I'm a male 45 and have been married to my wife 48 for 4 and a half years.
From the instability and intensity of her emotional states, displays of unfounded jealousy and profound insecurity, I have strongly suspected for a while that she has Borderline Personality Disorder.
We have a 3 year old son whom we both love very much.
When he was born she moved out of the marital bed and into our son's bed. She also started spending less and less time alone with me. When she puts our son to bed at 7pm, she goes to bed with him and I don't see her until the morning.
So now there's no time at all when it's just the two of us.
Once every couple of months she will suddenly appear in the evening wanting sex. We do it - well, she doesn't do much - and when it's over, she returns to our son's room.
When I have tried to say how lonely I feel with this situation, she reacts badly (consistent with BPD behaviour) and goes on the verbal offensive.
I'm a good guy and an excellent father. I work 12 hour days to put food on the table. I do more than my fair share of housework. I don't feel that I'm such an ogre or bad company that people should just not want to be around me, least of all my wife! During the daytime we generally get on okay - albeit with rough patches where the BPD rears its head.
It's gotten to the point, after years of spending my evenings alone, that I feel I can't let this situation go on. It's not just the sex that I want back, it's the emotional intimacy or even just adult companionship. I also fear greatly for the emotional development of our son, who is sleeping every night and nap time with his mother and is still in diapers at 3 years 4 months.
I feel I need to force the issue either with an incentive or an ultimatum. Or both. Simple appeals to her to spend more time with me are not working.
How do you think I should approach it?
From the instability and intensity of her emotional states, displays of unfounded jealousy and profound insecurity, I have strongly suspected for a while that she has Borderline Personality Disorder.
We have a 3 year old son whom we both love very much.
When he was born she moved out of the marital bed and into our son's bed. She also started spending less and less time alone with me. When she puts our son to bed at 7pm, she goes to bed with him and I don't see her until the morning.
So now there's no time at all when it's just the two of us.
Once every couple of months she will suddenly appear in the evening wanting sex. We do it - well, she doesn't do much - and when it's over, she returns to our son's room.
When I have tried to say how lonely I feel with this situation, she reacts badly (consistent with BPD behaviour) and goes on the verbal offensive.
I'm a good guy and an excellent father. I work 12 hour days to put food on the table. I do more than my fair share of housework. I don't feel that I'm such an ogre or bad company that people should just not want to be around me, least of all my wife! During the daytime we generally get on okay - albeit with rough patches where the BPD rears its head.
It's gotten to the point, after years of spending my evenings alone, that I feel I can't let this situation go on. It's not just the sex that I want back, it's the emotional intimacy or even just adult companionship. I also fear greatly for the emotional development of our son, who is sleeping every night and nap time with his mother and is still in diapers at 3 years 4 months.
I feel I need to force the issue either with an incentive or an ultimatum. Or both. Simple appeals to her to spend more time with me are not working.
How do you think I should approach it?