Ex won't stop contacting me no matter what I do
Deleted everything, just incase. Anyways, the problem in this thread was an obsessive ex won't stop contacting no matter how much I asked for him to leave me alone, and then used threats and blackmail. This isn't the first time. But this is what you do no matter how hard it is, how manipulative it can be, or how much fear and worry it will be.
If you want to move on from an obsessive, manipulative, abusive, toxic person you were in a relationship with, and save yourself from worry and fear, follow these steps. I wish I had have done that in the first place and saved my heart years from pain but manipulation and fear can really screw you over.
1. You MUST stop all contact. Literally delete everything e.g. chats, photos, videos, number, apps etc. You MUST get to the root and kill it. Delete everything so that you don't have any excuse for you to be tempted to make contact, and for the other person to find it impossible to even contact you. Though it can be a pain, change your number, email addresses, accounts etc. Don't go back, don't have mercy, and don't you even try to sympathise with a manipulative person. Just cut all ties. If you do this: a) He/she may still try contact you, but as long as you deleted everything they will soon get over it; b) You save yourself from so much problems.
2. Do not try to feel sorry and go back on your decision and kid to yourself that you will just keep contact and 'nothing' more will happen. Do you know why? Because this obsessive stalker or whatever they are, will try say things like 'let's stay friends', 'I just want to check on you from time to time' just so they can keep a grip on you. Slowly without realising you will end up where you began (speaking from experience). Therefore, do not fall for this trap!
3. If you could not follow through with steps 1 and 2, and for those who were like me who felt sympathy, guilt and attachment to a manipulator and thought to yourself 'it's over, what could he/she possibly do' and then in a few weeks or months change your mind to wanting to completely remove him/her from your life because you felt tied down, BUT then faced with blackmail and threats, DO NOT even try to fix the problem or negotiate. Once this person blackmails or threatens you, he/she will try make you think they have something on you, the worry and fear will start to build inside you, you will try to do what they say just so what they say does not happen. If you were threatened and decided not to leave the relationship because you feared what they will do to you, you are going to feel like you are taking your full precautions every minute. If you had a bit of trust in this person, after a blackmail or threat is made that trust is diminished entirely and the relationship will never be the same. You will always be worried that if you do something wrong they will threaten or blackmail you again. They will manipulate you in staying thinking there is no other way. Emotionally and mentally you will feel trapped with no choice.
So, how do you get out of this? How do you respond to a threat or blackmail? From experience, if you are being threatened or blackmailed, do not let your fear try to run your actions (Though it's harder than said). Immediately, ignore, don't respond, and do what is required in step 1. Remove and delete every contact you have with this person. Don't even think about responding to these threats, from experience, a) it will add more fuel to the fire, b) it makes you look emotionally weak and fearful c) it will continue as long as you keep responding (lesson learnt). Don't even make compromises and don't even send anything if asked (most likely a person will ask of such an action because they possess nothing from you, but will try in a subliminal way to get something from you). DELETE EVERYTHING. Sooner or later after 24 hours of constant worry you will find that his/her threats are just empty words without action. For example, if a person tries to threaten you or your family, uses profane language, violence etc. and does nothing within a few hours or even a day. It was an empty threat. Move on and don't even think about contacting this person ever again.
4. Now, if you feel that something is going to happen. It is so important that you don't keep this bottled up inside you by yourself. It is important that if you feel danger let someone know about it i.e. parents, friend, partner etc. Do not keep it to yourself, it will eat you up and will keep you emotionally and mentally down. You need the support of people in this time. If something is to happen, at least you will know that you have confessed to someone than for them to find out by this manipulator.
5. Before, or even after something like this happens. As a lawyer, you will be deemed a victim for anything that is published without consent and is used for defaming you. Seek the police and legal advice as soon as possible if the problem you are facing is of serious concern.
As a person that has been manipulated greatly by such a person and didn't follow any of the rules stated above and only did so after it ruined so many years of my life. The best way to get out of all this before it reaches to the stage of threats and blackmail is to completely cut off all contact for good. Definitely do not compromise or even think about staying as 'friends' with an obsessive crazy manipulator stalker. Get out from the beginning before it gets worse. Trust me.
I hope this helps anyone that is facing a crazy person that won't let them go and doesn't take no as an answer. Therefore, kill the root of the problem at it's early stages.
Last edited by zio; 03-12-2017 at 10:14 AM.