arrived jumped into my arms. I was frustrated with a project and told her that I was upset about the guys I was working with.. she then asked for dinner, and I said, it's too late to eat, let's just eat in the morning... which made her feel insignificant.

I quickly realized she had been waiting to eat with me, and I blew her off. She said, "Don't take your frustrations from the day out on me." I realized she was right.

I apologized and we went out for food.

It was something that in the past, would have sent her into silence for days, because she felt unloved.

So yes, I was not considerate of her, and was focused on getting up at 6am to start the day again. I realized, that a couple hours less sleep wasn't that big of a deal. And the sex was great that night too!
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post #69 of 77 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 12:19 PM
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Originally Posted by Keke24 View Post
Apologize for what?
Well, I was working all day and got back to the hotel around 10pm... she had been waiting patiently in the room for me, and when I arrived jumped into my arms. I was frustrated with a project and told her that I was upset about the guys I was working with.. she then asked for dinner, and I said, it's too late to eat, let's just eat in the morning... which made her feel insignificant.

I quickly realized she had been waiting to eat with me, and I blew her off. She said, "Don't take your frustrations from the day out on me." I realized she was right.

I apologized and we went out for food.

It was something that in the past, would have sent her into silence for days, because she felt unloved.

So yes, I was not considerate of her, and was focused on getting up at 6am to start the day again. I realized, that a couple hours less sleep wasn't that big of a deal. And the sex was great that night too!
So you worked all day and finally got to the room at 10 pm, and had to get up the next day at 6 am to go to work again, and you not wanting to go out to eat at 10 pm after a loong frustrating workday "made her feel" (notice the quote marks there) insignificant, so you apologized-- and then went out to eat?

Your life with her will warp you until there is nothing left.
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post #70 of 77 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 01:08 PM
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Re: Ladies: Hurt Feeling - What am I missing?

Where did she go when she left? Do you know who she stayed with?


"Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow."
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post #71 of 77 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 01:08 PM
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Re: Ladies: Hurt Feeling - What am I missing?

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Originally Posted by MrNightly View Post
H

I think we are going to be ok. Just the fact that she got upset, and was able to move on when I apologized, was a big deal.

I'll keep ya posted, but for now, moving forward as a couple is the best thing possible!
Aaaand we wait. I predict another pouty tantrum where she leaves again within 3 weeks. She has you completely whipped.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

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post #72 of 77 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 02:41 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ladies: Hurt Feeling - What am I missing?

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Where did she go when she left? Do you know who she stayed with?
She stayed in her apartment. Didnt see anyone.

You all have really vilified her.. or ive done a crappy job of explaining things.

Its been very different since she said she would not box me out anymore... it typically hits once a month or every 3weeks so we will see what happens. I choose to believe the best for now.
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post #73 of 77 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 02:45 PM
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Re: Ladies: Hurt Feeling - What am I missing?

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She stayed in her apartment. Didnt see anyone.

You all have really vilified her.. or ive done a crappy job of explaining things.

Its been very different since she said she would not box me out anymore... it typically hits once a month or every 3weeks so we will see what happens. I choose to believe the best for now.
I'm sorry. I certainly didn't mean to vilify her.

"Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow."
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post #74 of 77 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 02:52 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ladies: Hurt Feeling - What am I missing?

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I'm sorry. I certainly didn't mean to vilify her.
No worries.. i truly feel that things are going to be ok... that or something really bad is on the horizon (she keeps having dreams about dying giving birth.. slightly unnerving as she has had prophetic dreams in the past)

Regardless, I'm happy loving her and she claims to be happy loving me as well.
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post #75 of 77 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 03:01 PM
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Re: Ladies: Hurt Feeling - What am I missing?

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I hightly doubt it. She has stated repeatedly over the last few months, that she doesn't need me, and that if she left, she wouldn't want anything, including money. My stuff will be fine.

I half think she'll come around... but then half know she won't. She got mad at her dad a few years ago, and didn't talk to him for 4 years she said. I don't compute that logic, but so be it.

Hard to have a healthy relationship if only one party is talking.
Throws out cards, flowers and does not want any parts of you. Call me crazy....I don't see why you are even questioning this. Let your W not need you. Begin the process of finding a place to live. She will either help you pack or ask you to try and make it work. Or in your W case, she can start to make it work.

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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