I do appreciate the thoughtful posts. Writing is therapeutic for me. I have been married before and I guess I am determined to make this one work. I have thought about leaving a lot lately, but I feel somewhat responsible for my husband.
I think that he has such a huge problem with interpersonal conflict with me (a wife) because he thinks it's too hard. He comes from a background of construction where you deal with your problems by yelling at people. And chatting/talking is not condoned on a jobsite because it is a safety issue. So he has never dealt much with interpersonal conflict other than yelling at his crew when they are careless.
His family was very closed off emotionally. When we first started seeing each other it was all very new and I was very different from most women he knew because I was into sports and action movies, and I made him laugh. I'm still the same person but in a relationship you go through ups and downs. I don't think he knows how to deal with those so he shuts down.
I think that is only half of the problem. The other half is that he has his dream property and you to pay the bills. So he has no incentive to get out and work for a living.
There is another book that might help you. But read it AFTER you read the co-dependent book: "Divorce Busting".
This is all about you focusing on yourself and taking the focus off of him.
Now about him not working (yea I know.. focusing on him for a minute here, but only so that you can encourage him to get back to work so you can focus on yourself.)
You are right that there are a lot of things that he can do based on his skill get. And he does not have to do heavy labor.
The home inspection idea is a very good one. Have you (or he) looked on line about how to set up a business doing this? There is a lot of info out there. What's good about the home inspection idea is that there is no heavy labor involved. He schedule appointments so that he also has time for to work on the land and the house. Plus, if he makes enough money at it, he could hire some help for the heavy labor on your property.
Gardening is probably a very good hobby for him. If he is struggling with it, look into the master gardener program where you live. They typically give a lot of free classes to teach people about gardening. He can get help that way. Plus it might get him out interacting with people.