Trying to make changes - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 02:59 PM Thread Starter
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Trying to make changes

Let me start out by saying that i love my wife so much! we have been married for 3 years this fall and it has been an adventure. at the beginning of our marriage i had a number of issues that i knew i needed to change and have made i feel significant progress on. one of them stems from the fact that i am a visual person (IE appearances matter to me). when my wife and i first met she had short pixie length hair. i'm not usually a fan of this look but i loved it on her and she really stood out to me from the moment i first met her. once we became engaged she told me she wanted to grow it back and i was ok with it. right before the wedding rolled around she asked me (since i had seen pictures of her with long hair) if i had a preference and i think it really surprised her(in a positive way) when i responded that i really thought the pixie cut worked well on her. one day after being married for about 2 weeks i got call from her saying she hated how her hair looked while it was growing out (she was currently at that "awkward stage" where she also is at this current time) and she was half tempted to go pixie again. i told her that it would not hurt my feelings if she did and it was her choice. she decided to cut it and kept it short for a few months and then told me she was thinking about growing it out again. i don't know what came over me but i became very vocal about my objection to this and said things like it hurt me that she would try to do that after she knew that i loved the short hair and took it as her being selfish and not thinking about me. that was wrong i know and i am ashamed of the way i acted at that time. whats worse was this argument happened 2 more times (a reason why i felt this was ok is because when we got married i was quite skinny and in an attempt to make my self better for her i had dedicated a lot of time and effort to filling out). finally i realized that my behavior towards her on this matter was completely unacceptable and i told her how sorry i was and that i wanted her to be happy and that if she wanted to grow her hair out i would support whatever she wanted. fast forward to what happened lats night/this morning. the last month has been very stressful for both of us. she just received a pay cut at her job because the store she works for is in financial trouble and she is having a hard time breaking into her chosen career. because of this she has been very depressed till recently and i have been doing the best i can to help her. this last week things have seemed to turn around for her which is great. but my week has been nothing but stress, so much to the point i am very worried about how i am going to handle things for the next 3 weeks where i work 6 days a week. last night everything finally hit me and since i have clinical depression i shut down. she was so sweet and was offering to do everything under the sun for me including bring back her Pixie cut which i still think is her most gorgeous look (she is stunning either way she comes there's just something about that particular look that in my eyes enhances all her best features. sorry if i sound like a pig) and i actually thought about saying yes because with that offer it brought some of those feelings back, i did tell her no though (it was actually surprisingly hard to do that). my concern is if she brings it up again i don't know if ill be able to say no again. like i said i think she is gorgeous either way but i am more attractive to that look (which i am not proud of. in my mind i should be equally attracted to any look she does). I'm afraid I'll tell her yes and then she'll do it just for me not because she wants to. but my question is is that a bad thing if she does something like that for me? is it wrong and show i have made no progress if i were to tell her yes?

any help or advice would be much appreciated

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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 03:15 PM
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Re: Trying to make changes

If money is an issue, agree that she will let if grow out longer to save on cuts.
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 06:50 PM
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Re: Trying to make changes

No offense, but really?

It's her hair and body. She can do whatever she wants with it. Give your opinion, and then let it go. If you love her, love her. Not her hair. Who she is inside is what matters, not her looks.

Good for you, really, if you think about it, because you can now have multiple looks from her!

For example, my wife likes to dye her hair burnt/hint of red at times. I hate it. I have never told her this, because she loves to do it. I love her natural black hair. I told her once, that I loved her jet black hair, and she changed her hair to it for a year. Just 2 days ago, she dyed it back to the reddish hue. I saw her, and was like, Wow, you changed your hair! It looks great. and left it at that.

Let your wife do whatever she wants with her hair.

Sounds like you have bigger issues then hair style to deal with.
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 06:53 PM
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Re: Trying to make changes

Women know that their appearance is important to their man. They want to know exactly what they need to do to be attractive in his eyes. From the makeup, to my clothes to the the type of panties he prefers. Knowing exactly what I need to do to look my best in his eyes is somewhat empowering. It's annoying when I ask my man, does he prefer my hair long or short and he tells me I look good no matter what. I'm sure in his head he thinks I will appreciate this compliment. But I don't just want to look good, I want to look as sexy as possible for him.

I think you were wrong to tell her no. By doing so you are denying her of an opportunity to help improve your mood and feel sexier about herself. Because we are nurturers, it is very important for a woman to feel that she has the ability to make her man feel better when something is wrong.

If she does end up cutting it to help your mood however, you best be damned sure your mood does indeed improve.

So no, nothing wrong with expressing a preference. Definitely not good idea to insist on it being a certain way however, that would be a bit controlling.
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 07:35 PM
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Re: Trying to make changes


Do both you and your man post on your account? I could swear sometime ago you referred to yourself as a "he". Or am I nuts?

@Elan Olliff
I think honesty is the best policy here. Tell her she knows you prefer the pixxie hair but you are not forcing her to do leave her hair that way. She is free to experiment.

Even if I don't get likes for it, I'm still going to say it.
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 07:36 PM
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Re: Trying to make changes

Originally Posted by EunuchMonk View Post

Do both you and your man post on your account? I could swear sometime ago you referred to yourself as a "he". Or am I nuts?
I wish! I've been trying to get him on here for a bit lol.

If I did, I must have made a mistake there.
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 10:55 PM
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Re: Trying to make changes

Of all the serious marital problems couples face, the length of you wife's hair is the crisis that is plaguing you?

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