Originally Posted by She'sStillGotIt View Post
That's pretty much a description of most men, sadly. They seem to think being born with male genitalia somehow precludes them from having to do much of anything once their lazy asses are home from work and planted on the couch at home.
Women are expected to be Super Woman and carry the overwhelming burden of all the domestic chores, the clear majority of the child-rearing AND many are also expected to work full time outside the home while doing it. Someone has to do it all while these lazy asses lay on the couch all night watching reruns of Bay Watch or playing their ignorant video games. Some of them think messing up the kitchen one night and using all the ingredients that YOU went out and shopped for and making some 'specialty' dinner of theirs - that YOU get to clean up after - somehow makes up for their extreme lack of motivation for the other 99% of the time.
It does not.
Yet, some of these replies indicate you should be praising him up and down and jumping all over the kitchen and praising him to the heavens to make sure HIS efforts are recognized so that HE feels like he's accomplished something and that you're oh, so grateful to be cleaning up his mess after he's managed to throw some chicken and pasta on a plate. Gee, that ALMOST makes up for you doing 98% of everything else all the rest of the time, doesn't it?
Be still my beating heart.
This is exactly why I laugh my ass off every time I hear some fool man whine and cry about how marriage is a big trap for HIM and he should avoid it all costs because it only benefits the woman. What a complete joke.
Add on the fact that he's a complete emotional cripple and brings nothing to the table in the way of love, respect, and support, and that pretty much leaves you with a whole lot of nothing. I'd kick his ass FOR you if I could.
Wow your view of men sounds really bitter, angry and frankly extremely wrong. Not all men are lazy and expect their wife's to do all the work, as it would not be fair to generalize and say that all woman are lazy ad expect their men to do everything.
My husband is not lazy. He does not come home from work and sit on the couch. He does 50% of the housework, cooking and childrearing and I don't ask, nag or manipulate him to do so. I do however express my appreciation for what he does with words and phycial touch, just as he expresses his appreciation for what i do with words and physical touch. It's called being nice and considerate.
I think what Mr nail was trying to suggest to you is to give your husband what you want to get out of the marriage. If you want words of encouragement, give them. If you want romance, give him romance. If he does make an effort to do something no matter how little, please let him know how much it meant to you. Make him feel good about himself. I for one would not want to be married to someone who makes me feel bad about myself.
Healthy men wants to please their wifes, they will do just about anything to please them, but if they constantly get negative feedback, nagging about how it's not done right, fast enough , good enough, then they will stop trying. You are not going to try to please your wife if all you do is get "kicked" in return.
Men are also pretty clueless when it comes to emotions and you need to be direct with what you want. They do not like to play games. If you feel you are doing too much around the house, stop doing it all and tell him nicely, i need you to take over these chores.
You may feel like your husband does not do thing to encourage you or appreciate you as you are looking for things you would think show these emotions, but you need to look for things men think would show these emotions. Of course once a husband reaches the point of giving up, all these things will stop as they feel it's pointless to try.
I know it seems unfair that you need to make the first move, but frankly woman have a lot of power in a relationship. If he's not depressed or a damages man he will change as you change , but it takes time and it doesn't happen over night. If being a little nicer and "rewarding" your husband for a "job" well done makes him feel better about himself, he will be a better version of himself. It's not going to hurt you to say thank you more, or i appreciate that, or you are so good with your hands, look at this wonderful house you build us...etc
If you truly believe your husband is depressed, please encourage him to seek treatment.
It's hard to give feedback on situations where we do not know they other persons thoughts or feeling. My own personally experience was when i started treating my husband better, rewarding him and showing my gratitude for what he does for our family and letting him be a man and not have to make excuses for it, he changed dramatically. He went from the most unromantic man who barely said i love you, to leaving me love notes in the morning, running me baths with flowers all around the bathroom, planning picnics, leaving flowers in my car to find after work, giving me compliments...etc
I hope you can turn your marriage around. You deserve all the things you want, and if your husband is not damaged, you can and will get them from him. All the best.