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post #46 of 111 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 09:18 PM
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Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

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Originally Posted by frusdil View Post
That's great news Glad it went well!!

If you like her, call her within a day or so (no longer) and organise a firm plan for the next date. If that one goes well, before you leave set up the next one...my husband did that when we were dating - always firmed up the next date...I LOVED it!!! He always called when he said he would, and if he was running late he'd text me to let me know and that he'd call at X time instead if that was ok with me...He valued my time as well as his own. Big brownie points

Continue to plan other dates until you know if you want to continue to see this woman...they don't have to be fancy - just a coffee date will be fine. Just continue to keep your options open for now. You'll know after two or three dates with this woman whether you want to be exclusive with her...continuing to date others after three or so dates with this one would not be fair.


Hold off the dinner and movie thing until the third or fourth date. Often on my 2nd or 3rd

"official" date (coffee meet n greet, not a real date), I have gathered what she enjoys doing

or would like to do sometime (a female will say she is interested in things the guy likes,

even if she has never done it or doesn't have any interest in). Make the date interesting...

I live at the foothills of a National Park. "I can't exactly tell you what we are doing but

dress very casual." But only do that, that early if you got a good feel about her.

One thing I have learned over the last couple years, females 32 and up.... will bring up the "dinner at home

and movie" after 2,3, or 4 dates. Mostly at their place. But in OPs case, would have to be

at his. First couple "home dates" OP cooks, usually the female will offer to then cook.

As Frus said.... you're the guy, nail down the next date eye to eye. Date doesn't have to be

"set in stone" but if it will be Saturday evening, lock that down immediately.


A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #47 of 111 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 11:04 PM Thread Starter
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Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

She did hit about cooking with me on the first date. She stated she's a great baker and would like to learn to cook more. That is why I thought it would be a good third date, with a date during the week. However, I do not want to be too overzealous. I did text her this morning (I got home at 2am after our date last night) and said I had a wonderful time and look forward to seeing her again very soon. She replied back 3 hours later and said so does she. Prior to our first date, she did reply back within minutes. I could be over thinking things, however, aside from us sitting down to get to know each other, she didn't touch her phone once. I will call her after work on Monday and see if she wants to do something on Saturday. One would assume that since I texted her this morning, if she had second thoughts, she could had killed it right there via text. All I can do is try.
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post #48 of 111 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 11:08 PM Thread Starter
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Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

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Originally Posted by Chuck71 View Post


Hold off the dinner and movie thing until the third or fourth date. Often on my 2nd or 3rd

"official" date (coffee meet n greet, not a real date), I have gathered what she enjoys doing

or would like to do sometime (a female will say she is interested in things the guy likes,

even if she has never done it or doesn't have any interest in). Make the date interesting...

I live at the foothills of a National Park. "I can't exactly tell you what we are doing but

dress very casual." But only do that, that early if you got a good feel about her.

One thing I have learned over the last couple years, females 32 and up.... will bring up the "dinner at home

and movie" after 2,3, or 4 dates. Mostly at their place. But in OPs case, would have to be

at his. First couple "home dates" OP cooks, usually the female will offer to then cook.

As Frus said.... you're the guy, nail down the next date eye to eye. Date doesn't have to be

"set in stone" but if it will be Saturday evening, lock that down immediately.
I saw an ad on Facebook for painting near her. I am going to suggest we do a paint date then dinner. I think that will be a nice relaxing experience.

I love to cook, so it's no issue for me to cook. I cook all the time for myself, family and the neighbors in the nice weather. Just think it would be a really nice experience for us both to cook together. Hopefully, we'll get to a third date and that will be experienced.
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post #49 of 111 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 11:13 PM Thread Starter
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Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

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Has she EVER lived alone or with roommate? Or lived with a guy before?

Granted.... if she has a four year degree she was in the first group of students whom I call

"wallpaper degree holders." Got a degree, can't do a damn thing with it, have $60,000

in student loans. HITF... can they move out.... SL's, rent, car, food, lights, water, etc.

$60k @ 60 months... like a damn mortgage payment by itself. So... it's not as big a deal being 33

and living at home. You don't have a choice. Wasn't that way 20-30 years ago.
Don't think so. I do not know if she has an student loans. However, I should ask her; should we get more comfortable with each other. I know about the wallpaper degrees. Her's are in childhood education (BS & MS). Full medical, dental, pension, tenure, etc. What's more important is it seems she is really passionate and loves what she does. I've met so many teachers who are just there for security and couldn't care less. It will be nice to see if her personality changes. Most are on their best behavior, so I do have that in the back of my mind. Since this is the second go around, I am more wiser than prior to my marriage. I have my ears and eyes peeled. Every person starts with a clean slate, however, I will lean on my experience and gut to get me through the minefield of dating.
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post #50 of 111 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 11:14 PM Thread Starter
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Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

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Sounds like a good possibility. Better stay cool. Relationships should be 50/50.

Don't go overboard.
Agreed. I am keeping that in mind. I was way too nice to my ex-wife. Wayyyyyyyyyyyyy too nice and too accepting for whatever SHE wants for too long. Not going down that road again.
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post #51 of 111 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 11:17 PM Thread Starter
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Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

Quote:
Originally Posted by frusdil View Post
That's great news Glad it went well!!

If you like her, call her within a day or so (no longer) and organise a firm plan for the next date. If that one goes well, before you leave set up the next one...my husband did that when we were dating - always firmed up the next date...I LOVED it!!! He always called when he said he would, and if he was running late he'd text me to let me know and that he'd call at X time instead if that was ok with me...He valued my time as well as his own. Big brownie points

Continue to plan other dates until you know if you want to continue to see this woman...they don't have to be fancy - just a coffee date will be fine. Just continue to keep your options open for now. You'll know after two or three dates with this woman whether you want to be exclusive with her...continuing to date others after three or so dates with this one would not be fair.
If she continues to be who she was on the first date, I can see something. However, my eyes are wide open. It was the longest first kiss I ever had, so I went back for a second. We'll see, not going to get ahead of myself here. I will call after work on Monday. Six days ahead of Saturday should be enough time.
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post #52 of 111 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 11:24 PM
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Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

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She did hit about cooking with me on the first date. She stated she's a great baker and would like to learn to cook more. That is why I thought it would be a good third date, with a date during the week. However, I do not want to be too overzealous. I did text her this morning (I got home at 2am after our date last night) and said I had a wonderful time and look forward to seeing her again very soon. She replied back 3 hours later and said so does she. Prior to our first date, she did reply back within minutes. I could be over thinking things, however, aside from us sitting down to get to know each other, she didn't touch her phone once. I will call her after work on Monday and see if she wants to do something on Saturday. One would assume that since I texted her this morning, if she had second thoughts, she could had killed it right there via text. All I can do is try.
Even if my date went schitty... I always ask the female to let me know she made it home safe.

Just a -Home safe, good night- is all I ask. Maybe I'm old school but I always want to know

she made it home safe, even if she was an arse on the date. Like Frus's b/f, he said he

would call at xxx. And he did. That can give the girl the chance to blow you off "politely."

But if she doesn't know when you will call, she may miss your call and then you think she was

blowing you off and you move on. She's there thinking -WTF I liked him and he never called me back-

Course that's from the pre-text/email days. Things have changed.

But when you nail down a date for next time.... half of your questions are already answered.

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #53 of 111 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 12:51 AM
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Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

Read up very carefully and apply it
http://r.search.yahoo.com/_ylt=A0LEV...g1glsduMFyNjg-
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post #54 of 111 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 05:32 AM
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Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

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There in lies a small issue. She's 33 and lives with her parents. She has a twin sister who just moved out because she got married. She lives in the high rent district so she feels it's better to save money than to waste on rent. However, during the date, she did seem interested in cooking with me and movie nights at my place. Normally, a woman living with her parents, I would decline, however, we really hit it off really well.
After my divorce (early 30s) I lived with my mom and much younger siblings while I was working and saving rent money. I bought all my own groceries and helped around the house. I lived an independent existence and was able to successfully date guys for 2 years before I could afford move into my own place. My husband found me a year later.

Don't write off a woman that age living at home. If she's not obviously a mooch, there's probably a good story behind it that you don't know.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
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post #55 of 111 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 03:24 PM Thread Starter
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Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

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Originally Posted by Chuck71 View Post
Even if my date went schitty... I always ask the female to let me know she made it home safe.

Just a -Home safe, good night- is all I ask. Maybe I'm old school but I always want to know

she made it home safe, even if she was an arse on the date. Like Frus's b/f, he said he

would call at xxx. And he did. That can give the girl the chance to blow you off "politely."

But if she doesn't know when you will call, she may miss your call and then you think she was

blowing you off and you move on. She's there thinking -WTF I liked him and he never called me back-

Course that's from the pre-text/email days. Things have changed.

But when you nail down a date for next time.... half of your questions are already answered.
Yea, I know. I should had texted her to see if she arrived home safely. My bad. It's only a few miles from her home, but, it would had been the right thing to do. I was exhausted and hit the bed as soon as I got home. It was an hour drive home for me.

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post #56 of 111 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 03:24 PM Thread Starter
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Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

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Read up very carefully and apply it
http://r.search.yahoo.com/_ylt=A0LEV...g1glsduMFyNjg-
Yea, read that book and about 15 others prior and during my divorce.
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post #57 of 111 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 03:27 PM Thread Starter
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Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

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After my divorce (early 30s) I lived with my mom and much younger siblings while I was working and saving rent money. I bought all my own groceries and helped around the house. I lived an independent existence and was able to successfully date guys for 2 years before I could afford move into my own place. My husband found me a year later.

Don't write off a woman that age living at home. If she's not obviously a mooch, there's probably a good story behind it that you don't know.
I a not, just, I have a feeling that she's going to get tired of having to drive to my house at some point; should we get there. I had a previous experience with a woman who lived at home with her parents. Big difference is she was lazy, only part time job and late 20's with little prospects of stable future employment outside her family. She wanted me several times to sleep over her parents house in their spare bedroom, I just didn't feel comfortable. Plus, the parents were busy bodies.
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post #58 of 111 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 03:28 PM Thread Starter
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Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

I will say, she did ask about my marriage, and we discussed it for a few minutes; at her request. Hope I handled it okay. We then discussed her experiences and how they didn't pan out. Hope I didn't screw it up.
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post #59 of 111 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 03:42 PM
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Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

1. It appears she has never lived on her own

2. She isn't much of a cook (used to mom cooking for her)

3. She is a twin. Find out how close she is with her twin. If really close, then expect to have a 3rd person in your relationship.

There was a guy here who would tell his twin all about his and his wife's bedroom experiences. To him it was all okey-dokey since they were twins.
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post #60 of 111 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 07:01 PM Thread Starter
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Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

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1. It appears she has never lived on her own

2. She isn't much of a cook (used to mom cooking for her)

3. She is a twin. Find out how close she is with her twin. If really close, then expect to have a 3rd person in your relationship.

There was a guy here who would tell his twin all about his and his wife's bedroom experiences. To him it was all okey-dokey since they were twins.
1) Agreed.

2) She seems to cook, however, not 100% sure. It's a rarity these days in this area. Everyone is takeout it seems.

3) It's okay, no woman ever complained about me in that way.
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