Relationship Access To Texts/Social Media/Cell Phone - Talk About Marriage
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View Poll Results: Should You Have Free Access To Your SOs Email/Passwords/Phone/Social Media Accounts?
Yes, if there is nothing to hide it should not be a problem 25 73.53%
No, it ain't none of your dang business 1 2.94%
It depends on the circumstance (i.e. lying, infidelity) 7 20.59%
Yes, only if it will get me laid 1 2.94%
Voters: 34. You may not vote on this poll

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post #1 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 01:15 PM Thread Starter
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Relationship Access To Texts/Social Media/Cell Phone

Been a while since I saw this topic on TAM, so thought it would be good to start a fresh thread.

Do you think that as soon as you enter into a relationship with someone else, this entitles you to free access of all their social media accounts (i.e. cell phone, texts, Facebook, email, password sharing, etc...)? This topic came up today on a radio station I was listening to, and there seemed to be mixed responses. The callers who felt that they are entitled to free access took the viewpoint that you should have no problems giving free access if you have nothing to hide. Others stated that unless this was due to a special circumstance, then no, you shouldn't have free access. I recall a while back a poster here commented that they viewed social media access like maintenance on a car. In the same way you periodically do maintenance on a car to make sure all is in good working order, you should periodically go through each person's accounts for relationship maintenance.

I prefer to take the stance that unless there is a specific reason (i.e. some form of infidelity) you aren't entitled to free access. Now that being said, I don't hide any passwords from my W (i.e. she can just hop on my computer at any time and access my accounts). I would be annoyed if she decided to go through my accounts without asking me first (I have nothing to hide aside from an extensive midget porn collection ). If she asked me first and explained exactly why she needed to access, I would be happy to oblige.

I actually have one friend where his W would insist she needs to use his phone to look something up on the internet, when hers is right next to her... She would grill him about why he had a password on his phone and his answer about it due to accessing his work email wasn't good enough. He used the fingerprint option, turns out when he was asleep she would take his thumb to access the phone lol.

So, what is your stance TAMers???

EDIT - assuming you believe you should have access, is there a certain point in a relationship where the access should begin (i.e. should it be while dating, when you decide to go exclusive, only when you get married, etc...)?


Last edited by EllisRedding; 03-07-2017 at 01:32 PM.
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post #2 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 01:27 PM
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Re: Relationship Access To Texts/Social Media/Cell Phone

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Originally Posted by EllisRedding View Post
He used the fingerprint option, turns out when he was asleep she would take his thumb to access the phone lol.

So, what is your stance TAMers???
My stance is not wide when using public bathrooms at Airports.

He needs to use his penis to unlock his phone. It too, has a unique pattern on the head.

This will be beneficial to him. Sex will be continuous. He still gets her fingers on his peter even when she is mad...and cuts him off.

Oooh, that does not sound good, after all!

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #3 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 01:28 PM
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Re: Relationship Access To Texts/Social Media/Cell Phone

When you say enter into a relationship, are we talking just dating? I'm nowhere near ready to date again, but you can be sure he won't have access to anything of mine. No, I have nothing to hide, but that's my business. I also don't give my SS# or the kids' SS# to doctors, etc. Nor, do I give out my phone number or emails to stores that ask. I guess I value my privacy. While married (except the last few years), ex knew my login information. Though, he did gain access of my devices via remote access. I guess he was trying to dig up bad information since he knew I was done. He never did find anything because there was nothing to find...except my escape plan. I have no doubt he was in my bank account and credit cards, too. Sorry for the ramble.
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post #4 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 01:30 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Relationship Access To Texts/Social Media/Cell Phone

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When you say enter into a relationship, are we talking just dating? I'm nowhere near ready to date again, but you can be sure he won't have access to anything of mine. No, I have nothing to hide, but that's my business. I also don't give my SS# or the kids' SS# to doctors, etc. Nor, do I give out my phone number or emails to stores that ask. I guess I value my privacy. While married (except the last few years), ex knew my login information. Though, he did gain access of my devices via remote access. I guess he was trying to dig up bad information since he knew I was done. He never did find anything because there was nothing to find...except my escape plan. I have no doubt he was in my bank account and credit cards, too. Sorry for the ramble.
Good question, and honestly, I imagine everyone will have a different interpretation of when in a relationship it would be considered appropriate. I will add this question to my OP, thanks for the feedback
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post #5 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 01:30 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Relationship Access To Texts/Social Media/Cell Phone

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My stance is not wide when using public bathrooms at Airports.

He needs to use his penis to unlock his phone. It too, has a unique pattern on the head.

This will be beneficial to him. Sex will be continuous. He still gets her fingers on his peter even when she is mad...and cuts him off.

Oooh, that does not sound good, after all!
Hmmm ... log in with a penis scanner ... what would the female equivalent be???
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post #6 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 01:36 PM
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Re: Relationship Access To Texts/Social Media/Cell Phone

Ok, you never fail to make me giggle. Today, you're on a roll. Did you get laid last night? I almost answered "Yes, but only if it gets me laid", just for ****s and giggles but I didn't. I answered "It depends. . . .".

Straight into a relationship, I would say Its none of your business. But once you've agreed to be exclusive then I think transparency is good. However, certain people just take it way too far. Maybe I'm just a private person. I haven't nothing to hide (except maybe TAM), but I would feel violated if my husband went through my phone, pc, kindle, etc. It just bothers me.

"Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow."
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post #7 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 01:42 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Relationship Access To Texts/Social Media/Cell Phone

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Ok, you never fail to make me giggle. Today, you're on a roll. Did you get laid last night? I almost answered "Yes, but only if it gets me laid", just for ****s and giggles but I didn't. I answered "It depends. . . .".

Straight into a relationship, I would say Its none of your business. But once you've agreed to be exclusive then I think transparency is good. However, certain people just take it way too far. Maybe I'm just a private person. I haven't nothing to hide (except maybe TAM), but I would feel violated if my husband went through my phone, pc, kindle, etc. It just bothers me.
To answer your first question, no such luck last night... However, yesterday morning, pretty much doubled my output for 2017 lol ...



I agree with you, so the question for you, if your H asked you if he could access and explained why, would you feel better about? I think with me, doing so behind my back is what I would have an issue with (i.e. feel violated).
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post #8 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 01:55 PM
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Re: Relationship Access To Texts/Social Media/Cell Phone

I think that if the question needs to be raised, there's a need for total access. If one partner is feeling insecure for WHATEVER reason, then the other should be more than willing to give them unhindered access to help them out. Or, if it's more convenient for a couple to share devices then they should share the passwords. If I was on a first date and they grabbed my phone and asked for the password, there'd be no second date that's for sure - I don't think it starts when you first meet someone. But there comes a point where it IS appropriate. What that point is will differ - for me it would probably be when I am comfortable enough and think enough of someone to have sex with them.

A relationship should be based on mutual things. I have trust issues. If for whatever reason I was thinking of getting into a third marriage, one thing that would be a dealbreaker for me would be whether he was willing to share his passwords and such things. If he doesn't want to help me out in that way, I don't want to be in a relationship with him. And not only share them, but do so without reservation. Ideally, he'd VOLUNTEER them. To me, that shows respect for me and a desire to assuage my feelings.
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post #9 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 01:56 PM
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Re: Relationship Access To Texts/Social Media/Cell Phone

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Did you get laid last night? I almost answered "Yes, but only if it gets me laid"
No, and I did.

I only ever dated pre-internet, and want to keep it that way. Forget about exchanging passwords, I hear that even the timing of when to become Facebook friends can be fraught with drama.



Sigh, my wife gives me the speaking treatment.
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post #10 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 01:59 PM
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Re: Relationship Access To Texts/Social Media/Cell Phone

I actually think the way people treat their cell phones says a lot about them and their relationship potential.

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post #11 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:00 PM
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Re: Relationship Access To Texts/Social Media/Cell Phone

Really none of the above for me. I don't take any care to secure my social media data, and sometimes leave accounts logged in, but at the same time I don't specifically give my wife passwords unless there is a reason she needs access. Same for her.

If I wanted to hide something, it wouldn't be on social media. I do have some fairly secure access that I use for example to access TAM.

We both have work email accounts that we are not allowed to share.
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post #12 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:00 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Relationship Access To Texts/Social Media/Cell Phone

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No, and I did.

I only ever dated pre-internet, and want to keep it that way. Forget about exchanging passwords, I hear that even the timing of when to become Facebook friends can be fraught with drama.
Post-Internet dating sounds scary to me lol. I guess the one big plus, you can just break up with someone by changing your Facebook status to Single!
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post #13 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:01 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Relationship Access To Texts/Social Media/Cell Phone

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I actually think the way people treat their cell phones says a lot about them and their relationship potential.
So how about the person who needs to trade in their phone every year for the latest/greatest model???
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post #14 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:08 PM
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Re: Relationship Access To Texts/Social Media/Cell Phone

@EllisRedding

Yes, if he asked & explained why, then I'd be fine with that.

However, if he asked & then proceeded to give an explanation that questioned my loyalty to him, I'd be hurt. And then, I'd have to wonder if he was projecting (thanks to TAM, a little paranoia).

If he did it behind my back, I'd be livid.

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post #15 of 35 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:12 PM
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Re: Relationship Access To Texts/Social Media/Cell Phone

I have nothing to hide, but I still have curtains in my windows.

Darling it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me! --- Sebastian
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