Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Southern USA, but longtime NYC boy prior to our move.
Re: Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What?
My wife is bisexual and repressed it for a very long time. In our day when dinosaurs still roamed the earth, no one accepted bisexuality as a valid sexual orientation, not even the LGBT groups. Some still do not. If you were bisexual you would be labeled and treated as either gay or a lesbian. In my day that meant being disowned by family and friends. It could even mean losing your job and being beat up or killed. There was zero tolerance and much hatred before most here were born. My wife's best friend/lover of 30 years is also bi but never let it show. They were best friends since their early teens and were frightened to tell each other until their twenties.
First off, bi woman have it much easier than bi guys. No one buys a guy a drink if he makes out with another guy and feels his breasts. If guys hugged each other, kiss hello or goodbye, held hands, dirty danced together and introduced their friend as their boyfriend, they would be thought to be gay, not bi. Some gay guys do claim to be bi and I have known a few. They all eventually ran off with male lovers after marrying and having a few kids. My godfather ran off with his male lover when he was in his 40's and all the woman in our family thought he was sexy, as did his wife who bragged about him.
For my wife it was easy. She could dirty dance with her girlfriend, hold her hand, kiss her hello or goodbye, hug her and more, without anyone thinking anything about it. She just introduced her girlfriend as her girlfriend. If a guy introduced his male friend as his boyfriend, it screams gay. No one ever questioned why my wife's best friend had her own room in our home and seemed to always be visiting us when they came to see us. Try that with a guy and it will not fly. Life is not fair that way.
My two ladies felt no need to gain acceptance from family or friends. They did not need validation or feel that they were living a lie. They just felt that only those with a need to know, should know. If someone asked, they would have answered them truthfully but no one even did. Perhaps some suspected but we never found out about it. They did not have to hide much and no one but people we had sex with were in our bedroom so why bring drama into their lives when they were not restricted from living it the way they wanted to. We had a lesbian couple as friends in one place we lived in. They never told us they were lesbians in all of the 11 years we knew them. We assumed and eventually found out because one of them was on the radio talking about gay rights. They were able to live together in the same house, go out together and no one in the neighborhood ever said a thing about them. Not telling anyone did not interfere with their life.
Aside from not feeling a need to broadcast their sexuality, we moved away from our families. Only saw them on xmas most times. Each time we moved it was like starting our lives all over again. Both our our families would have disowned us. Me too since I had sex with two guys in my younger days, just to experience it. Liked the orgasms but no attraction to men unless surrounded by women and a lot of drinks in me. We lived life as a poly triad for 30 years. When our girlfriend wanted to get married for financial security and to have her own home and family, she went online and found a guy who was OK with her splitting her time between him and us. She found a way to make it work. We found a way to make it work. If we did not fit in where we were, we found someplace where we did fit in.
You face a much, much harder road and need to be sure he is really bi. I have know gay guys who cling to being bi because they are fooling themselves. If he acts stereotypically gay, you better make sure. I can think of 4 marriages with kids that ended when the husband finally realized he was gay and not bi. Even if he is bi, it is still going to be rough going unless you only tell those with a need to know and if that is not possible, do what we did and find a little slice of happiness in this prejudiced world and cling to it for as long as you can. Good luck. My wife prefers sex with women but has very intense orgasms with me too. However, she does not want to marry a woman, romance her or even date her. She just likes having sex with them. For all else she only wants me, with sex of course and she always included me when she had sex with her girlfriend, who also became my lover too. We lived in what is called a poly triad. Often it is FFM but a good number are also MMF. It works best if all three of you love one another or else you run into all sorts of jealousy provoking situations. Make it work. It can be done.
Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality when the choice is monogamy or your marriage.