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post #91 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 09:34 AM
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

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Originally Posted by Cooper View Post
She lied because she realized you wanted something from her instead of her just taking from you. First she lied by omission, she never reveled she had a boyfriend, she appeared to be single. She does that on purpose so she can use her looks and charms to manipulate men. She will continue to act single until a guy pushes to hard, then she pulls out the boyfriend card, the boyfriend who may or may not exist. She is not the sweet wholesome girl you think, if she was the second you tried to take things to a personal level she would have said "sorry, I have a boyfriend" Did she do that? Nope. You asked her to meet, you sent her flowers twice, why didn't she say something then? Because she liked the attention and was still hoping to possibly get something out of you professionally, or possibly personally. And by personally I'm not talking romantically, I'm talking about attention or material things.

And sure she explained things out further after the fact, again that's not her being forthcoming, that's called damage control, she needs to leave you feeling like you misread things so she doesn't get outed to the world that she's manipulating her way thru life. She did a great job didn't she? You feel like this was all on you right?

Zeezack you sound like a nice guy, too nice. Stop trying to defend this woman as sweet and special, she knew exactly what you wanted and she knew exactly what she was doing by not being forthcoming. You never met her or spoke directly to her, you have this fantasy image in your head of a sweet little princess when in reality she could be a nasty ***** black widow feeding on men.
I so agree with this,what girl contacts a strange man she knows nothing about and strings him along for a year? For all she knew you could have been married or in a relationship.It was inappropriate.
If she wasn't interested she should have told you immediately she knew you were wanting more.
Just because a woman seems attractive doesn't men they are nice or genuine. It always amazes me how some men will let themselves get caught up with a woman just because she is pretty(and we don't even know she is using her own photos)and ignores the many red flags.

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post #92 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 09:59 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

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I so agree with this,what girl contacts a strange man she knows nothing about and strings him along for a year? For all she knew you could have been married or in a relationship.It was inappropriate.
If she wasn't interested she should have told you immediately she knew you were wanting more.
Just because a woman seems attractive doesn't men they are nice or genuine. It always amazes me how some men will let themselves get caught up with a woman just because she is pretty(and we don't even know she is using her own photos)and ignores the many red flags.

You have your facts wrong.

"what girl contacts a strange man"
^ I work in the same industry - and her very very initial contact with me was business orientated - as I had actually been on her network list far earlier like 2012 - but never talked until that point. I felt though she was very personable and interesting and added her to my facebook later that same day.

"strings him along for a year?"
^ she didn't. We have been talking for about a year since that moment I just mentioned. She never led me on - and there was never any direct flirting. If anyone that started flirting it was totally me - where I would compliment her on a dress she had worn or her hair. She would say thank you, and that was that.


"For all she knew you could have been married or in a relationship. It was inappropriate."
^ ok - so as I mentioned she didn't lead me on, ever - we did start to discuss relationships and I told her I was divorced. So as far as we each knew about each other - we were single. I thought she may have seen a guy around Aug-Sep - but it had fizzled out. So I had assumed she was single. But like I said neither of us made any romantic gestures - until I did 1/2 a month ago - by sending her flowers to her work place. She had told me she had started working at this place - and there anxiety about finding a job in early-mid January.

"If she wasn't interested she should have told you immediately she knew you were wanting more."
^ yes - I agree to this. Maybe it was a bit embarrassing for her - to be fair - I had sent the flowers - and then the only time I tried to invoke any kind of date setup was like last Friday -- 24th Feb - so this is where this forum thread began.


"Just because a woman seems attractive doesn't mean they are nice or genuine."
^ I've always thought she was pretty - but like many many pretty women out there and ones I network with - I didn't have the kind of conversations like I had with her. Conversations like - you do design, I need a friend designer - perhaps you can help me with this project - we can help each other in our defined careers. Then we started to find out we liked similar things - but I mean some very specific, niche interests and ideas we each had shared -- in relation to the projects I am doing as hobby. So here we have a very attractive women who has ALWAYS been polite, friendly and interesting. We revealed to each other our fears, desires, passions - and education and experience.

"It always amazes me how some men will let themselves get caught up with a woman just because she is pretty(and we don't even know she is using her own photos)and ignores the many red flags."
^ listen - firstly she USES her own photos and videos - I am sure of it -- its a cross reference from several social networks - she is friends on facebook with someone I've worked with - so I can ask him and confirm of her existence and looks. What red flags were ignored - I didn't even secure a starbucks coffee meet with this girl to go over some design work - let alone take her to a steak house or what. I wanted to meet her in person to try and pick up on any and all red flags. I am an educated and cautious guy. I am young, muscular - full set of hair - considered handsome - I got my own business and money cash flow - and I am healthy - so I do what I can not to be duped.
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post #93 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 10:30 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

My friend - that is friend's with her - on fb. A guy I've worked with said these exact words

"She a friend of a friend
Don't know much mate
But she's cool
And hot
"
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post #94 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 10:31 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

To be honest though - yes I like attractive girls - but I don't send out a mass of flowers to them - I liked this girl because I felt with clicked during the conversations we had. I've seen photos of her without her make-up - and I am not really a fan of make-up. I would be alright with her without it.

She is also on holiday - so I feel at least she has always been honest about her movements.

Last edited by zeezack; 03-03-2017 at 10:36 AM.
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post #95 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 11:12 AM
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

ok, @zeezack, I'm going to be blunt about this. STOP OBSESSING ABOUT THIS WOMAN. You're projecting all kinds of things and ideas about who she is, and the fact of the matter is you have a crush, and it seems like a BFD because it's the first one since your divorce. But STOP. She's nothing special, she's just a person. She doesn't poop rainbows. She's just a person, another fish in the sea. And she's not interested.

She may have led you on a little bit because she liked the attention. Stop defending her. You don't know anything about her. You've never even met her in person. MOVE ON and stop dwelling on this. You've already spent far too much time over-analyzing her behavior since she declined the first time. That first decline without a follow-up for an alternate meeting on her part was her telling you she's not interested. You are just punishing yourself by continuing to dwell on this. Stop wasting your energy on someone who isn't interested and go out and find someone who IS.

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post #96 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 11:39 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

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ok, @zeezack, I'm going to be blunt about this. STOP OBSESSING ABOUT THIS WOMAN. You're projecting all kinds of things and ideas about who she is, and the fact of the matter is you have a crush, and it seems like a BFD because it's the first one since your divorce. But STOP. She's nothing special, she's just a person. She doesn't poop rainbows. She's just a person, another fish in the sea. And she's not interested.

She may have led you on a little bit because she liked the attention. Stop defending her. You don't know anything about her. You've never even met her in person. MOVE ON and stop dwelling on this. You've already spent far too much time over-analyzing her behavior since she declined the first time. That first decline without a follow-up for an alternate meeting on her part was her telling you she's not interested. You are just punishing yourself by continuing to dwell on this. Stop wasting your energy on someone who isn't interested and go out and find someone who IS.
Yeah my situation has really only been brewing for about 14 days.
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post #97 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 11:43 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

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Yeah my situation has really only been brewing for about 14 days.
Really actually like 7 days - as it was friday - I actually tried to ask her out for the first time - post-flowers. So you know - please let me quench my current emotions first - like letting go of my lost marriage, overcoming the potential for a new romantic interest, ambiguous rejection, rejection from "I got a boyfriend".

I really see serious partner level feelings for this girl and took the courage to try and carry it through as best I could.

Last edited by zeezack; 03-03-2017 at 11:52 AM.
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post #98 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 12:06 PM
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

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Really actually like 7 days - as it was friday - I actually tried to ask her out for the first time - post-flowers. So you know - please let me quench my current emotions first - like letting go of my lost marriage, overcoming the potential for a new romantic interest, ambiguous rejection, rejection from "I got a boyfriend".

I really see serious partner level feelings for this girl and took the courage to try and carry it through as best I could.
You just need to chill out. You're going to have to ask out a lot of women, go out on a lot of first dates and get a lot of rejections before you find one that sticks.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #99 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 12:10 PM
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

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You just need to chill out. You're going to have to ask out a lot of women, go out on a lot of first dates and get a lot of rejections before you find one that sticks.
You don't have to, but if you don't I hope you let us know so I can call you an idiot and put up my head slap gif.

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Your marriage reminds me of a guy dragging a dead whale across the beach.
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post #100 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 12:39 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

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You don't have to, but if you don't I hope you let us know so I can call you an idiot and put up my head slap gif.
Its not about - going on LOADS of dates with DIFFERENT women - right - its about finding ONE you REALLY like - and THINK has good long term partner qualities in.

I didn't make a bad choice at ALL. Given the situation - we maturely explained ourselves - on a very personal and private level - same as before. I didn't unfriend her, despite the set back of the situation.

I am disheartened that despite the crescendo in feelings and action - I've still yet to meet this amazing woman in person - if only on a platonic level to connect more in person.

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post #101 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 01:57 PM
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

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Its not about - going on LOADS of dates with DIFFERENT women - right - its about finding ONE you REALLY like - and THINK has good long term partner qualities in.

I didn't make a bad choice at ALL. Given the situation - we maturely explained ourselves - on a very personal and private level - same as before. I didn't unfriend her, despite the set back of the situation.

I am disheartened that despite the crescendo in feelings and action - I've still yet to meet this amazing woman in person - if only on a platonic level to connect more in person.
Why do that to yourself? Why put yourself under her spell even more?

Also dating is a numbers game, different people have different things to offer, don't try to be super selective, just go out and have some fun. Every date is a different experience, you may be surprised who ends up lighting your fire. Think about it, how many times in your life have you met someone and barely acknowledged a hello, yet an hour later you're thinking to yourself how cool that person ended up being, or how attracted you ended up being to that person? Fill your calendar buddy!
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post #102 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 02:40 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

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Why do that to yourself? Why put yourself under her spell even more?

Also dating is a numbers game, different people have different things to offer, don't try to be super selective, just go out and have some fun. Every date is a different experience, you may be surprised who ends up lighting your fire. Think about it, how many times in your life have you met someone and barely acknowledged a hello, yet an hour later you're thinking to yourself how cool that person ended up being, or how attracted you ended up being to that person? Fill your calendar buddy!
-- I meant - if we had gone on a date - and it didn't work out. That's what I meant.

- I don't do gambling like this.
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post #103 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 02:41 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

My first girlfriend - actually became my wife - and she was a traditional Chinese woman - so essentially I've only ever had one girlfriend and that was a long term relationship of 10 years before she left me. So that should put some things into context about how I choose my potential partners really. Why I have a 7 page thread on a failed first date attempt.
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post #104 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 04:29 PM
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

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My first girlfriend - actually became my wife - and she was a traditional Chinese woman - so essentially I've only ever had one girlfriend and that was a long term relationship of 10 years before she left me. So that should put some things into context about how I choose my potential partners really. Why I have a 7 page thread on a failed first date attempt.
Then maybe you need to take a different approach, friend

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post #105 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 04:53 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

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Then maybe you need to take a different approach, friend

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Well I really did 2 days ago. I didn't even ask my wife out when she was a girlfriend - she was my housemate at the time - and it was her that invoked an interest in a relationship.
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