Help with broken marriage - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

User Tag List

 9Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #16 of 36 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 01:53 PM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 32,884
Re: Help with broken marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by iwantmoore View Post
A few weeks after our baby was born. I have suspected she may be suffering with ppd but I can't have a simple conversation with her, so no way I can talk to her about her mental state.
How old is your baby?

Does she have extended family and friends? Have any of them noticed her acting out?

EleGirl is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #17 of 36 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 01:57 PM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 32,884
Re: Help with broken marriage

OK, I asked you why you cannot sleep in the same bed with her?

Quote:
Originally Posted by iwantmoore View Post
I can't sleep in the same bed because she sits there, ignores me and accuses me of being controlling when I want us to spend time together like we used to.
Does 'spend time together' = sex?

Quote:
Originally Posted by iwantmoore View Post
If we have a conversation, she finds a reason to cut me off.
I you are trying to sleep, why would you be having a conversation with her?

Quote:
Originally Posted by iwantmoore View Post
She won't look at me or give me her undivided attention.
Why do you need for her to look at you and give you undivided attention when you are trying to sleep?

Quote:
Originally Posted by iwantmoore View Post
She rolls over and goes to sleep. I can't sleep so eventually Ieave so I can.
Why can't you go to sleep when she's rolled over and gone to sleep?
EleGirl is online now  
post #18 of 36 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 01:59 PM
Member
 
Steve1000's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: The Big O / S-Hai
Posts: 1,025
Re: Help with broken marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by MovingFrwrd View Post
Are you a christian couple? If so, I highly recommend Andy Stanley's marriage series. I believe you can find them on youtube, one of them is titled iMarriage (3 part series) and another is called Staying in Love. Heck, even if you're not a christian, the theories that he discusses are applicable to marriage. My wife and I have watched both of these, and they were both very good. His delivery is very fast, but he does a great job of making his points and even bringing some humor into his presentation.

It would be a good thing to do together as a couple.
I watched a few minutes. I think that the Andy Stanley marriage series might be more for couples who are both amenable to making an already good marriage better.
Steve1000 is offline  
 
post #19 of 36 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 02:06 PM
Member
 
MovingFrwrd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 231
Re: Help with broken marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by DepressedHusband View Post
Don't bother with all that christian bull****, read the man up thread.
Could you provide the link to the man up thread to help him out?
MovingFrwrd is offline  
post #20 of 36 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 02:11 PM
Member
 
MovingFrwrd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 231
Re: Help with broken marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve1000 View Post
I watched a few minutes. I think that the Andy Stanley marriage series might be more for couples who are both amenable to making an already good marriage better.
True - it's not the best for a marriage in crisis, and it requires both spouses to be working for the betterment of the marriage. A qualified marriage counselor would probably be a better option.

I there are a lot of ideas within the video series that shows ways to make a marriage work. If both spouses commit to each other and improving their marriage.
MovingFrwrd is offline  
post #21 of 36 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 02:16 PM
Moderator
 
lifeistooshort's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,508
Re: Help with broken marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
OK, I asked you why you cannot sleep in the same bed with her?



Does 'spend time together' = sex?



I you are trying to sleep, why would you be having a conversation with her?



Why do you need for her to look at you and give you undivided attention when you are trying to sleep?



Why can't you go to sleep when she's rolled over and gone to sleep?

All excellent questions that would be very helpful of have answered.
lifeistooshort is online now  
post #22 of 36 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 02:48 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 25
Re: Help with broken marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
OK, I asked you why you cannot sleep in the same bed with her?







Does 'spend time together' = sex?







I you are trying to sleep, why would you be having a conversation with her?







Why do you need for her to look at you and give you undivided attention when you are trying to sleep?







Why can't you go to sleep when she's rolled over and gone to sleep?

I can't sleep because I am neglected in every way, emotionally and physically on a daily basis.

Our bedroom is where we spend evening after the kids go to bed. So that's where we used to have conversations, hang out, watch tv etc. She used to turn her body towards me and make eye contact and be physically close. Now she's turned away, won't look at me and as far as she can manage to be separated in bed. Our bedroom and bed used to be the best seat in the house. Now it's a cold, heartless place I can't handle to be in. If I stay I won't sleep more than an hour or 2 a night. And we don't have sex. That was never a problem before. And yes, as a man with a healthy sex drive, I need physical touch as well as sex.




Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
iwantmoore is offline  
post #23 of 36 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 03:53 PM
Member
 
Chuck71's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Where I lay my head
Posts: 6,683
Re: Help with broken marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by iwantmoore View Post
I agree. It goes against my feelings to open up and try but I do. She accuses me of throwing her under the bus and attacking her in therapy because I don't confront her every time. I don't talk to her about it outside therapy because our fights are horrible and unproductive. I'm frustrated for her saying she wants things to be better, denying in one breath she's doing anything wrong. And the next telling me she doesn't want to open up to me. Like I do either but I do anyways because I know it's what we need to do.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Again..... what were you and her childhood's like?

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
Chuck71 is offline  
post #24 of 36 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 04:26 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 25
Re: Help with broken marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chuck71 View Post
Again..... what were you and her childhood's like?


Both of had parents divorce. She when she was little. Mine as a teenager. We've both been divorced as well and have children from previous marriages. Our blended family is about as perfect as you can get. I treat her child as if she were my own and my daughter is grown.

Her mom and mine remarried.

I had good examples of family life so I know how things should be. I don't think she did at all.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
iwantmoore is offline  
post #25 of 36 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 08:53 PM
Member
 
Chuck71's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Where I lay my head
Posts: 6,683
Re: Help with broken marriage

How did her 1st divorce unfold? Any similarities to how this one is going? How did your 1st divorce

go? Was it amicable or were there bitterness? Do you think the two of you may be caught in a cycle

of "disposable marriages?" This ain't fun no more, let's D and marry someone else.

Do you both work? Who does the household chores? Who does the outside upkeep

(mowing, trimming, planting flowers)? Do you and her get out WITHOUT the kids at least

once a week or take a mini weekend trip maybe once every 4-6 weeks?

Somewhere along the line she decided you are not meeting one or more of her needs.

Somewhere along the line you decided she is not meeting one or more of your needs.

You don't know this unless you communicate. This is critical. Who so?

Exactly what killed my 15 year M...... and it was BOTH our faults. I was just as guilty as she was.

If you can't sit down and talk without "shutting down," you need a MC, an experienced MC.

I might add, a MC that is pro-marriage. Some MCs are actually pro-divorce.... yeah, only in America!


A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
Chuck71 is offline  
post #26 of 36 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 09:36 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 25
Re: Help with broken marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chuck71 View Post
How did her 1st divorce unfold? Any similarities to how this one is going? How did your 1st divorce

go? Was it amicable or were there bitterness? Do you think the two of you may be caught in a cycle

of "disposable marriages?" This ain't fun no more, let's D and marry someone else.

Do you both work? Who does the household chores? Who does the outside upkeep

(mowing, trimming, planting flowers)? Do you and her get out WITHOUT the kids at least

once a week or take a mini weekend trip maybe once every 4-6 weeks?

Somewhere along the line she decided you are not meeting one or more of her needs.

Somewhere along the line you decided she is not meeting one or more of your needs.

You don't know this unless you communicate. This is critical. Who so?

Exactly what killed my 15 year M...... and it was BOTH our faults. I was just as guilty as she was.

If you can't sit down and talk without "shutting down," you need a MC, an experienced MC.

I might add, a MC that is pro-marriage. Some MCs are actually pro-divorce.... yeah, only in America!


I kind of answered all of these minus the divorce reasons. My ex didn't want children and she was mentally unstable. Her ex was dishonest, cheated on her and was always trying to get back with his ex which he did once they broke up.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
iwantmoore is offline  
post #27 of 36 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 02:21 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 25
Re: Help with broken marriage

Apparently I'm not going to get some good ideas how I can improve the situation


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
iwantmoore is offline  
post #28 of 36 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 02:30 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Mars - arent all men?
Posts: 526
Re: Help with broken marriage

You have gotten good ideas. Your just not listening.

Did you read anything suggested? You sound like a clingy needy MESS. Do you think that is attractive?

Go read Married Man Sex Life Primer and start MAP'n.
Grapes is offline  
post #29 of 36 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 03:17 PM
Member
 
Chuck71's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Where I lay my head
Posts: 6,683
Re: Help with broken marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by iwantmoore View Post
Apparently I'm not going to get some good ideas how I can improve the situation


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Okay.... you'sa gots this covered!

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
Chuck71 is offline  
post #30 of 36 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 05:58 PM
Member
 
lucy999's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Brownbackistan
Posts: 1,916
Re: Help with broken marriage

You need to garner the strength to talk to her about possible PPD. I think first and foremost, you need to address that.
lucy999 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
How Might Your Marriage be Affecting Your Health? VS Glen Home Page Feature News 2 08-07-2016 07:10 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome