Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What? - Page 10 - Talk About Marriage
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post #136 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 04:40 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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Originally Posted by badsanta View Post
I am admittedly NO EXPERT on trauma, but from what I have read most people tend to withdraw sexually. So if you two have been enjoying a very active and fulfilling sex life, it would seem as though your partner grew from those experiences as opposed to shutting himself down. However if he was only 13 and his partners were in their 40's or 50's, then you are very correct to label it as trauma b/c it would be defined legally as "statutory rape" in many cases and his partner should be a registered sex offender.

I am however just trying to point out that regardless of what happened that your partner is somehow managing to have an active and fulfilling sex life with you which based on your description seems as though the relationship with you is a healthy one for him.



Just do NOT be in a hurry to get married until you get everything sorted out! Take your time, perhaps even go to some marriage counseling together as a preemptive way to help make going into your planned marriage even stronger. Obviously bisexuality will create a unique dynamic in a monogamous relationship over the long term, and you two really should talk about that very openly with a third party that is trained to help couples with things of this very nature. This way you two can get married with confidence and make it more meaningful. Or you may determine that you need a little extra time to help each other sort some things out with one another.

There very well may be some aspects of your personality that would attract you to someone of this nature that you may not fully understand, and your desires for a threesome to watch him be with another man may actually be more traumatic for your partner than you are fully aware. Or perhaps it is not. But I would not get married until you feel confident about everything. Obviously the fact you are here asking for help is a red flag all on its own!

Take your time. There is no hurry. You two will have your whole lives to get to know one another now that you are each working towards getting married. If you do get married, make sure it means something that you can both really be proud to share!

Regards,
Badsanta
His excuse is wlhe went online to look for them and lied about his age even going to great lengths of showing fake identification. To me that doesn't change that it could have a traumatic effect on him since he was only 13 when he started doing this. That it seems from what I looked up he had all three of the major symptoms of like denial of other stuff. It seems he has a lot in common with other male survivors IMO. I don't think it matters if his partners knew or if they were pedophiles or not considering they may not have known I'm not with any of them. I'm with him. So i mean I guess I don't like the idea of him suppressing his past events/experiences. So far things are good but what if something comes up. Ive been reading how people bury sexual abuse and the like it always comes back to haunt them. And its an unhealthy practice as it is. And so I don't want that for him in the least.

We're still engaged the date hasn't changed but if it needs it will. I got to have a conversation with him tonight.

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post #137 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 04:43 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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So he lied to you and only admitted this after you found out. It's highly likely that there is a lot more that he is not telling you. He's already proven that although you are the his biggest and most loyal champion, he will lie to you. You are willing to accept anything he tells you and not hold it against him, but he's lying.

I have no doubt that over time more and more will be coming out. This is probably the tip of the iceberg.
Well the thing is it seems its something hes suppressing and trying to hide from himself
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post #138 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 04:45 PM
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

Is he a person who seeks a lot of attention?
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post #139 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 09:19 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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Is he a person who seeks a lot of attention?
No not at all.
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post #140 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 02:09 AM
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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Well the thing is it seems its something hes suppressing and trying to hide from himself
I think this is a very typical scenario. He's young and unsure of who he is and how to deal with it. There will most likely come a time when he comes to terms with all this. That usually happens about age 30 for a guy.
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