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post #106 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 05:28 PM
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

I mean by casting a wider net and not focusing all you attention in just one woman so early.

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post #107 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 06:06 PM
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

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Originally Posted by zeezack View Post
Really actually like 7 days - as it was friday - I actually tried to ask her out for the first time - post-flowers. So you know - please let me quench my current emotions first - like letting go of my lost marriage, overcoming the potential for a new romantic interest, ambiguous rejection, rejection from "I got a boyfriend".

I really see serious partner level feelings for this girl and took the courage to try and carry it through as best I could.
Dude, she has given you every indication that she doesn't reciprocate your feelings. Sure, she's amazing, she's hot, she's perfect, she's real, she's the best thing since sliced bread.

But sorry, she's taken, or not interested, or not about to get involved with some guy she met on LinkedIn.
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post #108 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 06:25 PM
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

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Before Valentines day - I found myself ordering flowers for the Italian girl, to be sent to her new place of work (on Valentines day). It was a spontaneous act. I sent the flowers anonymously. The day came and I find out she is ill - she didn't return to work until near the end of the week - and was extremely happy to receive the flowers, but they were dying by that time. I had a 2nd batch - a different type - sent to her the following week so she could appreciate fresh flowers properly.


Two batches of flowers, sent one after another to a woman you've never met before, or have any kind of established relationship with??


Screams "DESPERATE".
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post #109 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 06:33 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

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Dude, she has given you every indication that she doesn't reciprocate your feelings. Sure, she's amazing, she's hot, she's perfect, she's real, she's the best thing since sliced bread.

But sorry, she's taken, or not interested, or not about to get involved with some guy she met on LinkedIn.
Yes - we know this now. But I am glad I followed through. We also added each other on facebook and found out we share circles with a good friend of mine. So I was hoping that perhaps - if we had hooked up we could reconnect through my friend a bit more. Friends of friends.

"given you every indication that she doesn't reciprocate your feelings"
^ I felt it important to make a pass to at least invoke an actual meet - as opposed to keep chatting on social networks each week - each month. Be easier right? I wanted though to welcome a confident, successful and passionate woman into my circle - and really at least to see how we respond to each other in person.

Was there some attraction? In all the times we spoke so openly to each other during our conversations, was she always taken? Did she ever wonder? I didn't reciprocate feelings myself until 2 weeks ago when I assessed my own feelings on my overall interactions with her - and said - no I do like this girl - I want to send her flowers. I think she is special. Boom -- flowers sent - point of no return passed.

Last edited by zeezack; 03-03-2017 at 07:04 PM.
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post #110 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 06:39 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

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Two batches of flowers, sent one after another to a woman you've never met before, or have any kind of established relationship with??


Screams "DESPERATE".
As mentioned - I had only planned to send one bouquet of flowers ok. But they hadn't been put in water - and so after 3 days they were dying by the time they got to her.

I was checking in with the florist - did the first batch arrive ok, how long they will last - I told them she got them but they were dying - and they gave me the option to send a 2nd fresh bouquet - so I said yes to that and sent her this time French roses - which she loved. I wanted her to actually appreciate fresh flowers for a larger portion of the week. So really its one gift.

I have a good open communication with her - and as I mentioned - it was a friendly set of conversations only - but I wanted to see if its something that could be opened up into a relationship - I didn't know how I felt about her - until I made the choice to get her flowers.
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post #111 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 06:53 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

It did kind of complicate things - but you know - I don't think its desperate to send a girl FRESH flowers so she can appreciate them - because the first batch you sent were dying in a box for 3 days - maybe even more. If it was just a box of chocolates then I wouldn't have sent a 2nd box.
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post #112 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 06:58 PM
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl





Quote:
Originally Posted by zeezack View Post
As mentioned - I had only planned to send one bouquet of flowers ok. But they hadn't been put in water - and so after 3 days they were dying by the time they got to her.

I was checking in with the florist - did the first batch arrive ok, how long they will last - I told them she got them but they were dying - and they gave me the option to send a 2nd fresh bouquet - so I said yes to that and sent her this time French roses - which she loved. I wanted her to actually appreciate fresh flowers for a larger portion of the week. So really its one gift.

I have a good open communication with her - and as I mentioned - it was a friendly set of conversations only - but I wanted to see if its something that could be opened up into a relationship - I didn't know how I felt about her - until I made the choice to get her flowers.
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post #113 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 07:09 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

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I know the approach was odd - but I saw it as a big step though myself to getting over the loss of a marriage. So getting the flowers for a new person - was a big step - when your ex-wife abandoned you because of cultural differences or had given you an ultimatum about wanting to have children in an unstable marriage. It was the first time I've generated feelings for another since my marriage.
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post #114 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 07:18 PM
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

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I know the approach was odd - but I saw it as a big step though myself to getting over the loss of a marriage. So getting the flowers for a new person - was a big step - when your ex-wife abandoned you because of cultural differences or had given you an ultimatum about wanting to have children in an unstable marriage. It was the first time I've generated feelings for another since my marriage.


Giving flowers is an extremely romantic gesture. It should be reserved for a woman whom you have dated for a while. A woman who *obviously* returns your romantic interest, and who has maybe picked up the check on one of your dates, at least.

Giving two bouquets of flowers to a woman you had only known through a career networking website for two weeks (???), is somewhat inappropriate, and looks desperate.


I understand that you are lonely and had a long recovery time from your former marriage. I'm sorry about that.

Don't compound the problem by bending over backwards for women who really, let's face it, you mean nothing to.

Save your flowers (and your money, for crying out loud), for a woman who has earned that type of status in your life.

Sending flowers to a stranger, makes the act of sending flowers meaningless. This Italian lady probably thought of it that way.

I'm being cruel to to be kind. But I'm trying to help.
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post #115 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 07:32 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

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Originally Posted by notmyrealname4 View Post
Giving flowers is an extremely romantic gesture. It should be reserved for a woman whom you have dated for a while. A woman who *obviously* returns your romantic interest, and who has maybe picked up the check on one of your dates, at least.

Giving two bouquets of flowers to a woman you had only known through a career networking website for two weeks (???), is somewhat inappropriate, and looks desperate.


I understand that you are lonely and had a long recovery time from your former marriage. I'm sorry about that.

Don't compound the problem by bending over backwards for women who really, let's face it, you mean nothing to.

Save your flowers (and your money, for crying out loud), for a woman who has earned that type of status in your life.

Sending flowers to a stranger, makes the act of sending flowers meaningless. This Italian lady probably thought of it that way.

I'm being cruel to to be kind. But I'm trying to help.

Your facts are wrong.


"Giving flowers is an extremely romantic gesture."
^ yes

"It should be reserved for a woman whom you have dated for a while."
^ life isn't perfect or predictable - I didn't think or feel this way about her until mid-Feb (this year).

"A woman who *obviously* returns your romantic interest, and who has maybe picked up the check on one of your dates, at least."
^ well again - life doesn't work this way - neither does the rise of emotions you get - when a day of romance is due - and yes - these are logical steps before you do it - but I felt we had spoken ENOUGH - and fluently enough - and had invested time in each other virtually - I thought well - we have never met - so there is a sense of mystery on both ends - as such could we or would we work as a couple.

"Giving two bouquets of flowers to a woman you had only known through a career networking website for two weeks (???), is somewhat inappropriate, and looks desperate."
^ I connected with her - in Feb LAST year - so Feb 2016 we started to chat. So I've been talking to her on and off each week/month since. I had planned to just give her one, but her illness complicated things - so I don't still see this as desperate -- maybe it could have been really inappropriate - but I felt the risk if things turned out well was worthy.

"Don't compound the problem by bending over backwards for women who really, let's face it, you mean nothing to."
^ all part of life and taking risks and chances - and assessing if she wants to just carry on chatting online or if she would be interested in meeting directly.

"Save your flowers (and your money, for crying out loud), for a woman who has earned that type of status in your life."
^ It all sounds very logical and all knowing - but I decided to go with my feelings and see what the impact would be.

"Sending flowers to a stranger, makes the act of sending flowers meaningless. This Italian lady probably thought of it that way."
^ I don't see her as a stranger - and I don't think she sees me as a strange either - we have been in contact for over a year.

"I understand that you are lonely and had a long recovery time from your former marriage. I'm sorry about that. I'm being cruel to to be kind. But I'm trying to help."
^ right - but your facts are wrong -- the 2 weeks time you have here - is really when I invoked the decision and action to act on feelings I had started to have for her.

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post #116 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 07:34 PM
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

Okay, best of luck.
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post #117 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 06:49 PM
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

Op, just wanted to say CONGRATS on getting back into the pool. 3 years is a long time (and long enough). Don't worry about her reasons. You took a shot and it just didn't work out. Stay professional with her and move on to others.
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post #118 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 09:42 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

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Op, just wanted to say CONGRATS on getting back into the pool. 3 years is a long time (and long enough). Don't worry about her reasons. You took a shot and it just didn't work out. Stay professional with her and move on to others.
Thank you. This girl is special. I think I overwhelmed her a little; I've said my piece now - so I will hold off from contacting her, give her time to absorb what I had said. I respect she is in a relationship and told her I want her to be happy and hoped for the best.

You need to understand that I still have my old wedding rings. One of the thoughts I was having about asking this girl out - just to grasp an understanding of my seriousness here was to consider the future point of selling the rings to settle down with this other woman. I know that's really out there - but its amongst one of the thoughts I had to consider switching gears.

I was foolish to pine over my wife for so long - I had been talking to this girl since Feb 2016 but only started to have feelings for her since the start of Feb 2017. I've been going over my past conversations with her - I should have asked her out much earlier on, but I didn't know or feel the way I do now.

Last edited by zeezack; 03-04-2017 at 10:46 PM.
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post #119 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 10:57 PM
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

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Thank you. This girl is special. I think I overwhelmed her a little; I've said my piece now - so I will hold off from contacting her, give her time to absorb what I had said. I respect she is in a relationship and told her I want her to be happy and hoped for the best.

You need to understand that I still have my old wedding rings. One of the thoughts I was having about asking this girl out - just to grasp an understanding of my seriousness here was to consider the future point of selling the rings to settle down with this other woman. I know that's really out there - but its amongst one of the thoughts I had to consider switching gears.

I was foolish to pine over my wife for so long - I had been talking to this girl since Feb 2016 but only started to have feelings for her since the start of Feb 2017. I've been going over my past conversations with her - I should have asked her out much earlier on, but I didn't know or feel the way I do now.
Maybe stop over thinking it all and move on.
Before I met and married my second husband I got to know 3 other men quite well on line and we got on great. Once we met in person there was nothing there, no spark. There is NO way that you can know anything until you actually meet. I feel you were almost making her out to be something she wasn't, she will have bad habits and faults and weaknesses just as we all do, on line people will project what they want you to know.

Put it down to experience and move on.
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post #120 of 164 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 11:06 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Flowers sent to an Italian girl

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Maybe stop over thinking it all and move on.
Before I met and married my second husband I got to know 3 other men quite well on line and we got on great. Once we met in person there was nothing there, no spark. There is NO way that you can know anything until you actually meet. I feel you were almost making her out to be something she wasn't, she will have bad habits and faults and weaknesses just as we all do, on line people will project what they want you to know.

Put it down to experience and move on.
"I feel you were almost making her out to be something she wasn't, she will have bad habits and faults and weaknesses just as we all do, on line people will project what they want you to know. "
^ that's a fair statement. I am a really patient and tolerant person - I would feel I would try and work through these bad points and weaknesses. I feel that is what partially attracted me to her - because she has some insecurities. I started to feel protective of her, but could only offer support in a limited scope.

Well just going through the motions. Only found out on Thursday she has a guy. In a parallel universe - I would be taking her to a cocktail bar in 10 hours - to try and see if there is at least a spark. Feelings are still raw.

Last edited by zeezack; 03-04-2017 at 11:36 PM.
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