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post #76 of 114 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 07:08 PM
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Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

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Kinda hard since she lives with her parents.
Uh... make dinner for her at your home.


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post #77 of 114 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 07:20 PM Thread Starter
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Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

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Uh... make dinner for her at your home.
If date # 2 works out, which I think it should, I plan to ask her at the end of the date if she'd like to come over the following week for dinner. She did say on the first date, she's interested in cooking with me as well as watching some movies (I was mentioning specific movies and she didn't see them). Not sure if she was being overly nice, code for something else, or actually interested.
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post #78 of 114 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 09:22 PM
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Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

Don't try to project. Just go have a good time on date #2

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post #79 of 114 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 04:17 PM
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Re: First date set. Second guessing myself a bit

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I do not see red flags yet.
Let me show you one.

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She's 33 and lives with her parents.
There. Just keep dating other women until you have the "exclusive" talk.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou

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post #80 of 114 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 06:12 PM
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Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

Just another woman's perspective on the home pickup...when I was dating, and first met my ex and then my husband, I lived alone. As a single woman living alone there was NO way I was letting a man I didn't know, know where I lived.

I wouldn't even agree to meet my now husband in person until we'd talked on the phone, lol. I was very careful.
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post #81 of 114 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 10:40 PM Thread Starter
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Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

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Don't try to project. Just go have a good time on date #2
Will try.
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post #82 of 114 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 10:40 PM Thread Starter
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Re: First date set. Second guessing myself a bit

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Let me show you one.



There. Just keep dating other women until you have the "exclusive" talk.
Agreed and I am. It's an issue, not a big issue. I have my own home.
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post #83 of 114 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 10:41 PM Thread Starter
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Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

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Just another woman's perspective on the home pickup...when I was dating, and first met my ex and then my husband, I lived alone. As a single woman living alone there was NO way I was letting a man I didn't know, know where I lived.

I wouldn't even agree to meet my now husband in person until we'd talked on the phone, lol. I was very careful.
Good point. However, we've spoken a couple of times already on the phone. Prob. just my mind jumping around for no reason.
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post #84 of 114 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 12:56 AM Thread Starter
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Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

Second date went really well. We were laughing and having a great time and that I had an attractive face. She was even suggesting other things we could do at another night. During the event she suggested we cook some time. So, at the end of the date, I suggested dinner @ my place, she happily agreed. A nice long kiss and she exited the car. Yes, I am talking to other women as well, but feel guilty. Just on the phone, as I want to see how this works out over the weekend.

Still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Hoping for the best, but prepping for the not so best I guess.
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post #85 of 114 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 06:53 AM
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Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

Don't wait for any shoes to drop. The reason you date is to have fun and maybe find someone to spend a longer amount of time with.

You will not know for awhile if this person is someone you need to invest in long term so why sweat it. Just have fun.


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post #86 of 114 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 03:10 PM Thread Starter
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Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

Interesting dilemma. We spoke for a bit on Friday, and confirmed for Saturday. Saturday, around 11am, she texted me saying she just had lunch and was throwing up and had to cancel, however, she really feels bad and would "love to reschedule". I said sure, no worries. Feel better. We'll set something up for next weekend. She said, "TY so much for understanding. BTW, Friday works too ." I followed up on Sunday, she said she's better, but still not 100%. Another thing, and I do not know if it's because we've only seen each other twice, but she doesn't just text a random hi every now and then. I usually just shoot a random text or call her during the week. Is that strange? It could be me, but I honestly do not remember how the dating world was 10 years ago. I will follow up again Friday with a text instead of a call to see if we're still on for Saturday. However, the other women I've been keeping at bay on the phone I will setup first meets in the meantime.

Again, I could be overthinking things. I am giving her the benefit of the doubt, as I know others around here who've gotten sick. However, I just think it's a bit strange for complete silence unless I contact her. I know another woman I was contacting she likes to wait a few days to return my call. I also notice most women (mid 30's) nowadays seem to prefer texting to actual calls. Is this something new as well?
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post #87 of 114 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 03:59 PM
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Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

Yes... texting is the "normal" way people communicate. I know - its stupid... I fought against it for years. When I was single, I'd go out and meet people in public, socialize, prove my worth by being in various social circles. (Women notice such things)

He is how *I* would read things... interest level is medium - unless she is holding back to not appear too desperate - so you can chase her (yeah, silly games). For most women - I didn't text much. For my wife - we texted like mad.

Why texting has its pros: After one-night-stand sex with my future wife; we texted each other about how much we liked each other. Thus I was nervous to *NOT SCREW THIS UP* and by texting, it gave me minutes to think of good responses or things to talk about. Later we would admit to each other that we were both scared to chase off each other (LOL!). We both hoped we would contact each other. I made the first move.

People get sick, etc. If she cancels 3+ more dates in a row- then stop asking. Move on... Maybe she will contact you then. (game)

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post #88 of 114 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 05:05 PM Thread Starter
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Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

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Yes... texting is the "normal" way people communicate. I know - its stupid... I fought against it for years. When I was single, I'd go out and meet people in public, socialize, prove my worth by being in various social circles. (Women notice such things)

He is how *I* would read things... interest level is medium - unless she is holding back to not appear too desperate - so you can chase her (yeah, silly games). For most women - I didn't text much. For my wife - we texted like mad.

Why texting has its pros: After one-night-stand sex with my future wife; we texted each other about how much we liked each other. Thus I was nervous to *NOT SCREW THIS UP* and by texting, it gave me minutes to think of good responses or things to talk about. Later we would admit to each other that we were both scared to chase off each other (LOL!). We both hoped we would contact each other. I made the first move.

People get sick, etc. If she cancels 3+ more dates in a row- then stop asking. Move on... Maybe she will contact you then. (game)
If she cancels again, I'm moving on. Really confusing behavior.. I mean, on both dates we had two or three multiple long kisses where we're both either holding each others head or neck/back. I think my kisses with her were longer than all of mine with my EW. One would think there would be more than medium interest. Then again, I am not sure. Still too new to really be able to read a woman's interest. One would think, with the kissing and brining up we should cook together (her not me), that was a signal of more interest. However, the lack of communication during the week puzzles me. After all, if I am doing all the running, it makes me look bad a bit. So, I am stepping back and will only check in with her at the end of the week. Puzzling to say the least.
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post #89 of 114 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 11:33 PM
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Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

Yeah.. so you don't know if its a game or if she is lost interest. Just as you are not putting all your eggs in one basket, why should she or expect her too?

On the first date with my wife (after we already got nasty) I told her that "I will not play games with you. I'll be honest with my ideas, lifestyle and how I feel about things" - as much as a person can be, who is co-dependent. So I didn't play games with her, nor much with others. I never offered more than I was willing to say.

Other than asking HER out for this weekend - don't ask anymore. If she chooses Fri, Sat, whatever - earmark it. And also do this: YOU are going out, no matter what. Did you get ideas plans on where to go? Also, I still recommend learning to be a social drinker. Since you are way past being in your teens and twenties - becoming an alcoholic is very minimal. I vowed to never ever drink - but I changed in my 30s to do so. I hung around other friends who drank to look out for me. I'd recommend a Cape Cod for starters - ask for a weak one. Beer tastes like pee-water. And if you go for the Cape Cod, DON'T EVER get the well drinks! EVER! Taste like crap. Don't buy your date a well drink either - makes you look cheap. Spring for the extra $1-2 for a good drink. Typical bars - type him a $1 per drink. Cape Cod = Vodka and Cranberry with a shot of cherry flavoring. It's easy to drink.

Why? Takes the edge off... relaxes you... can make you more OPEN to express yourself. You'll laugh at her jokes more and she will laugh at yours. (Don't get dangerously wasted)

Next : date night can be other nights of the week. Wed, Thur, Sun as well - depending on the city... makes for shorter date for some, maybe less pressure.
So, lets say your Cook-Gal agrees to Friday night at 8pm. But she cancels out on you at 5pm. If that happens, tell her "no problem - hope you get better. Let me know when you're available to go out with me. " somewhere in that text conversation - let it be KNOWN that you are STILL GOING OUT! 1- this tells her that your world doesn't center around her. 2- that things happen and you got your own life to live and won't be DOWN because your date canceled. Who knows - maybe she'll feel better at 10pm. (If she is dating someone else - maybe she'll ditch that date at 10? You may never know). From players who date women who are not likely to PUT OUT on the date (or women to men) - they will have dinner early (6~9) and hit date #2 after that - to drink, dance and sex.

So, if you are willing to try before the weekend, go to a local corner bar. Get two drinks max, nothing more. cap-cod. Maybe some other "girlie" fruity drink - let bartender know you are TRYING out drinking for the first time and learning about the various drinks. Oh, for a 2nd drink - go for a frozen margarita. Its a Slurpee with a KICK. A good size one will get your drunk.
General rules - don't MIX your drinks. ie: drink lots of vodka and rum in a single night. But if you are experimenting - 1 drink of each type to learn what they are - this can also be HANDY when you are out on a date. so you know WHAT she is drinking or if she asks you to choose and you KNOW what she is talking about.

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post #90 of 114 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 11:35 PM
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Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

PS: don't just move on and tell her "see ya!" just say "call me if you want to go out" - don't burn bridges. She might know a friend who maybe your type for all you know.

No reason to not get some practice in.

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