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post #16 of 164 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 09:31 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

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Originally Posted by FeministInPink View Post
Quite possibly an Italian trait--but Italy is a pretty diverse country in and of itself, as are its people and diaspora. (Not necessarily in regards to ethnicity, but each region of the country has its own unique subculture, food, colloquialisms. If you are Italian, you identify more with your region than as an Italian.)

Unless she's dumb as a rock, and it's pretty clear that she isn't, she knows you were making a pass. Don't worry about looking needy. Just because you take a risk and make the ask, and then don't get a positive answer, that doesn't make you needy. Just asking a woman out doesn't make you needy.
I meant - I didn't want to rephrase or make a 2nd event - that I thought that would look needy/clingy/pushy.

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post #17 of 164 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 09:35 AM
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

Maybe you can just flat out ask her if she's interested in meeting face to face? Hopefully she can just be honest with you.

"Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow."
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post #18 of 164 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 09:39 AM
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

And I saw a third take on the response: that she was out of town for pancakes day, and wouldn't be able to go to it because she simply wasn't around to do so.

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Originally Posted by Nucking Futs View Post
I don't see that at all. I read her response and pictured her putting her hand on your head and pushing you back down into the friend zone you just tried to get out of.

A response of "That's nice, but..." to an invite out? Hardly expressing interest.
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post #19 of 164 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 09:44 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

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Maybe you can just flat out ask her if she's interested in meeting face to face? Hopefully she can just be honest with you.
Well this is partially why I am here - debating it with you guys. I have asked in the past - before I really started to generate feelings for her - if she wanted to meet for a coffee. One of her interests - is something I am also pursuing - so I wanted/want to meet up with her to discuss it - offer her a bit of cash than just do something as a mate - to help me create a particular personal web project. She is a designer, I am a developer.

I was a bit stumped at her initial response - I was expecting a flat out rejection -- not my type, I got a BF, don't want a relationship etc.. I think she was really taken back by those flowers - and I chose to own up to them. She was actually ill -so I ended up sending her two bouquets. I had only planned to send one - so I suppose it elongated/hyped the moment/period.

I actually felt her initial response was positive -but then quite ambiguous - and maybe actually a rejection.
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post #20 of 164 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 09:46 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

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And I saw a third take on the response: that she was out of town for pancakes day, and wouldn't be able to go to it because she simply wasn't around to do so.
I am assessing this. I feel it strange should lie to me - be so specific about something like that - but then I don't feel it uncommon with her. I've tried to back off for now.
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post #21 of 164 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 09:47 AM
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

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I know she is a real person. I've been in communication with her over facebook and linkedin - and can see her instagram and a reflection of real life events that occur in between.

I've known her for a year - but never pushed each other to meet. I am just saying I have feelings for her.
You have never seen her though have you. She may not be the person she says she is. Her picture may be false. Ask if you can skype or meet her face to face. If she says no then she is either catfishing or isn't interested. You have already asked her out a few times and she has turned you down.
The phrase 'men are intimidated by me' sounds a little, shall we say, arrogant? Maybe that's her way of trying to justify to herself why she can't get a boyfriend?

Last edited by Diana7; 02-27-2017 at 09:56 AM.
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post #22 of 164 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 10:00 AM
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

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Well this is partially why I am here - debating it with you guys. I have asked in the past - before I really started to generate feelings for her - if she wanted to meet for a coffee. One of her interests - is something I am also pursuing - so I wanted/want to meet up with her to discuss it - offer her a bit of cash than just do something as a mate - to help me create a particular personal web project. She is a designer, I am a developer.

I was a bit stumped at her initial response - I was expecting a flat out rejection -- not my type, I got a BF, don't want a relationship etc.. I think she was really taken back by those flowers - and I chose to own up to them. She was actually ill -so I ended up sending her two bouquets. I had only planned to send one - so I suppose it elongated/hyped the moment/period.

I actually felt her initial response was positive -but then quite ambiguous - and maybe actually a rejection.
If she's wishy washy, then I would just take that to mean that she's not interested. It really should just be a yes or no answer. "Are you interested in meeting face to face? Yes or no?" Just ask this question in general; don't attach a date/time/place to it.

Move on. For me, that would just drive me bonkers with someone that isn't able to just give a straight answer with clear meaning.

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post #23 of 164 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 10:02 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

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You have never seen her though have you.She may not be the person she says she is. Her picture may be false.
- you are right - I have not met her in person.
- She may not be the person she is -- I believe this to some degree -- there are almost two sides to her -- modeleque/high class (very good with make-up) -- then more traditional Italian, family orientated - down to earth and business focused.

- but I do believe she is a real person. Tonality, pictures, video with sound -- instagram, facebook, twitter and linkedin.

I feel she must get a lot of attention - from a lot of guys - but she is living on her own - and despite her success and beauty - maybe missing that romantic aspect in her life.
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post #24 of 164 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 10:07 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

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Originally Posted by tropicalbeachiwish View Post
If she's wishy washy, then I would just take that to mean that she's not interested. It really should just be a yes or no answer. "Are you interested in meeting face to face? Yes or no?" Just ask this question in general; don't attach a date/time/place to it.

Move on. For me, that would just drive me bonkers with someone that isn't able to just give a straight answer with clear meaning.
I do feel you are right - like there should be clarity. I only invoked this first attempt on friday. I sent her the flowers because I do like her - I don't have backups. I try and evaluate my feelings on things like this. Whilst trying to keep a level head at the same time - play it cool.
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post #25 of 164 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 10:13 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

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You have never seen her though have you. She may not be the person she says she is. Her picture may be false. Ask if you can skype or meet her face to face. If she says no then she is either catfishing or isn't interested. You have already asked her out a few times and she has turned you down.
The phrase 'men are intimidated by me' sounds a little, shall we say, arrogant? Maybe that's her way of trying to justify to herself why she can't get a boyfriend?
I have seen a few photos of here without make-up. She has felt anxious and ugly - when she was out of work. We do share similar vulnerabilities and strengths - like when it comes to freelance work. I take senior roles myself from time to time - lead teams - I have worked as a contractor maybe longer than she has - and tried to give her the support and bolster that confidence to ensure she always has work - and feels she can grow her career. I care about her. She reciprocates at least.

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post #26 of 164 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 10:33 AM
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

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Originally Posted by zeezack View Post
I know she is a real person. I've been in communication with her over facebook and linkedin - and can see her instagram and a reflection of real life events that occur in between.

I've known her for a year - but never pushed each other to meet. I am just saying I have feelings for her.
Have you ever spoken to her on the phone?
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post #27 of 164 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 10:41 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

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Have you ever spoken to her on the phone?
No. I've not asked for her number. I felt though that the conversations we had - were very internal and honest. Perhaps I should have asked for it earlier on - it didn't cross my mind earlier on - but either way - I am trying not to bother her further - in any medium. Give her space.
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post #28 of 164 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 11:08 AM
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

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No. I've not asked for her number. I felt though that the conversations we had - were very internal and honest. Perhaps I should have asked for it earlier on - it didn't cross my mind earlier on - but either way - I am trying not to bother her further - in any medium. Give her space.
Yes probably the best thing, she does sound a little confused about who she is and what she wants in life.Maybe she contacted you in the hope that you could send some work her way.
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post #29 of 164 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 11:16 AM
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

Not sure if anyone else mentioned this but just to toss this out there. You need to be very careful when you cross a boundary into a persons professional life. Getting flowers at work from an anonymous source could very have offended her or put her in an uncomfortable position. That even goes to emails and such, many work places monitor their employees office emails.

Honestly the more you have written the more I think she has just been doing some friendly networking, nothing you have said makes me think she is interested romantically.
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post #30 of 164 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 11:20 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

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Yes probably the best thing, she does sound a little confused about who she is and what she wants in life.Maybe she contacted you in the hope that you could send some work her way.
She contacted me - after I made an update on linkedin when I was looking for work and had my contract revoked by the company she was in an interview process for. She has tried to send me job posts in the past to help me - as I have her.

Last edited by zeezack; 02-27-2017 at 11:31 AM.
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