Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Southern USA, but longtime NYC boy prior to our move.
Re: Marriage advice
Some women feel as you do and some do not. My wife has no problem with me watching porn. She used to watch it with me. She will even point out good looking women to me when we are out. We used to go to nude or topless beaches. We even engaged in some group sex and ended up with my wife sharing her girlfriend with me. She never gets jealous and knows that I love her above all others. We are married 44 years and that is a lot longer than some holier than thou couples we knew through the years who felt that the proper thing to do was to cheat and then get divorced, other wise known as serial monogamy.
Men are visual creatures as many studies have shown. Whether you catch them looking or not, they are going to look. That is why porn is directed towards men. They get aroused by seeing unlike women. Sometimes looking will provide the wife with a very horny husband who will direct all of his sexual energy towards her and no one else. Then you have to think about if you will do every little dirty thing he wants to do. If not, would you rather he cheat than watch it on porn and satisfy his sexual needs? The internet is full of sexually unhappy husbands whose only choice is fantasy or cheating.
We are raised to believe that when we are one half of a couple, we should derive all our happiness and pleasure from that single partner and only experience it together with that partner. Yet, this belief does not work as witnessed by our 50% divorce rate. What you feel is neither normal or abnormal. It is what you feel, neither wrong nor right but if it destroys your marriage, how right can it be. Perhaps you feel ownership of your husbands desires and happiness because that is what you and the rest of us were taught. We know no other way. As I say in my signature block, we rather be trapped in the morality we were born into and suffer its consequences rather than develop a morality that works for us as a couple.
Perhaps the problem is not your husband. He is just acting like most men do, but I am sure many wives would think otherwise. All of this boils down to that if it is a problem for you, it is a problem. We all make our own problems. My wife and I arranged our life so it was not a problem and therefore we led a happy and long life together.
Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality when the choice is monogamy or your marriage.