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post #46 of 61 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 09:30 PM
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Re: This should probably be a taboo subject

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Oh come on. I doubt there's a single husband out there who hasn't thought of his wife with a previous boyfriend and felt helpless because of it.
Not me.

Seriously I can't fathom why you would feel helpless because of it.

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post #47 of 61 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 09:47 PM
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Re: This should probably be a taboo subject

Why ask? Can you do anything about it? It's not like you can get some medical procedure to get a bigger one. Even if there was, I don't really want some doc with a sharp knife cutting down there!

Same with women getting their lips trimmed. Why the HELL do they do it! More area to twirl your tongue around!

I've hit my wife's cervix a few times. INSTANT end to the fun as it is painful for her.

Go to the gym and work on getting abs, lose any body fat you can, that will give the best chance of getting length on your penis. At least then you will get the side benefit of being healthy.

The only reason I know as much as I do about my wife's past boyfriend is the abusive rapist POS messed her up in regards to sex. If your wife does not have any abusive baggage in her past, count your blessings and enjoy having sex with her.
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post #48 of 61 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 10:52 PM
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Re: This should probably be a taboo subject

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Oh come on. I doubt there's a single husband out there who hasn't thought of his wife with a previous boyfriend and felt helpless because of it.
Right here.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #49 of 61 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 05:11 AM
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Re: This should probably be a taboo subject

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Haven't read all his posts.

Hope he beats it. Screws everything up.
Personal you missed ConanHubs pun!
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post #50 of 61 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 06:11 AM
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Re: This should probably be a taboo subject

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Personal you missed ConanHubs pun!
Thanks, it looks like I need new glasses!.

A tip of the hat to @ConanHub
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post #51 of 61 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 08:07 AM
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Re: This should probably be a taboo subject

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Oh come on. I doubt there's a single husband out there who hasn't thought of his wife with a previous boyfriend and felt helpless because of it.
Not me. I think most women I have been with or known have The one story about the anaconda in the pants. Doesn't bother me. I work at being a good lover by listening and asking questions not wishing for something that I don't have or couldn't have.


Second if you know you have RJ talking about any of this is not going to help. You should be one of those who never ever under any circumstances discusses their past or ask about your partners. Others, myself included, can talk about this stuff and we genuinely are never bothered by it.
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post #52 of 61 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 04:20 PM Thread Starter
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Point taken, all. I realize that my RJ is just a symptom of the underlying problem, which is I don't believe I deserve to be happy. So I've been sabotaging my relationships and I'm afraid I'm going to do the same to my marriage. I don't want to ruin my marriage, I genuinely love my wife. I've got to figure out why I hate myself so much and how to start loving myself. Easier said than done!
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post #53 of 61 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 04:22 PM
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Re: This should probably be a taboo subject

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Point taken, all. I realize that my RJ is just a symptom of the underlying problem, which is I don't believe I deserve to be happy. So I've been sabotaging my relationships and I'm afraid I'm going to do the same to my marriage. I don't want to ruin my marriage, I genuinely love my wife. I've got to figure out why I hate myself so much and how to start loving myself. Easier said than done!
You probably answered this already, but are you in counseling? IF so you really need to tell your therapist this. If not, you really need to get into some!
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post #54 of 61 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 04:31 PM Thread Starter
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You probably answered this already, but are you in counseling? IF so you really need to tell your therapist this. If not, you really need to get into some!
No, I'm not. My job recently changed and I'm waiting on new insurance to be available. I might be able to afford it without insurance, but not sure.

Oh and this is day 29 without any smokes at all! I think I've got the smoking cigars habit beat!
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post #55 of 61 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 04:37 PM
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Re: This should probably be a taboo subject

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I might be able to afford it without insurance, but not sure.
This attitude isn't helping.

I quit smoking cigars 14 months ago. I know how hard it is so HUGE KUDOS TO YOU for doing it for 29 days!!!!!!!! You've got it licked. Just don't do what I did many many times and think "Oh, I can just have ONE'. !!!

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post #56 of 61 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 05:53 PM
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Re: This should probably be a taboo subject

Has RJ been a problem in all of your relationships? Or, is the problem du jour?

What have you done to cause you to hate yourself?

What have you done to make yourself believe that you don't deserve to be happy?
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post #57 of 61 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 06:00 PM
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Re: This should probably be a taboo subject

Here's the problem with your question, you said helpless. Feeling helpless about something in her past and something you could never control is ridiculous. I get it when people reconcile and there is infidelity involved, but not with past girl or boyfriends.
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post #58 of 61 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 08:23 PM
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Re: This should probably be a taboo subject

CD,

As someone who has dealt with RJ on and off throughout my marriage I sympathize. My RJ is complex and involves deception but I can tell you I have never fanned the fire like you do. Of course it will never end if you do not stop with the ongoing interrogation.

Get some IC and get a referral from a trusted friend if you can.
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post #59 of 61 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 09:40 AM Thread Starter
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Has RJ been a problem in all of your relationships? Or, is the problem du jour?

What have you done to cause you to hate yourself?

What have you done to make yourself believe that you don't deserve to be happy?
It's been a problem with almost every relationship I've had. I self sabotage and look for the worst to happen. Even my first marriage ending was 50% my fault. I was hard to live with and was much worse off than I am now. I've since gotten on several medications. I'm not angry or depressed anymore but that sense of self loathing has never gone away. I suspect that my sense of self loathing has to do with my being a social outcast in high school. And I had a horrible acne problem so it was easy for everyone to push me away. I'm sure that made me angry. And instead of lashing outwardly at others I tend to turn my anger inward and direct it against myself. As a teen and young adult I did a lot of self cutting. I've contemplated suicide in the past but my religious upbringing taught me that suicide is a sin and that I'd go to hell for it, so I've never actually tried to kill myself. Probably more information than you wanted to know, but there it is. If I knew how to get over the self hate I would. It's too bad they don't make a pill to make you love yourself.
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post #60 of 61 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 09:54 AM
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Re: This should probably be a taboo subject

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It's been a problem with almost every relationship I've had. I self sabotage and look for the worst to happen. Even my first marriage ending was 50% my fault. I was hard to live with and was much worse off than I am now. I've since gotten on several medications. I'm not angry or depressed anymore but that sense of self loathing has never gone away. I suspect that my sense of self loathing has to do with my being a social outcast in high school. And I had a horrible acne problem so it was easy for everyone to push me away. I'm sure that made me angry. And instead of lashing outwardly at others I tend to turn my anger inward and direct it against myself. As a teen and young adult I did a lot of self cutting. I've contemplated suicide in the past but my religious upbringing taught me that suicide is a sin and that I'd go to hell for it, so I've never actually tried to kill myself. Probably more information than you wanted to know, but there it is. If I knew how to get over the self hate I would. It's too bad they don't make a pill to make you love yourself.
I repeat: GET INTO COUNSELING. It isn't a question of affording it. It's a question of, can you afford NOT to??? Read this as if it's a friend talking to you, and tell them what you think. Go on, DO it.
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