First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit - Talk About Marriage
General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

User Tag List

 113Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 114 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 09:21 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 370
First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

So, I was messaging this woman on the dating site and I asked for her cell so we can set a time to meet. She gave it and I called the next day after work. I was originally going to set it for during the week, but I picked Friday as she had something for work on Wednesday. I guess I screwed myself for another date on Saturday; should it work out. No? We spoke for about and hour and everything seemed to gel nicely. No pauses consistent talking and laughing. She received a call for work and had to go. She offered to talk tomorrow to setup a date, but I just decided it's best to set it up to night for Friday. I prob. should had picked Thursday. I didn't want to just talk another day before meeting. I could risk entering in the friendzone if we talk so much prior to meeting. Yes, this had happened before to me. Confused if my actions were on par.

Almost-Done is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 114 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 09:29 PM
Member
 
Vinnydee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Southern USA, but longtime NYC boy prior to our move.
Posts: 687
Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

Does not matter when the date is. She will know if she wants to date you again during the first date, so whether there is a Saturday coming up or not, it is not going to matter as far as getting a second date.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality.

Last edited by Vinnydee; 03-07-2017 at 03:45 PM.
Vinnydee is offline  
post #3 of 114 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 09:42 PM
Member
 
happy as a clam's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 5,463
Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

Don't overthink it. I agree with Vinny -- doesn't much matter what night the date is. If you're meant to spend more time together there will be a second date .

Just relax and enjoy yourself!

"Love is chemicals masquerading as choices!"
~ Sandfly
happy as a clam is offline  
 
post #4 of 114 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 09:49 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 370
Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

I feel oreett confident. The call was very positive we were both laughing. Very fluid. I know, I sould like a giddy kid. Just s bit nervous. Haven't been on a date for over a decade. I do not know what's proper prior to the date . It's four days away. Aside from confirming the night before, do I contact prior?
Almost-Done is offline  
post #5 of 114 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 11:58 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,864
Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

The night before is good enough.
You are not in the right frame of mind, though. You are worried to death whether she's going to like you. You should be worried if you're going to like HER.
Do not put yourself in a situation where you care if she doesn't want to date you again. People can inherently sense that crap, and it drives them away.

Go into the date feeling like they have to impress YOU.
After all, you can find lots of dates.
Then have a good time, and for cgoidness sake don't worry if SHE has a good time. You worry about having fun yourself. If you do, she likely will, too.
You do not need this woman to like you. You have other options. Tell yourself this.
Evinrude58 is offline  
post #6 of 114 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 02:26 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 6,304
Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

What is the date? Coffee meet? Dinner?
225985 is offline  
post #7 of 114 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 03:20 AM
Forum Supporter
 
Satya's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 2,762
Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

You are thinking and obsessing about this waaaay too much. You barely know her. If she could read this, do you think she'd see confidence or fear?

Not being hard on you, A-D, we all went through the same for those of us who found ourselves on the market again. Be very wary of investing too much too soon or you WILL be disappointed. Enjoy the ride, be confident about your choices, and your dates will see this and respond in kind (if they like you)!

I know it's a learning process, and going to be lots of trial/error. The confidence will grow the more that you date.

My thoughts: set dates when you're both available (as long as she's free Friday, it's fine, better than Saturday for a first date IMO)
, go to coffee shops at first (less pressure, more casual that way), and leave alcohol out of it until a 3rd date. You need to meet women stone cold sober (both them and you).

Good luck!!

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
Satya is online now  
post #8 of 114 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 04:51 AM
Member
 
eric1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 979
Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

Go with the purpose of having fun. That's it.

You have too much crap going on in your head.

----
eric1 is online now  
post #9 of 114 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 07:22 AM
Member
 
Rowan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Southeast
Posts: 2,681
Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

Quote:
Originally Posted by Almost-Done View Post
I do not know what's proper prior to the date . It's four days away. Aside from confirming the night before, do I contact prior?
Don't overthink this. It would be correct to maintain about the same frequency of communication you've had up to this point. If you two have been chatting every couple of days, continue that. If you've been going 3-4 days between contact, then just a call/text the night before to confirm would be fine. But if you've been chatting daily, then there's certainly no need to stop communicating for three days just because you have a date set up.

You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly upon our own point of view. - Obi Wan Kenobi
Rowan is offline  
post #10 of 114 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 01:27 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 370
Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

Quote:
Originally Posted by Evinrude58 View Post
The night before is good enough.
You are not in the right frame of mind, though. You are worried to death whether she's going to like you. You should be worried if you're going to like HER.
Do not put yourself in a situation where you care if she doesn't want to date you again. People can inherently sense that crap, and it drives them away.

Go into the date feeling like they have to impress YOU.
After all, you can find lots of dates.
Then have a good time, and for cgoidness sake don't worry if SHE has a good time. You worry about having fun yourself. If you do, she likely will, too.
You do not need this woman to like you. You have other options. Tell yourself this.
Guess I am being a bit too concerned about her and not enough about me. Conditioning from my ex-wife. I need to reboot myself. I wasn't like this prior to marriage. Yes, I know, it's hard to believe. Even me re-reading this post is a bit pathetic. Still working on getting back to my former amazing self. Marriage and divorce changes a person. It's like a war or battle..

Almost-Done is offline  
post #11 of 114 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 01:29 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 370
Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

Quote:
Originally Posted by 225985 View Post
What is the date? Coffee meet? Dinner?
Drinks and something to eat. I do not drink, but it's on the table; should she wish to drink. Her profile says once a week drink. It's after work.
Almost-Done is offline  
post #12 of 114 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 01:32 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 370
Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

Quote:
Originally Posted by Satya View Post
You are thinking and obsessing about this waaaay too much. You barely know her. If she could read this, do you think she'd see confidence or fear?

Not being hard on you, A-D, we all went through the same for those of us who found ourselves on the market again. Be very wary of investing too much too soon or you WILL be disappointed. Enjoy the ride, be confident about your choices, and your dates will see this and respond in kind (if they like you)!

I know it's a learning process, and going to be lots of trial/error. The confidence will grow the more that you date.

My thoughts: set dates when you're both available (as long as she's free Friday, it's fine, better than Saturday for a first date IMO)
, go to coffee shops at first (less pressure, more casual that way), and leave alcohol out of it until a 3rd date. You need to meet women stone cold sober (both them and you).

Good luck!!
I know. I've have convos before, and I was just amazed how free flowing and easy it was. To be honest, I could had talked for her in hours. We've even said we were on the same page on a lot of things. It was refreshing to see I didn't have to do all the talking; like with my ex-wife and others I've dated in my 20's. Though, I didn't say I was divorced yet. I did note it in my profile.

I know, by my posts, I may come off as unconfident and weak at times. IRL, not so much. I guess because I can just say want I want to say w/o being personally judged.

As you say, it's a learning process.
Almost-Done is offline  
post #13 of 114 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 01:32 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 370
Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

Quote:
Originally Posted by eric1 View Post
Go with the purpose of having fun. That's it.

You have too much crap going on in your head.
Possibly.
Almost-Done is offline  
post #14 of 114 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 01:33 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 370
Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rowan View Post
Don't overthink this. It would be correct to maintain about the same frequency of communication you've had up to this point. If you two have been chatting every couple of days, continue that. If you've been going 3-4 days between contact, then just a call/text the night before to confirm would be fine. But if you've been chatting daily, then there's certainly no need to stop communicating for three days just because you have a date set up.
Don't want to get too chummy. I've been friendzoned before due to that. That's a no go. I will follow what you've suggested and re-confirm the night before.
Almost-Done is offline  
post #15 of 114 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 01:38 PM
Member
 
jb02157's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,341
Re: First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit

This is just a first date, don't over-complicate it. You don't even know you even like her yet and you're already thinking about a second date?? Chill out and just focus on having a good time with her.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
jb02157 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Let the burden lie with its proponents tech-novelist Politics and Religion 24 02-11-2017 11:00 PM
Crossroads II: The Way Chuck71 Life After Divorce 513 05-17-2016 03:53 PM
what boundaries to set and the consequences of failing bremik Coping with Infidelity 75 02-14-2016 04:31 PM
Wife Denies Marriage problems even after caught sexting- bit of clarity? CHGUY Coping with Infidelity 30 02-02-2016 11:45 AM
Husband doesn't hustle, doesn't set financial goals macey8 Financial Problems in Marriage 3 12-17-2015 01:42 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome