Relationship Access To Texts/Social Media/Cell Phone - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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View Poll Results: Should You Have Free Access To Your SOs Email/Passwords/Phone/Social Media Accounts?
Yes, if there is nothing to hide it should not be a problem 25 73.53%
No, it ain't none of your dang business 1 2.94%
It depends on the circumstance (i.e. lying, infidelity) 7 20.59%
Yes, only if it will get me laid 1 2.94%
Voters: 34. You may not vote on this poll

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post #16 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:13 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Relationship Access To Texts/Social Media/Cell Phone

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Originally Posted by Fozzy View Post
I have nothing to hide, but I still have curtains in my windows.
All I ask is that the curtains match the drapes ...

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post #17 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:22 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Relationship Access To Texts/Social Media/Cell Phone

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Originally Posted by tropicalbeachiwish View Post
@EllisRedding

Yes, if he asked & explained why, then I'd be fine with that.

However, if he asked & then proceeded to give an explanation that questioned my loyalty to him, I'd be hurt. And then, I'd have to wonder if he was projecting (thanks to TAM, a little paranoia).

If he did it behind my back, I'd be livid.
I hear ya on the TAM paranoia, got hit with a bit of it as well at times!

My W and I have never done anything to bring into question our loyalty to each other. If for whatever reason my W did ask, I would be willing to let her look through everything if that would help assuage (got this word from my "Word of the Day" toilet paper ) her concerns, but I would view it more as a one time thing and not unlimited open access.
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post #18 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:40 PM
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Re: Relationship Access To Texts/Social Media/Cell Phone

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Originally Posted by EllisRedding View Post
assuage (got this word from my "Word of the Day" toilet paper )
No you didn't, you got it from ME. Hmpf.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

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post #19 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:45 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Relationship Access To Texts/Social Media/Cell Phone

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No you didn't, you got it from ME. Hmpf.
Wait a sec, you created the Word of the Day toilet paper??? Oh man, you just went up a notch in my book
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post #20 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:49 PM
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Re: Relationship Access To Texts/Social Media/Cell Phone

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Wait a sec, you created the Word of the Day toilet paper??? Oh man, you just went up a notch in my book
Bout time someone recognized my worth.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

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post #21 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 03:11 PM
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Re: Relationship Access To Texts/Social Media/Cell Phone

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I actually think the way people treat their cell phones says a lot about them and their relationship potential.
So... If I guard it with my life, but also require that he do the same... we're good? 😂

Seriously, though, mine has the fingerprint and so does my husband's... And we both have our fingerprints in each other's phones.

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post #22 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 03:12 PM
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Re: Relationship Access To Texts/Social Media/Cell Phone

For me, it depends. I wouldn't give access or ask for access in a BF/GF type relationship, but I don't believe in privacy in a marriage.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #23 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 06:17 PM
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Re: Relationship Access To Texts/Social Media/Cell Phone

I have some reserves when it comes to this.

Like some posters here said, there comes a time when it's okay to share such private details. I'm not referring to the dating period(too soon for that), but when the relationship becomes exclusive and time goes on, I wouldn't mind sharing passwords. Although, I'd call it a lack of respect if he went on to my account without my permission [assuming I have already given him the passwords].

Even if I've got nothing to hide and he's free to lurk onto my accounts for as long as he wants, it's a bit of discomfort knowing that he wants to go through my private messages on FB with my girlfriends/family/relatives. We make inside jokes, share our thoughts, silly stuff or even a confidential talk that my friends don't want others to know. At the end of the day that's none of his business, right? So why give more access than needed?
If he goes around everything that's "mine", it's like like a breach of privacy, more related to lack of respect rather than out of fear of hiding something from him. Just as much as I'm for total openness, on the other hand there's gotta be a reason why he wants to lurk onto my stuff. If there's something specific he wants to see, I can happily show it to him with no reluctance.

It's the same as reading work emails. They are supposed to be confidential, right? Why should he have access to my work email?
That's over the top for me.

So I'd say, it depends.

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #24 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 06:48 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Relationship Access To Texts/Social Media/Cell Phone

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Originally Posted by lovelygirl View Post
I have some reserves when it comes to this.

Like some posters here said, there comes a time when it's okay to share such private details. I'm not referring to the dating period(too soon for that), but when the relationship becomes exclusive and time goes on, I wouldn't mind sharing passwords. Although, I'd call it a lack of respect if he went on to my account without my permission [assuming I have already given him the passwords].

Even if I've got nothing to hide and he's free to lurk onto my accounts for as long as he wants, it's a bit of discomfort knowing that he wants to go through my private messages on FB with my girlfriends/family/relatives. We make inside jokes, share our thoughts, silly stuff or even a confidential talk that my friends don't want others to know. At the end of the day that's none of his business, right? So why give more access than needed?
If he goes around everything that's "mine", it's like like a breach of privacy, more related to lack of respect rather than out of fear of hiding something from him. Just as much as I'm for total openness, on the other hand there's gotta be a reason why he wants to lurk onto my stuff. If there's something specific he wants to see, I can happily show it to him with no reluctance.

It's the same as reading work emails. They are supposed to be confidential, right? Why should he have access to my work email?
That's over the top for me.

So I'd say, it depends.
Wasn't thinking work email but that it is an interesting topic. As far as I am concerned, a SO has no right whatsoever to access work email (maybe the only possible excuse would be if there have been issues with workplace affairs).

In terms of accessing private messages/conversations, I agree with your thoughts. The problem as well, you should be able to talk freely with your friends/family. Can you really do that if you are now possibly filtering yourself b/c your SO is going to read through all your messages????
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post #25 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 07:00 PM
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Re: Relationship Access To Texts/Social Media/Cell Phone

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Originally Posted by EllisRedding View Post
Wasn't thinking work email but that it is an interesting topic. As far as I am concerned, a SO has no right whatsoever to access work email (maybe the only possible excuse would be if there have been issues with workplace affairs).
The policy at my workplace is that EVERY email is confidential and supposed to be read only by the sender and the receiver. Some companies, might predict exclusion during workplace affairs...but my company doesn't lay out such exclusion. Supposing I had a a workplace affair though, [with MY choice] I could show him the messages if he asked me to.

Quote:
In terms of accessing private messages/conversations, I agree with your thoughts. The problem as well, you should be able to talk freely with your friends/family. Can you really do that if you are now possibly filtering yourself b/c your SO is going to read through all your messages????
I don't have to do the filtering on MY OWN account, with MY OWN friends, for MY OWN talks..all of which is only MY OWN business and nobody else's. My partner should make no exclusion.
If he has trust issues, then it's his problem. It's not fair that I limit myself just because he has got nothing better to do but read and breach my privacy (without a reason).

That's why I'd think twice before giving him any password.


Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #26 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 07:41 PM
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Re: Relationship Access To Texts/Social Media/Cell Phone

One part of this I don't understand: If I were to do something underhanded, I would not use any easily traceable communication. I'd use throw-away emails accounts that I would only access through applications that don't leave obvious traces. I would not carry my cell to a tryst - my work sometimes puts me in locations where my cell can't be reached so that wouldn't be suspicious.

If the NSA wants to track me, they certainly can, but if I want to hide something it would take someone considerable effort to find it. Given her profession I expect my wife could do an even better job. We could play Spy vs. Spy but whats the point.

If my wife is having an affair, she can be pretty sure I won't find out. Same for me.
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post #27 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 11:01 PM
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Re: Relationship Access To Texts/Social Media/Cell Phone

My wife and I know each other's passwords and even have each other's fingerprints saved on our iPhones and laptops. We do not go looking for anything though because we respect each other's privacy. I also do maintenance on my wife's hardware so I am in and out of her hardware every few months. I just realized that the last sentance sounds dirty and I did not mean it to be that way.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality when the choice is monogamy or your marriage.
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post #28 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 11:23 PM
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Re: Relationship Access To Texts/Social Media/Cell Phone

Dating, no. Married, absolutely. I have nothing to hide.

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post #29 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 02:43 AM
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Re: Relationship Access To Texts/Social Media/Cell Phone

If married I am for full access. If just dating, even if living together, then no.
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post #30 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 11:47 AM
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Re: Relationship Access To Texts/Social Media/Cell Phone

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Originally Posted by uhtred View Post
One part of this I don't understand: If I were to do something underhanded, I would not use any easily traceable communication. I'd use throw-away emails accounts that I would only access through applications that don't leave obvious traces. I would not carry my cell to a tryst - my work sometimes puts me in locations where my cell can't be reached so that wouldn't be suspicious.

If the NSA wants to track me, they certainly can, but if I want to hide something it would take someone considerable effort to find it. Given her profession I expect my wife could do an even better job. We could play Spy vs. Spy but whats the point.

If my wife is having an affair, she can be pretty sure I won't find out. Same for me.
Often there are signs apart from electronic evidence. Lipstick on the collar for example If all you concentrate on is the electronic trail, you're bound to miss something!!

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

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