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post #46 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 09:58 AM
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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Oral sex is calls "oral sex" because it is SEX. If it's penis in mouth, it's a form of intercourse. More importantly, STDs can be contracted via oral sex.



Yes, I get it, your fiancé was an affair partner to a married man. Your fiancé helped to destroy a marriage and the family life of some children. I get that.



The affair is far more vengeful than the ex outing them.



You are right that being bi-sexual does not mean that someone has an STD. However, the more sexual partners a person has had, the more likely that they have at least one STD. When a person has sex with someone, they are also exposed to any STDs passed on by all that person's previous sexual partners. A person can have sex once and get an STD.

I would be interesting to talk to you in about 5-10 years.
@EleGirl,

This is a compliment.

You remind me of my city librarian that I went to many years ago when pursing my degree. She knew where the books where, she knew where the magazines and articles where.

And if I would let her, she would and could write my papers for me. She was on top of everything.

Conanhub and others are right in that her fiances sexual proclivities are no one else's business, but to her and him.

But, OP laid the facts and circumstances at our feet. All the information.

Sorry, but it our duty to be forthright and helpful. Many of us have lived full lives and have seen what lifestyles can reap.

This relationship that OP has may work out just fine. The odds say otherwise. If she wants to gamble, then fine.

We will give her tips and hints and things to look for. So far, she is hearing us. Not agreeing. That is OK, too. We did our job. We informed her of the risks.

She was warned.

I hope the best for Her and her Man.


This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #47 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 10:10 AM
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Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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Add to this being careless enough to become pregnant with him and there is a hell of a storm on the horizon. What a shame. An innocent life is put in the middle, again.


You don't know she was careless. It could have been planned.

There are millions of straight people who cheat and have babies.

OP,

Your family knows he is gay. You said he acts the stereotypical way.

My best bud is gay. You cannot tell unless he tells you. If you meet his long time partner you can tell that guy is gay within 10 seconds.

What do you hope to accomplish by telling the family ?

Actually bi may work to your advantage because your family will think you have or will convert him.

What they need to know, and you too, is if your fiance will remain monogamous.

I have a bi friend. She had a boyfriend. But she also went out on dates with girls. Non monogamous. She does not call it cheating because it only one guy and one girl at a time.
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post #48 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 10:13 AM
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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That seems fine to me. I was worried that he generally preferred men and might be "settling" for other reasons. That can end badly regardless of orientations. As long as he is very attracted to you, that is great.

I really don't know why some other posters seem concerned. It seems he's been open with you about his feelings and his actions and YOU are OK with that. That is what matters.
Yes, he prefers sex with men. Her fiancee said that.

He may switch teams some years down the road. He may stray. Have an affair. With a gay man.

And he will expose her to STD's. That is the risk. A big risk. Plus, then he will be a cheater.

Sexuality cannot be suppressed. Unless you castrate the male or ......? the female.

Why is this so hard to swallow....yuk.

People can be so hard headed and naive.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #49 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 10:18 AM
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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We shall see. Don't know about text book ignorance - can only go by what i have seen. You are just about turning legal to drink in the USA. And you quote text book ignorance to me. As for terminology call it what you will. Lesbos is still a lovely island in the Greek islands. Gay is a fantastic word meaning happiness. Bisexual is the only really descriptive word as would hetero and homo sexual be. If a man prefers men to women he is a homosexual. Same for a woman who prefers women. If a man only sleeps with women then he is heterosexual. Same for a woman who only sleeps with men. Now here is where the statistics come in. If a woman is capable of sleeping and enjoying a healthy relationship long term with both women and men then she is truly bisexual. Haven't seen too many cases of that - they either go back to being hetero or stay homo - however there are some success stories there. When it comes to a man in that scenario - I haven't seen ANY success stories. Hence the warning which you can choose to ignore in your youthful certainty that you are right.
I have. I have seen cases on both sides. One, I dated many years ago, and he is now in a monogamous relationship with a man. Another is a man who had been with other men and he is in a monogamous marriage (over 20 years) to a woman. Now, that isn't to say this will definitely happen with OP, but just to point out that it DOES happen.

Ok, OP, first, your question is whether he should cone clean to your family. The only question about this should be WHY should he even HAVE to? YOU know his history, YOU have accepted it. YOU have weighed the risks vs benefits and have made the decision yourself. If your family voices concerns, more power to him. But as long as you are walking into this with your eyes open, that is all that matters. Do you intend to inform them of your every orgasm? This is in the same category. Your sex life is yours. They don't need to know it. And his sex life is his. Again, no need to tell the world.

Honestly, the only thing that should be an issue is that he was involved with someone who was married. I know he was 16-18, and I know he believed they were in love. But, the guy was still married, and from everything you have said, he knew the guy was married. I'm not saying he could never be in a monogamous relationship, but the fact that he was in a relationship with a married person would be enough to raise a flag for me. I would be extra cautious because of THAT aspect, not because that person hapoened to be a man.

I wish you the best of luck, and strongly advise NOT telling your family, as it is none of their business. If they learn elsewhere and bring it to you, then sure, tell them you knew and it is between you and hom, and no one else.

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post #50 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 10:32 AM
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

doh

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post #51 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 11:05 AM
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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Well yeah the only relationship he's been in outside of our relationship is the married man. So his first sexual relationship was with a guy. But the past really does not matter.

The ****tt side to this its already out there so its like I know its worst that they do know. But that's something I can't help neither of us can. I guess I'm just looking to see e what I can do to make the best of the situation overall.

They don't directly tell him he'd going to hell or that he should commit suicide but they do say stuff to me about how it's never going to work I should accept that hes gay he acts like hes gay so its a matter of time before he come out etc..... They're very negative and in general about homosexuality they encourage them to be clsered or not bring forth being gay so often etc.... Idk if that's more of the first or second group tbh.

That's what I tried to the past almost 3 years but that failed now that he was outed and I don't know quite how to respond to this new revelation for everyone else in my family and friendone etc....
So your family already knows. Why would he want to tell them something that they already know?
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post #52 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 11:12 AM
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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That's weird acting a way that people stereotype as gay doesn't determine someone's true sexuality. Some straight men are perceived as gay by their personality. Being gay is an attraction to just men. Not a personality. There is no gay personality.
You are the one who said that your fiancé acts gay. So clearly you believe that there is some kind of gay personality, or gay outward behavior that identifies gay men. You cannot take back what you already said.
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post #53 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 11:24 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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Originally Posted by manfromlamancha View Post
We shall see. Don't know about text book ignorance - can only go by what i have seen. You are just about turning legal to drink in the USA. And you quote text book ignorance to me. As for terminology call it what you will. Lesbos is still a lovely island in the Greek islands. Gay is a fantastic word meaning happiness. Bisexual is the only really descriptive word as would hetero and homo sexual be. If a man prefers men to women he is a homosexual. Same for a woman who prefers women. If a man only sleeps with women then he is heterosexual. Same for a woman who only sleeps with men. Now here is where the statistics come in. If a woman is capable of sleeping and enjoying a healthy relationship long term with both women and men then she is truly bisexual. Haven't seen too many cases of that - they either go back to being hetero or stay homo - however there are some success stories there. When it comes to a man in that scenario - I haven't seen ANY success stories. Hence the warning which you can choose to ignore in your youthful certainty that you are right.
Its not about who you sleep with... Its about who you're attracted to I have a friend who is totally straight and 23 and a virgin. She's not asexual she's straight. Its not about who you slept with its who you are attracted to but if it were your argument wouldn't stand up considering my fiance has been with both genders.

And no bisexuality is a huge spectrum I'd say the most various of all orientations. Some bisexuals prefer the same sex some prefer the opposite sex and some are equal 50-50. Straight is not preference of the opposite sex IMO. Its being only and solely attracted to the opposite sex. Preference indicates there's some attraction the other way as well. So no being straight is not being bisexual. Straight is being only attracted to the opposite sex. And gay is only being attracted to the same sex.

My fiance is biromantic so his romantic attractions have no preference. Hes pretty 50/50. Hes sexually more homoflexible which means he find more men attractive than women. Generally speaking but he likes women too. He's a boob guy. Guys don't have boobs so... Yeah he is attracted to men but he also likes women sexually. Its like this if 90% of the time you find you are attracted to men but 5-10% of the time you find women attractive. That would clearly make you bisexual with a sexual preference to men.and like I said with relationships hes 50-50. There are biromantic homosexuals and homorpmantic bisexuals and biromantic heterosexuals these are all variations of bisexuality. Its not gay. Gay is homoromantic with a homosexual orientation. My fiance is neither of these. It appears you're limited in understanding the many different types of bisexuality there is. But that's why some bisexuals mainly date the same or opposite sex.

Which obviously is clearly ignorant.

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And you won't be the first woman that has fallen hard for a gay man. They generally are very attractive, aren't they. Montgomery Clift, Rock Hudson etc etc
You just wish men weren't bisexual. But they are nothing will you from your ignorant beliefs most likely.


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Add to this being careless enough to become pregnant with him and there is a hell of a storm on the horizon. What a shame. An innocent life is put in the middle, again.
We're both actually excited to be expecting our first child its not unwanted and we're both looming forward to our future marriage. Its not a disaster its the best relationship I've been in yet.
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post #54 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 11:29 AM
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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Its not about who you sleep with... Its about who you're attracted to I have a friend who is totally straight and 23 and a virgin. She's not asexual she's straight. Its not about who you slept with its who you are attracted to but if it were your argument wouldn't stand up considering my fiance has been with both genders.

And no bisexuality is a huge spectrum I'd say the most various of all orientations. Some bisexuals prefer the same sex some prefer the opposite sex and some are equal 50-50. Straight is not preference of the opposite sex IMO. Its being only and solely attracted to the opposite sex. Preference indicates there's some attraction the other way as well. So no being straight is not being bisexual. Straight is being only attracted to the opposite sex. And gay is only being attracted to the same sex.

My fiance is biromantic so his romantic attractions have no preference. Hes pretty 50/50. Hes sexually more homoflexible which means he find more men attractive than women. Generally speaking but he likes women too. He's a boob guy. Guys don't have boobs so... Yeah he is attracted to men but he also likes women sexually. Its like this if 90% of the time you find you are attracted to men but 5-10% of the time you find women attractive. That would clearly make you bisexual with a sexual preference to men.and like I said with relationships hes 50-50. There are biromantic homosexuals and homorpmantic bisexuals and biromantic heterosexuals these are all variations of bisexuality. Its not gay. Gay is homoromantic with a homosexual orientation. My fiance is neither of these. It appears you're limited in understanding the many different types of bisexuality there is. But that's why some bisexuals mainly date the same or opposite sex.

Which obviously is clearly ignorant.



You just wish men weren't bisexual. But they are nothing will you from your ignorant beliefs most likely.




We're both actually excited to be expecting our first child its not unwanted and we're both looming forward to our future marriage. Its not a disaster its the best relationship I've been in yet.
Oh, I'm sorry.

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post #55 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 11:35 AM
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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Its not about who you sleep with... Its about who you're attracted to I have a friend who is totally straight and 23 and a virgin. She's not asexual she's straight. Its not about who you slept with its who you are attracted to but if it were your argument wouldn't stand up considering my fiance has been with both genders.

And no bisexuality is a huge spectrum I'd say the most various of all orientations. Some bisexuals prefer the same sex some prefer the opposite sex and some are equal 50-50. Straight is not preference of the opposite sex IMO. Its being only and solely attracted to the opposite sex. Preference indicates there's some attraction the other way as well. So no being straight is not being bisexual. Straight is being only attracted to the opposite sex. And gay is only being attracted to the same sex.

My fiance is biromantic so his romantic attractions have no preference. Hes pretty 50/50. Hes sexually more homoflexible which means he find more men attractive than women. Generally speaking but he likes women too. He's a boob guy. Guys don't have boobs so... Yeah he is attracted to men but he also likes women sexually. Its like this if 90% of the time you find you are attracted to men but 5-10% of the time you find women attractive. That would clearly make you bisexual with a sexual preference to men.and like I said with relationships hes 50-50. There are biromantic homosexuals and homorpmantic bisexuals and biromantic heterosexuals these are all variations of bisexuality. Its not gay. Gay is homoromantic with a homosexual orientation. My fiance is neither of these. It appears you're limited in understanding the many different types of bisexuality there is. But that's why some bisexuals mainly date the same or opposite sex.

Which obviously is clearly ignorant.



You just wish men weren't bisexual. But they are nothing will you from your ignorant beliefs most likely.




We're both actually excited to be expecting our first child its not unwanted and we're both looming forward to our future marriage. Its not a disaster its the best relationship I've been in yet.
Good luck. No, this is why many here are having the "get off my lawn" reaction to your comments. You are playing semantic games with new made up words. You just rewrote what ML said, with the new words the younger generation is trying to implement into society. Yes, you basically said what he did with angrier words, adding percentages with no sources and an attempt to call him a bigot. Love your man and enjoy your life, but you have some ignorance and bigoted beliefs going on as well.

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post #56 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 11:44 AM
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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Its not a disaster its the best relationship I've been in yet.
There is a reason that you are here asking questions and looking for support. The title of this thread is not really the reason since apparently your father already knows that your fiancé is gay, or bi, or whatever.

Something is eating at you.
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post #57 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 11:51 AM
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

LOL...

"Homoflexible".

Millennials are just adorable.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #58 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 12:01 PM
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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There is a reason that you are here asking questions and looking for support. The title of this thread is not really the reason since apparently your father already knows that your fiancé is gay, or bi, or whatever.

Something is eating at you.
Maybe she is wondering if she should have an abortion? ahem, sorry...........

If she was me, I was her, ahh.......yeah.....whatever..... I'd be wondering how I'm going to do all of this at the same time, trust him, get him to marry me, get my parents to understand that I love him, deal with the backlash I know is coming, and get them to support me financially, physically and emotionally.

On the other hand, she may just be wondering why her parents are so homophobic and wants to vent about it while finding others who she can ask why they are homophobic because she can't talk to her parents/family?

Or............what is it, op, Maj1996?

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post #59 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 12:06 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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So your family already knows. Why would he want to tell them something that they already know?
Right now my family thinks hes gay that he cheats on me with a married man and that I don't know about the affair. We've both denied this. But there's actually evidence of the affair. So its hard to truly deny.

My fiance wants to just come out and explained what really happened. But I feel like they won't believe and plus it might do more harm than good that's my problem.

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You are the one who said that your fiancé acts gay. So clearly you believe that there is some kind of gay personality, or gay outward behavior that identifies gay men. You cannot take back what you already said.
I meant he acts in a way peoe ignorantly perceive as gay there is no way to act that's actually gay.
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post #60 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 12:07 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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I have. I have seen cases on both sides. One, I dated many years ago, and he is now in a monogamous relationship with a man. Another is a man who had been with other men and he is in a monogamous marriage (over 20 years) to a woman. Now, that isn't to say this will definitely happen with OP, but just to point out that it DOES happen.

Ok, OP, first, your question is whether he should cone clean to your family. The only question about this should be WHY should he even HAVE to? YOU know his history, YOU have accepted it. YOU have weighed the risks vs benefits and have made the decision yourself. If your family voices concerns, more power to him. But as long as you are walking into this with your eyes open, that is all that matters. Do you intend to inform them of your every orgasm? This is in the same category. Your sex life is yours. They don't nerd to know it. And his sex life is his. Again, no need to tell the world.

Honestly, the only thing that should be an issue is that he was involved with someone who was married. I know he was 16-18, and I know he believed they were in love. But, the guy was still married, and from everything you have said, he knew the guy was married. I'm not saying he could never be in a monogamous relationship, but the fact that he was in a relationship with a married person would be enough to raise a flag for me. I would be extra cautious because of THAT aspect, not because that person hapoened to be a man.

I wish you the best of luck, and strongly advise NOT telling your family, as it is none of their business. If they learn elsewhere and bring it to you, then sure, tell them you knew and it is between you and hom, and no one else.

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Well up until now there was no reason to bring up that he was bisexual. My family would say he acts a bit more flamboyantly and suspect he was gay. But after stuff came out about his last relationship now its like they think consistently that I'm like his beard and like that he must totally be gay. And keep trying to diss our relationship. I think its better to admit I knew and therefore to him to come out since denying basically makes me look in denial an out of touch with reality. And makes our relationship appear to have lots of secrets in which we don't have. It is though none of their business IMO. That's why I wish that he wasn't outed in the first place.

Actually as far as the affair his ex wasn't actually officially married at the beginning of my fiance's relationship. He married her during the affair. He had a child with her and I actually think that's around the time my fiance and he broke up.pretty sure his ex went on to cheat with other people too. Doubt he was the only one.

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Yes, he prefers sex with men. Her fiancee said that.

He may switch teams some years down the road. He may stray. Have an affair. With a gay man.

And he will expose her to STD's. That is the risk. A big risk. Plus, then he will be a cheater.

Sexuality cannot be suppressed. Unless you castrate the male or ......? the female.

Why is this so hard to swallow....yuk.

People can be so hard headed and naive.
Prefer men sexually meant he like me. And women but men more. But he still likes women. I trust him e ough to know if anything went wrong he'd be honest with me.

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You don't know she was careless. It could have been planned.

There are millions of straight people who cheat and have babies.

OP,

Your family knows he is gay. You said he acts the stereotypical way.

My best bud is gay. You cannot tell unless he tells you. If you meet his long time partner you can tell that guy is gay within 10 seconds.

What do you hope to accomplish by telling the family ?

Actually bi may work to your advantage because your family will think you have or will convert him.

What they need to know, and you too, is if your fiance will remain monogamous.

I have a bi friend. She had a boyfriend. But she also went out on dates with girls. Non monogamous. She does not call it cheating because it only one guy and one girl at a time.
They just say he acts gay as in he comes off as more feminine to them. That's all. And he has a higher pitch voice. Its things basically not having at all to do with his sexuality. Its clear ignorance. IMO.

Here's hoping I think maybe in 10 years with a successful marriage it will open their eyes a little.
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