General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Re: My GirlFriend in School Talks to me on Phone Everyday...After 15 years
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarkTwain
love4u-
From your posts it is obvious that you are getting something out of this too. That is why you have not stopped it, and that is why you have not told your wife.
I don't see a problem with people keeping in touch with EXs if all the spouses are OK with it, and the relationship is healthy. For instance, my Ex of 20 years ago is coming round to see my wife later today - they meditate together, and we are all good friends.
In your case, the relationship is unhealthy. Even when I go away on business I don't call my wife every night - I give her a rest form me occasionally.
This woman wants to contact you every single day. One day her husband will find her phone records.
Stop it now.
If it were me, I would tell my wife. However, only you know how your wife would react. It's not worth it if she divorcees you. But you can pick your words carefully: "Honey I have a stalker - HELP".
I realise English is not your first language, I hope my post was clear.
Thanks...for your reply....!
I have almost stopped talking to her now. She told me she will call after one month. But she called me again today and i didnot pick her phone.
And i have understood that its must...!
About healthy relation ...ya i understand talking everyday is not right.
My wife knows her.I had told her about Ex before marraige. Today we were at community hall where prayers and lecture of one of our gurus was there. I went with my wife and my Ex had also came there.
It was almost after 6 months we saw each other. But we didnot talk at all. My wife after the programe smiled and said " You did not notice but i know you both were looking at each other during the programe." and continued " It happens ...man...! I can understand" and teases me that after seeing my ex , I am looking more happy...etc...etc.
Re: My GirlFriend in School Talks to me on Phone Everyday...After 15 years
Quote:
Originally Posted by love4u
My wife after the programe smiled and said " You did not notice but i know you both were looking at each other during the programe." and continued " It happens ...man...! I can understand" and teases me that after seeing my ex , I am looking more happy...etc...etc.
Your wife sounds very good natured, so it is vital not to let her down - you married a good woman. You can't have both - let the other one go, she will destroy your marriage if you don't stop it.
If you can't be disciplined about it, you might have to tell your wife, because if she finds out the truth before you tell her, you will be in trouble, big trouble.
Re: My GirlFriend in School Talks to me on Phone Everyday...After 15 years
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarkTwain
Your wife sounds very good natured, so it is vital not to let her down - you married a good woman. You can't have both - let the other one go, she will destroy your marriage if you don't stop it.
If you can't be disciplined about it, you might have to tell your wife, because if she finds out the truth before you tell her, you will be in trouble, big trouble.
----
Ya...With gods grace...i have got the most understanding and most loving personality ...as my wife! she is very careing and always a helping hand for. Taking care of my parents and kids and very much sweet talking...! Complete year does pass away, we live without shouting or querelling on any subject. We find by ourselves some topic to fight little bit... just for fun...! And again together like friends. within minutes...! And these really a most satisfying moments of life...!
Re: My GirlFriend in School Talks to me on Phone Everyday...After 15 years
The ex is still calling you because you want her to call you and because you tell her sweet things that will keep her calling. You make it sound as if you don't want these phone calls, but it is clear that you do. She can sense that, so she continues to call. You have to take responsiblity for how you are teasing her along while betraying your wife. You are doing wrong by both women. Clearly, this woman gives your ego a boost ... that goes against your description of yourself as a humble man. You are wanting this woman to keep you feeling so good about yourself, keep you feeling like she would die if you didn't take her calls. But, guess what? She won't die. She'll be just fine. In fact, she'll be less likely to destroy her life and her marriage and her children's lives if she stops talking to you. Not to mention the ramifications in your community and church. You are just a fantasy to you. As per your post, the two of you have never really been in a relationship. That means that you can provide a fantasy to each other that is not based in the real life challenges of raising children, paying bills, cleaning house, etc. It's just a FANTASY. You said your marriage is so great ... that is priceless. Don't mess your great REAL marriage for a fantasy.
You can feel bad for her and keep taking the calls ... but if you choose to do that, then you are hurting your wife. Whose feelings are more important to you? The ex or the wife? Whose dignity are you responsible for upholding? The ex or the wife's? Who have you made vows toward?
So.... stop acting like you have no control over taking these calls and having communication with her. You are in full control here. You are just not taking control because you like these phone calls and you like this woman telling you she loves you.
Next time she calls, be mean. Yes, mean. Direct. Straightforward. Completely unambivalent. I would put money on the fact that you have not done that. Tell her that you love and respect your wife deeply and that you mean it 100% to stop calling you. Then don't take more calls and stop giving her the eye at church .. how RUDE of you to do that while your wife is sitting next to you clueless as to these phone calls.
Re: My GirlFriend in School Talks to me on Phone Everyday...After 15 years
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsLady
The ex is still calling you because you want her to call you and because you tell her sweet things that will keep her calling. You make it sound as if you don't want these phone calls, but it is clear that you do. She can sense that, so she continues to call.
Re: My GirlFriend in School Talks to me on Phone Everyday...After 15 years
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsLady
The ex is still calling you because you want her to call you and because you tell her sweet things that will keep her calling. You make it sound as if you don't want these phone calls, but it is clear that you do. She can sense that, so she continues to call. You have to take responsiblity for how you are teasing her along while betraying your wife. You are doing wrong by both women. Clearly, this woman gives your ego a boost ... that goes against your description of yourself as a humble man. You are wanting this woman to keep you feeling so good about yourself, keep you feeling like she would die if you didn't take her calls. But, guess what? She won't die. She'll be just fine. In fact, she'll be less likely to destroy her life and her marriage and her children's lives if she stops talking to you. Not to mention the ramifications in your community and church. You are just a fantasy to you. As per your post, the two of you have never really been in a relationship. That means that you can provide a fantasy to each other that is not based in the real life challenges of raising children, paying bills, cleaning house, etc. It's just a FANTASY. You said your marriage is so great ... that is priceless. Don't mess your great REAL marriage for a fantasy.
You can feel bad for her and keep taking the calls ... but if you choose to do that, then you are hurting your wife. Whose feelings are more important to you? The ex or the wife? Whose dignity are you responsible for upholding? The ex or the wife's? Who have you made vows toward?
So.... stop acting like you have no control over taking these calls and having communication with her. You are in full control here. You are just not taking control because you like these phone calls and you like this woman telling you she loves you.
Next time she calls, be mean. Yes, mean. Direct. Straightforward. Completely unambivalent. I would put money on the fact that you have not done that. Tell her that you love and respect your wife deeply and that you mean it 100% to stop calling you. Then don't take more calls and stop giving her the eye at church .. how RUDE of you to do that while your wife is sitting next to you clueless as to these phone calls.
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Thanks MsLady,
You are true. I have not been direct to her for not calling...I asked her almost everytime to stop calling but did not directly say...and this i have to do and You are right...!
It may hurt her one time if i talk direct to her that i dont want to talk at all. And pls donot call. I want to forget you and donot want any relation to be kept. And i think that is the only solution...! Really thanks for your advice. Your answer is so much perfect and right nd eyeopener.
Re: My GirlFriend in School Talks to me on Phone Everyday...After 15 years
I just realized that this has been going on for five years, going on six. Those are going to be some hard ties to break, but you must do it. And I think I would tell your wife, too... if the girlfriend goes off the deep end when you stop daily conversation, there is no telling what she will do, and may bring your wife into it. It would be horrible for your wife to find out from said girlfriend than from you.
But then again, you know your situation best. Maybe the g/f wont' react like that, and maybe your wife will never find out.
Re: My GirlFriend in School Talks to me on Phone Everyday...After 15 years
Quote:
Originally Posted by bhappy3
I just realized that this has been going on for five years, going on six. Those are going to be some hard ties to break, but you must do it. And I think I would tell your wife, too... if the girlfriend goes off the deep end when you stop daily conversation, there is no telling what she will do, and may bring your wife into it. It would be horrible for your wife to find out from said girlfriend than from you.
But then again, you know your situation best. Maybe the g/f wont' react like that, and maybe your wife will never find out.
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Its been almost 10 days I kept her number as call barreing in mobile.
I continued getting calls from her almost everyday 3 to 4 times but mobile barreing facility did recognize that number and didnot accept the call.
Yesterday she did call from other number . Just few words talks...Hi...How are you..? How is everything ...? Says Fine...! And I disconnected phone.
Today again she tried to call...! I do come to know how many times she had called ... Mobile just rejects all calls from that number.
But One thing. I am very happy . I am releived from everyday tension if my wife comes to know about this...!
Quite happy with my own life...!
I have not told to my wife and never discuss also ...As i know it will create more problems for me ... lifetime.
She is possessive and loves me more than anything else in the world.
Re: My GirlFriend in School Talks to me on Phone Everyday...After 15 years
Quote:
Originally Posted by love4u
Thanks...for your reply....!
I have almost stopped talking to her now. She told me she will call after one month. But she called me again today and i didnot pick her phone.
And i have understood that its must...!
About healthy relation ...ya i understand talking everyday is not right.
My wife knows her.I had told her about Ex before marraige. Today we were at community hall where prayers and lecture of one of our gurus was there. I went with my wife and my Ex had also came there.
It was almost after 6 months we saw each other. But we didnot talk at all. My wife after the programe smiled and said " You did not notice but i know you both were looking at each other during the programe." and continued " It happens ...man...! I can understand" and teases me that after seeing my ex , I am looking more happy...etc...etc.
----------
Its almost one month now . I have stopped talking to her and i really feel so releaved.
Family Life is going on Great....!
Thanks to All of You.........! God Bless You All....!
Its now 6 months passed and i have completely stopped talking to her and happy with my own life....!
Last month I had arranged a dance competetion program for kids and in that my ex girfrieds daughter also participited.
And her daughter won the price and it was given by my wife. It was really a great feeling. Her duaghter was really cuite and loving and intelligent kid saw her for the first time....!
Though my Ex-girlfriend also came we didnot talk at all. And everything is normal now...!
Life is going on.
In India there is course call vipassana its a 10 days meditation course and its free ...Lot of people all over the world come for this course you can visit the site : www.alaya.dhamma.org
Re: My GirlFriend in School Talks to me on Phone Everyday...After 15 years 
