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post #61 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 12:11 PM
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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Here's hoping I think maybe in 10 years with a successful marriage it will open their eyes a little.
LOL

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post #62 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 12:15 PM
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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Right now my family thinks hes gay that he cheats on me with a married man and that I don't know about the affair. We've both denied this. But there's actually evidence of the affair. So its hard to truly deny.

My fiance wants to just come out and explained what really happened. But I feel like they won't believe and plus it might do more harm than good that's my problem.



I meant he acts in a way peoe ignorantly perceive as gay there is no way to act that's actually gay.
Ok, thank you for the clarification. In this particular case, I would have to agree with your fiance. Tell them the truth, present the facts/timeline. If this was simply "I want to tell them I am bi" just for the hell of it, that would be different. But, they have already been presented with the evidence, and think the worst about him. I still would be cautious because of the affair, but that's me. But, with them already thinking he is currently cheating with this guy, the timeline should be presented. Who knows? With him having been only 16, they may be less inclined to judge him so harshly. Or maybe not.

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post #63 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 12:23 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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Good luck. No, this is why many here are having the "get off my lawn" reaction to your comments. You are playing semantic games with new made up words. You just rewrote what ML said, with the new words the younger generation is trying to implement into society. Yes, you basically said what he did with angrier words, adding percentages with no sources and an attempt to call him a bigot. Love your man and enjoy your life, but you have some ignorance and bigoted beliefs going on as well.
No I explained that bisexuality wasn't heterosexuality. I think may e you don't want bisexuality to exist because then you are at risk for being labelled bi. Those who are predominantly heterosexual benefit from bisexuality not. Wing acknowledged and comments like lamanchas implies bisexuality is straight or gay. If its not 50-50.

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There is a reason that you are here asking questions and looking for support. The title of this thread is not really the reason since apparently your father already knows that your fiancé is gay, or bi, or whatever.

Something is eating at you.

Km here trying to ask how to deal with famy that's what my thread is about.

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LOL...

"Homoflexible".

Millennials are just adorable.
Those are real terms heteroflexible and homoflexible. It means predomantly homosexual and predominantly heterosexual it concerns the sexual orientation not the romantic attractions though.

And I'm not a millennial. I'm a post millennial anyone born after 1995 are post millennial.

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Maybe she is wondering if she should have an abortion? ahem, sorry...........

If she was me, I was her, ahh.......yeah.....whatever..... I'd be wondering how I'm going to do all of this at the same time, trust him, get him to marry me, get my parents to understand that I love him, deal with the backlash I know is coming, and get them to support me financially, physically and emotionally.

On the other hand, she may just be wondering why her parents are so homophobic and wants to vent about it while finding others who she can ask why they are homophobic because she can't talk to her parents/family?

Or............what is it, op, Maj1996?
Well my question is on how to handle my fiance being outed with family and friends.
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post #64 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 12:28 PM
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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Maybe she is wondering if she should have an abortion? ahem, sorry...........
I've been checking on that ..... So far nothing.
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post #65 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 12:32 PM
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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Well my question is on how to handle my fiance being outed with family and friends.

Listen, if he can't stand up for himself over what he believes, how do you expect him to handle the marriage and new baby?

There are a lot more difficult issues to handle than telling others, or deciding it's none of their business.

My opinion is, this is dangerous for you and the baby. I don't much care about him because he doesn't have to go through pregnancy and so forth. You do!

This whole thread seems way off to me.

What do you think a bunch of strangers would wonder, if they came here with (y)our story? To me it seems like you hate yourself and you are settling for what you think is your last chance. You have a lot to learn. Your brain hasn't even fully developed. It won't until around the age of 27. Why don't you get an education, if you haven't, and make a great career for yourself and a stable life for your baby?

If he stays with you through all that, you might have an argument for marriage.

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post #66 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 12:35 PM
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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Right now my family thinks hes gay that he cheats on me with a married man and that I don't know about the affair. We've both denied this. But there's actually evidence of the affair. So its hard to truly deny.

My fiance wants to just come out and explained what really happened. But I feel like they won't believe and plus it might do more harm than good that's my problem.
Ok, so your family knows about the affair and you and he keep denying that an affair ever happened. They don't believe it when you deny it because they can tell that you are lying.

If your fiancé just comes out and explains it, he will have to say that yes he was in a homosexual affair with a married man. The only defense he has is that he was a kid who was used by an older man. I guess he may as well tell the truth since your family already knows the truth. They have good reason to be concerned.

For a moment, let's pretend that your fiancé had an affair when he was 16 with a 20-somthing woman. Your parents would have very good reason to be concerned about you being involved with a guy who did this. So why wouldn't they also be concerned about a homosexual affair?

Their concern does not necessarily make them bigoted. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Your parents know this.

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Originally Posted by Maj1996 View Post
I meant he acts in a way peoe ignorantly perceive as gay there is no way to act that's actually gay.
There is in fact a certain type of affected behavior that some homosexual men do display. I've seen it. I've had gay friends who behave in this manner. This is why with some gay men, they can been identified as gay very easily. Of course not all gay men behave in this manner, but a good number of them do.

Last edited by EleGirl; 03-04-2017 at 12:46 PM.
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post #67 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 12:39 PM
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

Honey, this is a rough one.

I can see both sides. Your sex life with your mate is private, in general I would always advise to keep it that way.
In your situation though, your family already all surmise he is gay, because that is the way he acts. He does not act like a heterosexual man, because he isn't one. At this point, why not just be honest with your family, like he expresses he wants to? It's not like they will be shocked. Why are you worried so much about their reaction to this, since they already feel that way?

If your family are good people, the honesty with them may give you additional food for thought about your situation. They LOVE you, like no one else in the world does, so hear what they have to say. You don't have to agree, or change your course, but listen.

You are both very young. I have many concerns that he will eventually want to explore more with men later on, after years of life and reality set in. BUT if he is a completely managmous person, then he should ultimately remain faithful. I'm trying to think of it from my own life. My sex life is not ideal, but nothing would ever make me cheat, even if a thousand hot men were begging me to bone. Nothing could turn my head from my husband. That is because I am a faithful, monogamous person to my core.

The thing that is nagging me about your baby daddy is that he did have an affair which resulted in breaking up a marriage, and shows a tendancy to not be overly concerned with complete faithfulness. I know he was younger, but he still knew it was wrong, and chose to do it for years. The amount of faith you can put into his declarions of faithfulness has to be somewhat weakened by his past choices. I totally get that you forgive him, and don't hold it against him, but it still happened,

Whatever happens, you are now bound forever by a child. Being young, and in a non traditional relationship are both things that are challenges you now have to deal with. All relationships have challenges, and these are yours. I truly hope that yours is a success.

Ciao,

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post #68 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 12:43 PM
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

Do you live at home with your parents?
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post #69 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 12:51 PM
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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Being young, and in a non traditional relationship are both things that are challenges you now have to deal with. All relationships have challenges, and these are yours. I truly hope that yours is a success.
Don't forget being pregnant for the first time and likely needing mum to help, as many do.

What a mess. Yeah, I hope it works out for you, Maj, and the baby. I really don't care about that guy. Has he even helped the mother of his other child? Is he paying child support to help her with the costs of raising his child? Does he visit the child? How often? Was he there for the birth? So many unanswered questions that would help you to see if he is worth the huge risk go unasked. Well, until now.

Does he have a job, a place for you and him to live, a stable family of his own? Do you have a job? Do you live on your own or at home with mum and dad?

You don't have to answer any of these in this thread. You can just use them to figure things out and guide your decisions. Yes, yours, not his. He can get on a forum of his choosing.

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post #70 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 12:53 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

Yeah I agree with this. I want to take a different approach on a matter of facts maybe it could help more.

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Originally Posted by Maricha75 View Post
Ok, thank you for the clarification. In this particular case, I would have to agree with your fiance. Tell them the truth, present the facts/timeline. If this was simply "I want to tell them I am bi" just for the hell of it, that would be different. But, they have already been presented with the evidence, and think the worst about him. I still would be cautious because of the affair, but that's me. But, with them already thinking he is currently cheating with this guy, the timeline should be presented. Who knows? With him having been only 16, they may be less inclined to judge him so harshly. Or maybe not.

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post #71 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 12:58 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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Honey, this is a rough one.

I can see both sides. Your sex life with your mate is private, in general I would always advise to keep it that way.
In your situation though, your family already all surmise he is gay, because that is the way he acts. He does not act like a heterosexual man, because he isn't one. At this point, why not just be honest with your family, like he expresses he wants to? It's not like they will be shocked. Why are you worried so much about their reaction to this, since they already feel that way?

If your family are good people, the honesty with them may give you additional food for thought about your situation. They LOVE you, like no one else in the world does, so hear what they have to say. You don't have to agree, or change your course, but listen.

You are both very young. I have many concerns that he will eventually want to explore more with men later on, after years of life and reality set in. BUT if he is a completely managmous person, then he should ultimately remain faithful. I'm trying to think of it from my own life. My sex life is not ideal, but nothing would ever make me cheat, even if a thousand hot men were begging me to bone. Nothing could turn my head from my husband. That is because I am a faithful, monogamous person to my core.

The thing that is nagging me about your baby daddy is that he did have an affair which resulted in breaking up a marriage, and shows a tendancy to not be overly concerned with complete faithfulness. I know he was younger, but he still knew it was wrong, and chose to do it for years. The amount of faith you can put into his declarions of faithfulness has to be somewhat weakened by his past choices. I totally get that you forgive him, and don't hold it against him, but it still happened,

Whatever happens, you are now bound forever by a child. Being young, and in a non traditional relationship are both things that are challenges you now have to deal with. All relationships have challenges, and these are yours. I truly hope that yours is a success.

Well hes never cheated on anyone in fact he never e end. Heated on his ex. He broke it off with him when we started getting interested in each other. I find it hard to judge him for a relationship he wasn't committed to but that's just how I feel. I don't get what you meant by nontraditional. But thanks for your advice. I think may e he should. Not sure how much he should come out though.


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Don't forget being pregnant for the first time and likely needing mum to help, as many do.

What a mess. Yeah, I hope it works out for you, Maj, and the baby. I really don't care about that guy. Has he even helped the mother of his other child? Is he paying child support to help her with the costs of raising his child? Does he visit the child? How often? Was he there for the birth? So many unanswered questions that would help you to see if he is worth the huge risk go unasked. Well, until now.

Does he have a job, a place for you and him to live, a stable family of his own? Do you have a job? Do you live on your own or at home with mum and dad?

You don't have to answer any of these in this thread. You can just use them to figure things out and guide your decisions. Yes, yours, not his. He can get on a forum of his choosing.
I'm answeinf this alone. Because ****s all wrong with this post. My fiance doesn't have another child. I'm confused. What you're referring to. My fiance and I are both experiencing our first pregnancy.

We actually own our own home etc... We're financially set. Not well off like his mom but we're good I don't depend on my parents for the most part.

Last edited by Maj1996; 03-04-2017 at 01:06 PM.
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post #72 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 01:10 PM
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

Thank you. That clears up a great deal. Good luck. Whatever happens, you have made your choices. This isn't so hard after all.

Tell him to man up and figure out what he wants to say and do. It's up to him. You have accepted him as he is.

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post #73 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 01:18 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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Do you live at home with your parents?
No we don't.

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Ok, so your family knows about the affair and you and he keep denying that an affair ever happened. They don't believe it when you deny it because they can tell that you are lying.

If your fiancé just comes out and explains it, he will have to say that yes he was in a homosexual affair with a married man. The only defense he has is that he was a kid who was used by an older man. I guess he may as well tell the truth since your family already knows the truth. They have good reason to be concerned.

For a moment, let's pretend that your fiancé had an affair when he was 16 with a 20-somthing woman. Your parents would have very good reason to be concerned about you being involved with a guy who did this. So why wouldn't they also be concerned about a homosexual affair?

Their concern does not necessarily make them bigoted. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Your parents know this.



There is in fact a certain type of affected behavior that some homosexual men do display. I've seen it. I've had gay friends who behave in this manner. This is why with some gay men, they can been identified as gay very easily. Of course not all gay men behave in this manner, but a good number of them do.

Well they don't believe because of evidence showing otherwise.

Well maybe that's a better approach. I mean technically it was illegal in the first place considering he was underage. I mean technically he could have been manipulated into being in such a relationship.

My parents would react a lot better if the married person was a woman

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I've been checking on that ..... So far nothing.
Abortion? Uh no I'm very prolife. I would never do that. My fiance is prolife sorta too. Well in my view. Hes one of those exception types. I'm against abortion in all cases its murder straight up IMO.

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Listen, if he can't stand up for himself over what he believes, how do you expect him to handle the marriage and new baby?

There are a lot more difficult issues to handle than telling others, or deciding it's none of their business.

My opinion is, this is dangerous for you and the baby. I don't much care about him because he doesn't have to go through pregnancy and so forth. You do!

This whole thread seems way off to me.

What do you think a bunch of strangers would wonder, if they came here with (y)our story? To me it seems like you hate yourself and you are settling for what you think is your last chance. You have a lot to learn. Your brain hasn't even fully developed. It won't until around the age of 27. Why don't you get an education, if you haven't, and make a great career for yourself and a stable life for your baby?

If he stays with you through all that, you might have an argument for marriage.
I have had many bfs before him I wasn't desperate before him and I'm actually educated. I feel like what I'm doing is right and that's not what this thread is about its about how to deal with family.... That's what it is about.

Last edited by Maj1996; 03-04-2017 at 01:25 PM.
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post #74 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 01:19 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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Thank you. That clears up a great deal. Good luck. Whatever happens, you have made your choices. This isn't so hard after all.

Tell him to man up and figure out what he wants to say and do. It's up to him. You have accepted him as he is.
Oh that explains your other posts.
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post #75 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 01:39 PM
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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Yeah I already said that was a mistake and I know he wouldn't do that now. He was 16 and hes not 16 anymore. Hes grown and learned a lot from that situation.


Well he didn't break up another family that's what his ex did.


I'm not going to blame a 16 year old's actions for someone's actions who's in their 20's fully capable of making decisions on their own. Her husband is the culprit.



Um I'm straight I don't experiment I've known my sexuality since I was 12/13. I am BTW talking about men so yeah that's just how I am.

This is text book ignorance. Saying if they end up with a guy they must be gay. If they end up with a woman they are straight. I guess if I end up with no one I go from straight to asexual... Lol. Not true. We are all born with our sexuality whether we are gay bi or straight. A bisexual man or woman who marries a woman isn't straight or lesbian. He or she is still bisexual that's how they're and that how they die.
You said he was an adult,18, when they broke up. 17-18 is quite old enough to know that having sex with a married man is very wrong. They were both equally responsible for the destruction of the marriage and the deep hurt caused to the OM's wife and children.

I am sorry but I see little hope that this relationship will last. Not only has he committed adultery(for 2 years), but he has said he is more attracted to men. Two red flags already and now a child is being bought into the mix.
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