Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What? - Page 6 - Talk About Marriage
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post #76 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 01:39 PM
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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Originally Posted by Maj1996 View Post
Oh that explains your other posts.
I originally thought you were some young twenty year old who was in trouble. Apparently, many other members did, too.



I did have a great deal of sympathy for you. I'm glad you clarified.

Man up has nothing to do with his bisexuality or homosexuality. It does have everything to do with his level of maturity.

If you are here without his knowledge, you step beyond your bounds. If you are here because he doesn't know what to do, he may not accept himself.

Either way, it's up to him to figure it out.


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post #77 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 02:02 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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You said he was an adult,18, when they broke up. 17-18 is quite old enough to know that having sex with a married man is very wrong. They were both equally responsible for the destruction of the marriage and the deep hurt caused to the OM's wife and children.

I am sorry but I see little hope that this relationship will last. Not only has he committed adultery(for 2 years), but he has said he is more attracted to men. Two red flags already and now a child is being bought into the mix.
Well 17 is illegal in Nevada for that activity. And at 18 they broke up. And there were no children when they were cheating. Like I said before his ex married during the relationship with my fiance. It was wrong since he was in a relationship married or not. But it was a mistake he did right by breaking up with him.

Yes like I said hes biromantic which means with relationships hes bisexual. I like white guys 90% of the time. But 5% of the time a Hispanic guy can be just as attractive. That doesn't mean I can't find a Hispanic man as attractive as a white man. Same applies here. He does like more men than women but he still likes some women just as much.
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post #78 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 02:05 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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Originally Posted by 2ntnuf View Post
I originally thought you were some young twenty year old who was in trouble. Apparently, many other members did, too.



I did have a great deal of sympathy for you. I'm glad you clarified.

Man up has nothing to do with his bisexuality or homosexuality. It does have everything to do with his level of maturity.

If you are here without his knowledge, you step beyond your bounds. If you are here because he doesn't know what to do, he may not accept himself.

Either way, it's up to him to figure it out.
I'm here because I wasn't sure what I wanted. Like I said he wants to come out. But I advised against it. Which is what I wasn't sure if he should come out or just ignore and maybe my family will get over it on their own. But it seems really not that possible.
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post #79 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 02:06 PM
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

How far along are you with the pregnancy?
When did he propose? Before the baby?

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post #80 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 02:12 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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How far along are you with the pregnancy?
When did he propose? Before the baby?

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12 weeks and officially early december I didn't get pregnant until around Christmas. And didn't find out until this year.
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post #81 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 02:17 PM
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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Originally Posted by Maj1996 View Post
I'm here because I wasn't sure what I wanted. Like I said he wants to come out. But I advised against it. Which is what I wasn't sure if he should come out or just ignore and maybe my family will get over it on their own. But it seems really not that possible.
OK this is getting too long winded so the easy answer to your title question is YES if it makes him happy.

By the way, why does he want to "come out" ? Is it to clarify to your parents (who in their ignorance like mine, think he is gay) that he is in fact not gay ? Or is it to educate them on the range or spectrum of bisexuality ? Or is it to advertise to other men that he is still interested in them too ? What ? As Ele and Maricha have said, as long as you know why does it matter who else knows?

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post #82 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 02:27 PM
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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Originally Posted by Maj1996 View Post
I'm here because I wasn't sure what I wanted. Like I said he wants to come out. But I advised against it. Which is what I wasn't sure if he should come out or just ignore and maybe my family will get over it on their own. But it seems really not that possible.
He wants to come out to who?

You guys are so young, your worries seem to be more concerned with his "status" rather than about being concerned about him committing to being a father and a husband.


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post #83 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 03:00 PM
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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Originally Posted by Maj1996 View Post
I'm here because I wasn't sure what I wanted. Like I said he wants to come out. But I advised against it. Which is what I wasn't sure if he should come out or just ignore and maybe my family will get over it on their own. But it seems really not that possible.
There is no getting over it. There is acceptance or rejection. So far, they don't have proof, but gut feelings and observations. Sometimes, bringing the elephant in the room into the light is the best. They will have to make their decisions. Just be prepared. I assume not everyone will accept your realities.

They won't stop talking about him behind his back. I don't think. Less will, but not all will stop. Good luck. Sorry you have to do this during a time when you are pregnant and wanting to be happy and receive congratulations. That sucks. It's pretty much life, though. Isn't it?

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

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post #84 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 04:10 PM
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

I just wanted to add that we are happy you are here. I am also impressed how well you have responded to everyone. I think you have handled yourself very well for a young person. Many posters that are new get mad and disappear, which surely is counterproductive, as they end up getting no help. So I really think it is great how you handled all the responses, even the ones that were on the harsh side. So bravo!

You came seeking opinions, and you got plenty. Hearing others weigh in on this is really a wonderful provision to help you work through your thoughts and concerns. This has given you a lot to think over. Consider staying with us, as you will always have questions in your relatonship. The longer we know you and your situation the more we can help. Also, you can help others in the future (That's why I am still here, to pay it forward, because I appreciate this forum so much.) If you feel comfortable with it, I would recommend having your fiancé read this. Open communication is a HUGE factor in any successful relationship.

Lastly - I want to say Congradulations on your pregnancy. Children are an amazing gift. I think you will both love being parents, and I genuinely wish you happiness and success.

Ciao,

Spicy
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post #85 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 04:11 PM
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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Originally Posted by MattMatt View Post
You are awfully young for this kind of relationship.

I dated a woman who was bisexual. She dumped me for a woman.
I don't know @MattMatt. Almost nine years ago I married a bisexual woman. While she did have an affair with a woman early on, we are still together today.

We were only 21 when we got married.

Ho est communication and acceptance can overcome much.


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post #86 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 04:15 PM
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Maj1996 View Post
I'm here because I wasn't sure what I wanted. Like I said he wants to come out. But I advised against it. Which is what I wasn't sure if he should come out or just ignore and maybe my family will get over it on their own. But it seems really not that possible.
You keep saying that he wants to "come out" to your parents. But they already know that he had an affair with a married man. He's already out to them. The two of you have simply been lying to them, denying that affair and his homosexual tendencies.

I'm not so sure it's him "coming out" so much as the two of you stop lying to your parents.
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post #87 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 04:36 PM
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

Run Elegirl! Save yourself!!

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."
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post #88 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 04:52 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
You keep saying that he wants to "come out" to your parents. But they already know that he had an affair with a married man. He's already out to them. The two of you have simply been lying to them, denying that affair and his homosexual tendencies.

I'm not so sure it's him "coming out" so much as the two of you stop lying to your parents.
No hes not out to them anymore than he was when they assumed he was straight. You keep trying to claim bi is gay so obviously you don't understand.


Coming out as bi is different than being gay. But it doesn't seem you see the obvious different I obviously do.
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post #89 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 04:56 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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Originally Posted by 2ntnuf View Post
There is no getting over it. There is acceptance or rejection. So far, they don't have proof, but gut feelings and observations. Sometimes, bringing the elephant in the room into the light is the best. They will have to make their decisions. Just be prepared. I assume not everyone will accept your realities.

They won't stop talking about him behind his back. I don't think. Less will, but not all will stop. Good luck. Sorry you have to do this during a time when you are pregnant and wanting to be happy and receive congratulations. That sucks. It's pretty much life, though. Isn't it?
They have evidence that's the whole problem. Supposedly he was on tape admitting that he was having an affair. And she distributed it. Which got back to my family.

Of course they may not but its at least better to be open about what really is the truth etc.... Whether they believe it or not..

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsAldi View Post
He wants to come out to who?

You guys are so young, your worries seem to be more concerned with his "status" rather than about being concerned about him committing to being a father and a husband.


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To basically those who are conceded and inquire because of the situation.

Quote:
Originally Posted by manfromlamancha View Post
OK this is getting too long winded so the easy answer to your title question is YES if it makes him happy.

By the way, why does he want to "come out" ? Is it to clarify to your parents (who in their ignorance like mine, think he is gay) that he is in fact not gay ? Or is it to educate them on the range or spectrum of bisexuality ? Or is it to advertise to other men that he is still interested in them too ? What ? As Ele and Maricha have said, as long as you know why does it matter who else knows?
He wants to come out because my family found out about his affair. No one cares if they understand bisexuality or not that's not the issue.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Spicy View Post
I just wanted to add that we are happy you are here. I am also impressed how well you have responded to everyone. I think you have handled yourself very well for a young person. Many posters that are new get mad and disappear, which surely is counterproductive, as they end up getting no help. So I really think it is great how you handled all the responses, even the ones that were on the harsh side. So bravo!

You came seeking opinions, and you got plenty. Hearing others weigh in on this is really a wonderful provision to help you work through your thoughts and concerns. This has given you a lot to think over. Consider staying with us, as you will always have questions in your relatonship. The longer we know you and your situation the more we can help. Also, you can help others in the future (That's why I am still here, to pay it forward, because I appreciate this forum so much.) If you feel comfortable with it, I would recommend having your fiancé read this. Open communication is a HUGE factor in any successful relationship.

Lastly - I want to say Congradulations on your pregnancy. Children are an amazing gift. I think you will both love being parents, and I genuinely wish you happiness and success.

Thanks yeah even the negative advice can be of much help honestly. It helps give idea etc and what not.

Quote:
Originally Posted by As'laDain View Post
I don't know @MattMatt. Almost nine years ago I married a bisexual woman. While she did have an affair with a woman early on, we are still together today.

We were only 21 when we got married.

Ho est communication and acceptance can overcome much.
Yeah majorly the foundation of pur relationship relies on trust and an open communication level.
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post #90 of 140 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 05:56 PM
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Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?

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Originally Posted by Maj1996 View Post
No I explained that bisexuality wasn't heterosexuality.
Which is what ML stated.

Quote:
I think may e you don't want bisexuality to exist because then you are at risk for being labelled bi.
See, this is called stereotyping and leads into bigotry. This quote is my first post on your thread. I have made no declarations about sexuality except to say you rewrote ML's post. I am not at risk for being labeled because I do not care about your sexuality or what anyone thinks about mine.

Quote:
Those who are predominantly heterosexual benefit from bisexuality not.
Can't respond because this makes little sense.

Quote:
Wing acknowledged and comments like lamanchas implies bisexuality is straight or gay. If its not 50-50.
He said much more, but you are still stereotyping.


I looked up many of your words and numbers, they are quite interesting. To me, you are the one with the biggest issues on sexuality. The more I dig, the more your information comes form slang based and fringe based websites. If the issue bothers you this much, that you start passive aggressively insulting posters, you might want to rethink your relationship. You asked for advice, didn't like what you heard and have resorted to angry insults and trying to prove everyone who disagrees is a bigot or ignorant.

Just so you understand, there is a difference between educating people when they might be wrong and trying to be right.
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