trey69

Excellent!

__________________
"When people are truly sick and tired of being sick and tired, that's when they will make a change."

WhyinSC

Dude is convinced in like four posts. Little hard to believe really...

abumpintheroad

IMO, you're not going to feel 'in love' with your wife while fantasizing about TOW. I, also, left one man for another, and I can tell you right now (after 16 yrs), that even though the grass was greener at the time, I don't feel like I have a better relationship now than I had with my ex. Each individual brings different aspects to the relationship. If you have what you call a good wife now, consider yourself lucky. What do you think your life will be like in 5 yrs with this new woman? Do you think you will stay in this 'honeymoon' phase? That's not likely, considering the fact that the 'honeymoon phase' feelings are due to chemical reactions in your
brain. Scientifically, it is practically impossible to feel that way for very long. Good luck, I hope you make the choice you'll be happy with in 10 yrs.

Winrey

The kind of love that lasts a lifetime is a choice. We choose to love. To be "in love" is a temporary sensation. Lots of fun with little substance. From what I've read, you don't sound prepared to do the work necessary to commit fully to your wife. If your wife was having this type of problem with other men, would you want to stay with her? It just doesn't sound like you can give your wife what she has asked for and what you promised her in your wedding vows: A faithful, commited husband who loves her.

Jellybeans

Excellent post.

__________________
Exposure Letter

Letter to OM/OW

Jbear

Your conflict...

You are not happy, fulfilled by your wife. You love her and are thankful for who she is and what she has done but the truth of the matter is that you seek what you personally lack outside your relationship... not an excuse shame on you but it is a fact.


You worry about the hurt you cause your wife and children... Tell me if you remain married and stray as you have these past 15 years... at your 50th wedding anniversary you will have complied a list of 10 women... Now what effect would that cause the family that you try to keep the hurt to a minimum...

The strife your wife feels, the failure, uncertainty, pain and loathing... a constant battle with what is going on and her own thoughts...

Your children... what example is it that you would be passing on to them.

You try to fool yourself by saying oh they dont know or see... with your foolish thoughts of that you would be wrong, for they see! The hurt stings they try to take an ignorance is bliss approach to live and keep the peace for isnt she doing what you are... its been so long, I love him, its my fault to, for the sake of the children...

Many things arnt worth arguing about for you know that 5 years down the road it will be forgotten... but for a persistent problem such as this that is doomed to repeat itself you have only two options and the solution is determinded not in the past.... but in the future!!!'

Drop all ties with your affairs and devote yourself as a husband, as a father... live with your self daily... resent your lacking but do what you feel is right by them...

Or

Prevent future pain to your family by admitting (if you feel you cant be devoted) that you must give up your family for the sake of your family... be selfish and hated by others who dont understand

But this isnt about what others think... it is your judgement call... your limitations or strength... About what is best for your family in the future...

Keep your wife close and talk with her!!! and god with you!!!

Remains

If you were open to an affair then there were problems in your marriage. Therefore, they need addressing. sort them out & all else will follow. You will continue as a couple, closer due to having sorted out the problems, or you will decide to split & go your separate said because the problems are irrecoconcilable. THEN you are free to meet someone new.

Only way to sort out problems is to talk, honestly & openly. Truthful to yourself and to your wife. Plenty of chat, ESPECIALLY after something like this.