Cheating Girlfriend but I pushed her... - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 24 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 07:11 AM Thread Starter
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Cheating Girlfriend but I pushed her...

I am 43y male and met a beautiful, clever, wonderful 32y 2 years ago that 'got me' in a way no other woman had ever managed before. We shared magical times & both helped each other through similar difficult divorces.. I have a 5 year old daughter and went through a long and arduous legal process at huge emotional and financial cost.

The problems started when I wasn't prepared to compromise my time with my little girl over my girlfriend. I matched our weekends with her children and it worked wonderfully but continual fighting, comparisons of affection, showing too much 'clinginess' to my daughter & fall outs resulted in swapping back the weekends. Don't get me wrong this girl meant the World to me but it seemed unnatural to not devote myself to being the best Dad I could be.. A result of this meant I continually pushed her away and months of falling out and getting back together. It scared me and I never gave her any indication of a future despite her concerns. (Home/marriage/kids!)

Three months ago when we were going through an on/off difficult period I found out she had been hooking up with an old boy friend & although I don't know what happened I am pretty sure they slept together. (She told me she did but then admitted she was just telling me what I wanted to hear & then denied it!) We broke up for good but I just cannot get this girl out of my head and have returned looking for validation and to try and repair what we had but have simply resulted in hurting myself more... I know she is desperate to be loved and text's/calls me all the time telling me such and I so want to make it work because I fear I will never find that connection again or find a woman that made me tick like her..

I was always faithful to her despite her continual concerns that I was being unfaithful and after reading up about stuff realize she was very codependent insisting on being by her side all the time, keeping in touch via text and calls & frowning on any female interaction from my part.

Here's the best bit....& she told me this! She was straight on Tinder and hooked up with a guy within 5 days and told me filthy intimate things that they did together. She called me last weekend to say she was going for a day out with him but didn't want to & she wanted me. Being a sucker and not wanting anyone else to have her I spent 3 days with her in a vain attempt to try and resolve everything (again!) & again due to me requesting she showed me dozens of intimate messages (some ****ty!) shared with her and different men on Facebook & SnapChat. She said she has slept with 1 man since our split but I suspect 2-3! She also told me she had a sexual experience with one of her girl friends months ago & physically attacked me when she thought I wanted to get back with my ex-wife (I didn't I just wanted to get on so that I could see more of my baby)

I know she's doing this to make me feel jealous and simply moving on with her life but I have completely lost my compass & sanity over this. She has more male friends than female, has a colorful sexual past but has said to me if I can make that commitment she will agree to move away. close all her social media down and start a new fresh life with our girls.

I know what the correct answer is here & feel a little embarrassed even posting this but it kind of helps tapping away on these keys getting it all out. I have been ill the last three months since we split, lost weight, been unable to concentrate on my career or family despite looking after myself and doing all the right things.

I know you might think seems like a joke but I still keep getting these nagging doubts that I'm losing the best thing that ever happened to me if i show her what she wants-commitment!

Feel a bit of a laughing stock even reading over what I have written but here goes...

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post #2 of 24 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 07:20 AM
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Re: Cheating Girlfriend but I pushed her...

My ex bf pulled the same tricks. Use to make me jealous because he thought I was cheating and playing head games.

Eventually we worked it all out and moved in together and for an entire 9 days things were great...until he kicked the crap out of me.

It has been 8 months and I still love him and miss him and feel sick that we are not together, but I know that it is the right thing and that eventually my feelings will fade and I will find happiness elsewhere.

Your emotions are valid, but she made her own choices.

Stay away. Sounds like a bad situation.


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post #3 of 24 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 07:24 AM
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Re: Cheating Girlfriend but I pushed her...

Look you are doing the right thing by putting your child first. This is the time to build your relationship with your daughter and take care of yourself. There will be other relationships and other women.

This one seem to be too needy and demanding. Any woman who does not understand that your child comes first has issues. Then, she went on to "make you jealous" is immature and says a lot of who she is.

Move on. Keep dating. There are better days ahead.
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post #4 of 24 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 07:31 AM
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Re: Cheating Girlfriend but I pushed her...

She sounds like she's going to be a lot of trouble for whatever unfortunate men she ends up with. I think you should move on, find someone mature and grounded, and live happily ever after with that person.
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post #5 of 24 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 07:35 AM
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Re: Cheating Girlfriend but I pushed her...

Two things:

She is not a good prospect right now.....requires way too much male attention. And she clearly needs more attention then you cangive her at this point in her life.

It's not clear to me what you mean by being clingy with your daughter or being the best father you can be, but spending time with your kids is always good. What was her issue with this? Was she unwelcome when you had your daughter? How old is your daughter?

You have no business dating seriously unless you can balance being a father with dating. Few women will be happy with scraps of your time. Maybe you do balance and your gf was too demanding, it's just something to keep in mind.

And if you're planning a future you've got to incorporate your gf and daughter into a family unit. How's it going to work if you ignore your wife every weekend you have your daughter?

Had they even met?
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post #6 of 24 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 07:39 AM
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Re: Cheating Girlfriend but I pushed her...

Nope.

Be done with her.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #7 of 24 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 08:00 AM
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Re: Cheating Girlfriend but I pushed her...

She sounds selfish. How mch affection / attention / clinginess does she show her own children?

Once you daughter figures out that you put the needs of some tail ahead of her needs as child, she will never forgive you.

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The problems started when I wasn't prepared to compromise my time with my little girl over my girlfriend. I matched our weekends with her children and it worked wonderfully but continual fighting, comparisons of affection, showing too much 'clinginess' to my daughter & fall outs resulted in swapping back the weekends.
This makes me think that this woman doesn't really care about you anyway.
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post #8 of 24 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 08:03 AM
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Re: Cheating Girlfriend but I pushed her...

I cant believe you are even contemplating having her back. She sounds like a car wreck.
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post #9 of 24 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 08:07 AM
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Re: Cheating Girlfriend but I pushed her...

What were the circumstances that caused the both of you to divorce?
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post #10 of 24 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 11:13 AM
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Re: Cheating Girlfriend but I pushed her...

""met a beautiful, clever, wonderful 32y 2 years ago that 'got me' in a way no other woman had ever managed before. We shared magical times""

So once you got past the lust stage it turns out she isn't so great, **** happens. Don't keep kidding yourself, she is a train wreck and will dramatize your life, use your logic.

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post #11 of 24 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 11:24 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Cheating Girlfriend but I pushed her...

It's not clear to me what you mean by being clingy with your daughter or being the best father you can be, but spending time with your kids is always good. What was her issue with this? Was she unwelcome when you had your daughter? How old is your daughter?

MY DAUGHTER IS 5. I JUST SHOWED HER LOVE, PLENTY OF HUGS AND ATTENTION BUT WAS CONSCIOUS TO SHARE MY AFFECTION AND TIME WITH HER GIRLS AND THE EX WHILST ALL TOGETHER. SHE WAS GREAT WITH MY DAUGHTER BUT ALWAYS FELT A DIVIDE, JEALOUSY AND ILL FEELING,

And if you're planning a future you've got to incorporate your gf and daughter into a family unit. How's it going to work if you ignore your wife every weekend you have your daughter?

WHEN OUR WEEKENDS MATCHED SHE ABSOLUTELY INSISTED THAT AS SOON AS I GOT MY DAUGHTER THAT WE SPEND ALL OUR TIME TOGETHER. (IN HER WORDS A FAMILY LIFE) VERY OCCASIONALLY I WOULD WANT AN HOUR TO MYSELF WITH HER HAVING NOT SEEN HER FOR TWO WEEKS AND DIDNT SEE THIS AS BEING UNREASONABLE?! ALWAYS WANTED TO TRY AND MAKE TIME SO THAT MY DAUGHTER COULD SEE HER GRANDMA AND COUSINS ETC BUT HER HEAD FELL OFF ALL THE TIME WANTING THE FAMILY UNITY SHE CRAVED.

Had they even met? YES AND SHE WAS GOOD WITH HER. JUST WANTED US ALL TOGETHER ALL THE TIME & FELT LIKE I WAS WALKING ON EGG SHELLS TRYING TO JUSTIFY A BIT OF DADDY/DAUGHTER TIME OUTSIDE OF THAT.
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post #12 of 24 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 11:53 AM
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Re: Cheating Girlfriend but I pushed her...

This woman is cheating and jealous of your daughter, what kind of woman is jealous of a 5 year old? An unstable woman perhaps.

You should get some therapy to heal but also to fix your partner picker.

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post #13 of 24 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 12:08 PM
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Re: Cheating Girlfriend but I pushed her...

Is she a complete knockout? Because that's my take. I really don't see what else could be drawing you to her like this, given how you've described her.

Externally motivated people can wreck havoc on a relationship. By that, I mean people who are so focused on how they look, act, what they wear, drive, etc.

I realize this describes 80% of people to some degree, but it's important to note also that a huge majority of couples experience marital tension related to money, cars, houses, toys, etc. To me it's the same problem. That type of person can have a hard time reconciling their reality (job, income, prospects) with their desires and insecurities.

I see these qualities in spades with this woman. OMG she is going out of her way to pull you into her madness.

If she could get a personality change perhaps she'd be a catch


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post #14 of 24 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 01:06 PM
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Re: Cheating Girlfriend but I pushed her...

While out hunting, you ventured upon a Dragon by Day....a "Knock your sock-puppet off " maiden by night. She is so sweet, by night, that she could knock the odorous scent off a twenty pound Polecat....with one look!

She can switch the day embodiment to night and vice versa. But, to do so is painful for her. It takes great concentration.

She has a severely restrictive diet. She can only eat men. By day, she barbecues them and eats them whole...the tender penis first.

By night, she nibbles on them for hours at a time. The penis is revered..it is never consumed.

Because of her pre-****-ament, she cannot be alone. She will starve. She must have men {lined up} and present for consumption.

She knows.....knows ever so well, that men can be elusive, can be disobedient to her needs.

She is two thousand years old. She knows all the tricks to lure you to her hairy lair.

The Sirens were her Distant Sisters and she their tutor.

God, was she good in bed....the Devil is her Master. You were conscripted, so far you were spared consumption.

Watch for the flames, watch for her teeth. The sharp incisors in her noggin and the soft mold-hers at the back of her tight cave below...that she grips your manhood with.

This women is for fun. Always, wear a fire-proof Zoot Suit when you with her and when you are in the cave above. A burn resistant condom too.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #15 of 24 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 01:56 PM
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Re: Cheating Girlfriend but I pushed her...

Dude - Shes 32 going on 16 = See Ya!

Sounds like your priorities were correct from the get go. Do you think the love of your life would be so immature as to not understand you want some time alone with your daughter? Would the life of your life go out and bang a few dudes because you weren't giving her enough attention?

Child first always. And if someone has a problem with that and arent willing to compromise then they are not worth being in your family unit.

That puntang must be delic!

Last edited by Grapes; 03-02-2017 at 03:16 PM.
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