Feel Unappreciated by My Husband
Hi All- looking for advice about my marriage.
Background: I've been married 2 years- we also have a beautiful 7 month-old son (also an awesome step-daughter from his previous relationship). We both work full-time (he works 12 hour shifts 3 to 4 days a week/ I have a traditional M - F 8 to 5). He is 33 and I am 35.
We both contribute equally to all of our joint expenses. I make all of the bill payments, take care of our son most of the time, cook, and keep a relatively clean house (dishes/mopping/dusting/washing). Although I will say I am not a huge fan of laundry, so sometimes I will leave our son's clothes in the dryer overnight if I do not get to folding. My husband goes to pick up baby formula and groceries for us on his off days. He also buys clothing for our son often. He is also a very organized person.
I try to cook at least 3 to 4 times per week because I know working 12 hour shifts is tough on my husband. There are some days where I may have a late night conference call for work around 9 pm, so on those days I do not have time to cook after bathing our son and feeding him once I get home from work.
Last night I had a conference call, so when my husband called me after he got off work, he asked "what's for dinner tonight?" I told him I was on the way to pick up some healthy take-out for us. Then it starts to rain during our conversation. I ask my husband if he wouldn't mind picking up the take-out on his way home (the place is 2 minutes from our home) instead because I didn't want to take our 7-month old outside in the rain since he was sick the previous few days.
He agreed, so I thought everything was ok. My son and I went home.
Once my husband got home, he gave me the silent treatment while I was feeding our son and getting him ready for a bath. I see my husband make his plate and I ask him if he would mind making a plate for me so that I could eat quickly after bathing our son before my conference call.
My husband goes OFF. He says, "You think I'm supposed to go to work and then come home and serve you!? WOW. Women in 2017 (shook his head)!"
I was sincerely hurt by this for a number of reasons. Mostly because I never looked at assisting or "serving" my husband as a chore or a tally of who is doing what. It made me feel like all the times I get up at 4 am with our son, go to work, come home and cook and "serve" him food means absolutely nothing to him. I have asked him to go to the store maybe 5 times since we have been together, and I rarely ask him to cook or prepare food.
On several occasions he has made reference to what I do not do well, and I receive no appreciation or recognition by him unless he wants something. When I talk to him about it he will apologize and then criticize or say something negative again a few days later. I feel like I am getting to a point of shutting down emotionally.