Help with broken marriage
My wife and I have been married a little under 2 years. We've had our ups and downs like any relationship. And we had past relationships that definitely brought baggage into our relationship. Neither one of us had a good model for a marriage, although I do know what a good marriage should look like.
After the birth of our child, stresses from our change as well as increased stresses at both of our jobs began to unravel our relationship. She withdrew from me, which hurt me deeply. When she would talk to me, it was usually cold, rude, angry or critical. She stopped taking care of me or being good to me. Because of the rejections, I began to shut down. I ended up on medication because I couldn't sleep and had a lot of anxiety and depression creeping in.
We've been seeing a counselor for a few months. In therapy, she is sweet and tells me that she's not doing anything to reject me and that I'm thinking the worst of her. When we are home, she finds any reason to not spend time together. I try to do what our therapist tells us to try. She doesn't.
She tells me she doesn't feel comfortable around me because I won't connect with her the way she needs. When I try to do exactly that, she pushes me away. When things appear to be getting better, she withdraws and ruins any chance of progress. I get hurt and frustrated by the constant rollercoaster and drama that I'm having to deal with.
I can't share a bed with her because I won't be able to relax or sleep even taking medication. So I'm forced to sleep elsewhere for my health and sanity. She puts all of our problems on me and refuses to take any responsibility for not responding to me doing what she asks.
I'm at a total loss in how to talk to her. I feel like she's not capable of having a rational an cooperative discussion. She says she reaches out to me but she doesn't. She justifies everything she does and I'm left holding the bag.
I try to do right by her and not retaliate. I do my best to be loving and take care of her in spite of her absolutely clinical and horrible treatment. I don't want to divorce and I still love her. I have no idea how to make things better when nothing I do is getting a positive response.
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