This is my first post here, and I hope the post isn't too "all over the place". I'm feeling pretty low today. My husband and I have been married for 13 years, and were together for about 5 years before we married. Both of us have been married before.
I'm probably not the first woman to say this, but my husband treats me like a roommate. I've been turning a blind eye for a long time and trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and see his good qualities. But frankly, I'm getting tired. The end result of all of this is that I feel worthless. I don't ask him for anything, and as a result I get nothing. I wonder how we got to this point. I thought that being a fairly self sufficient woman would be an attractive quality to a man, but I guess I was wrong.
I'm not a particularly romantic person, but my husband does nothing to make me feel like I am important to him. I honestly can't think of anything he does for me. I don't think that he is doing things and I am missing them. I am the major breadwinner. I have an "almost" full time job (home based business) that I started 14 years ago. I also worked at a large company for 15 years and got laid off last year, so now I am trying to start a new self-employment business venture. My husband does not offer any help or encouragement. He used to help with the home business but he doesn't have very good office/computer skills or communication skills so I ended up doing all of the work. Now he won't help at all. He claims that he won't help because I have to do everything my way. I understand that to a degree. But my husbands background does not lend itself to the home based business and mine does. So it all comes easily to me. All I want is some help, but he says he doesn't want to "help". I think he finds it demeaning to help a woman. I'm not sure, but I suspect that's the case.
I work all the time, do the taxes, take care of our dogs, pay all the bills, clean the house, etc. I take care of "us", him and me. My husband does cook, but he does that because he likes to cook and eat. Plus, I agree to clean the kitchen. He never remembers anything. He has a horrible memory and his way of keeping up with anything is to ask me ........like I'm a walking encyclopedia/calendar/datebook. He doesn't say he appreciates anything I do or show appreciation in any way.
My husband never says anything complimentary to me, although he used to. I frequently tell him that he is a very good looking man (because he is) and tease him that so many women find him "hot". I'm in my 50's and active, so I'm in good physical condition. My husband is 10 years older than me so I understand that he is tired at times. He has some health issues (nothing debilitating) and I am always trying to help him deal with those. He, on the other hand, pretty much ignores any health problems I have.
I'm having a hard time dealing with this. I've held it together for a long time and now I feel like I'm going to blow. My husband has agreed to talk to a therapist (finally), but I don't really know that it will help. I don't see him changing at his age.