This should probably be a taboo subject - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 61 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 10:26 AM Thread Starter
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This should probably be a taboo subject

Somehow the wife and I got onto the subject of her past boyfriends. Remember I am retroactively jealous and trying my best to get over this condition. And I'm thinking the more exposure I have to my wife's past the more desensitized I will become to it. So far it's working, we've talked about her previous relationships before and it used to bother me, but not so much now because I'm realizing I can trust her.

So for some reason I had to take it up a notch yesterday. I dunno why I did, but I did. I asked about who of the guys she ever dated had the biggest penis. We've discussed this in the past but I asked it again yesterday. She told me again it was a biker dude that she briefly dated way before I came along. She said the guy ought to be a porn Star. In the past she told me it was too uncomfortable because it was so big, but yesterday when I had mentioned that she had only had sex w him a couple of times because it was uncomfortable she admitted that it was more than twice and it actually felt good. She only told me it was uncomfortable in the past because I was too sensitive and took the discussion the wrong way. So yesterday I didn't show any emotion, it was just a matter of fact discussion. But I have to admit to still being very jealous and a bit hurt that she told me a lie in the past, even if it was to protect my feelings. I'm no slouch in the penis dept, I'm about 6.5 inches with a sizable girth. But I find myself feeling jealous of this other guy. I asked for specifics on her sexual experience with this guy but she refused to go any further and said she was afraid I would just use it against her in the future.

So ladies, is this a subject you've discussed with your husbands? If not, would you discuss it with your husband? Guys, have you ever had this discussion with your wife? If so, and you weren't the biggest, did it make you feel jealous?

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post #2 of 61 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 10:46 AM
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Re: This should probably be a taboo subject

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So ladies, is this a subject you've discussed with your husbands? If not, would you discuss it with your husband? Guys, have you ever had this discussion with your wife? If so, and you weren't the biggest, did it make you feel jealous?
If my husband acted like you, I would either lie my face of to him so that he thought he was my very first, or throw everything I ever did in his face just to piss him off and shut him the hell up about it.

Seriously, dude, what is WRONG with you??

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

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post #3 of 61 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 10:54 AM Thread Starter
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If my husband acted like you, I would either lie my face of to him so that he thought he was my very first, or throw everything I ever did in his face just to piss him off and shut him the hell up about it.

Seriously, dude, what is WRONG with you??
I don't understand your vitriol towards me. Do my questions personally offend you in some way? I've acknowledged that I've had issues with retroactive jealousy and jealousy toward the guys she talks with at work. I'm working on my issues to be a better husband for her. She says my jealousy is the only thing wrong with me. She says in every other way I'm perfect for her.
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post #4 of 61 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 10:56 AM
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Re: This should probably be a taboo subject

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I don't understand your vitriol towards me. Do my questions personally offend you in some way? I've acknowledged that I've had issues with retroactive jealousy and jealousy toward the guys she talks with at work. I'm working on my issues to be a better husband for her. She says my jealousy is the only thing wrong with me. She says in every other way I'm perfect for her.
Not vitriol. More like incredulity. It blows my mind what you are putting yourself through. And you just keep doing it over and over and over and over................................. it's hard to watch.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

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post #5 of 61 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 10:58 AM
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Re: This should probably be a taboo subject

You need to get yourself under control or you are going to ruin your marriage. Why on earth would you ask such a question? Did you want her to lie? If shes slept with other men, then unless you are unusually large (which you already know if its true), its likely one of them was bigger.

I don't know what guys my wife slept with before me. I don't know how large they were, what sex acts the engaged in etc. She wasn't a virgin so I assume she engaged in a variety of sexual acts. I assume the ones she enjoyed she still does with me.



If this really mattered to you, you should have married a virgin, but you didn't.

She is with you because she loves you. Don't drive her away.
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post #6 of 61 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 11:06 AM
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Re: This should probably be a taboo subject

So ladies, is this a subject you've discussed with your husbands? If not, would you discuss it with your husband?

No. No. NO. Because it reeks of insecurity. It's like me asking my partner if his ex-girlfriends boobs/butt were bigger, stomach was flatter, face was prettier, vagina was tighter. He would look at me like I'm crazy. Rightfully so. Who the hell cares? Seriously. Ugh don't do it, that is such a turn off.
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post #7 of 61 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 11:06 AM Thread Starter
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You need to get yourself under control or you are going to ruin your marriage. Why on earth would you ask such a question? Did you want her to lie? If shes slept with other men, then unless you are unusually large (which you already know if its true), its likely one of them was bigger.

I don't know what guys my wife slept with before me. I don't know how large they were, what sex acts the engaged in etc. She wasn't a virgin so I assume she engaged in a variety of sexual acts. I assume the ones she enjoyed she still does with me.



If this really mattered to you, you should have married a virgin, but you didn't.

She is with you because she loves you. Don't drive her away.
Isn't it normal for a man to want to compare himself to other men? Kind of a male pissing contest? I would have thought that was common.
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post #8 of 61 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 11:13 AM
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Re: This should probably be a taboo subject

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Isn't it normal for a man to want to compare himself to other men? Kind of a male pissing contest? I would have thought that was common.
Not among secure men.

I gave up on those concepts/ideas way back in my 20's. I am who I am.

Why waste any energy comparing myself to someone else? Too much work, too much drama.

Why do you continue to skate uphill?

We protect ourselves from lies,
By fanatically holding to our own truths.
But when our truths turn to fanaticism,
Our truths become the Lie.
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post #9 of 61 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 11:19 AM
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Re: This should probably be a taboo subject

Good grief.

WHY are you doing this to yourself?

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #10 of 61 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 11:23 AM
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Re: This should probably be a taboo subject

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Not among secure men.
Exactly!

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post #11 of 61 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 11:28 AM
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Re: This should probably be a taboo subject

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She wasn't a virgin so I assume she engaged in a variety of sexual acts. I assume the ones she enjoyed she still does with me.
I really hope the OP gets anal, and if not I hope she's never done it.



Sigh, my wife gives me the speaking treatment.
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post #12 of 61 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 11:32 AM
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Re: This should probably be a taboo subject

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Isn't it normal for a man to want to compare himself to other men? Kind of a male pissing contest? I would have thought that was common.
I don't think it's normal or common. After all, what does it accomplish? Either you get fake reassurance, or you get a truth you may not be able to handle. You can't change the past, so there is no pissing contest to be had. I suppose you can take comfort in being her current choice, even if a past lover was bigger or better in some way. But, we all know that sex and relationships aren't single-faceted and focused only on genitalia -- someone before you could have had the best penis ever, and yet still have been lousy in a relationship.

If it doesn't bother you to know these things, and it makes no difference to how you feel about each other, then share away. Usually, it doesn't serve a useful purpose to pursue details, IMO. At best, you might learn about a technique that you can also use to improve your sex life together, but that's based on skill development, not on traits you cannot change.

Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

CELIBACY IS NOT HEREDITARY.
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post #13 of 61 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 11:36 AM
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Re: This should probably be a taboo subject

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Isn't it normal for a man to want to compare himself to other men? Kind of a male pissing contest? I would have thought that was common.
Sure, between MALES. And they all LIE about it. What you are doing to yourself is NOT normal, dude. Just STOP already.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

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post #14 of 61 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 11:37 AM Thread Starter
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Good grief.

WHY are you doing this to yourself?
Oh come on. I doubt there's a single husband out there who hasn't thought of his wife with a previous boyfriend and felt helpless because of it.
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post #15 of 61 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 11:38 AM
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Re: This should probably be a taboo subject

My husband has never asked about previous sexual encounters I had. The only reason I've asked HIM is because of an MC assignment. We volunteered info early on in a very general sense, but NEVER any details such as how big a penis was. If he EVER asked me what size his penis is in comparison to others I've had, I'd be sending him right back to IC to deal with his insecurities.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

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