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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 08:30 PM Thread Starter
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Working with Husband.

I'll just start from the beginning.

My husband and I were high school sweethearts, we broke up for over 20 years. We each had families with other people, and he found me 20 years later on the internet through a school site. Fast forward, we've been together for 11 years now and married last September.

I am not a nice person, I'll just get that out there now. I was alone with my kids for a LONG time before husband showed up, and I was the only one in charge. Therefore it has been a struggle for me to take on the more "submissive" role of wife. I am bossy, controlling, and expect things done when I say to get it done. That's my nature and that's how I kept 2 sons and myself alive with no child support for almost 15 years.

Well sons are now moved out and adults doing their own thing now. 2 years ago, I started having panic attacks, never had one in my life before. I was very sick in truth I had a full blown nervous breakdown, I've been off work now for 2 years, and I don't see that changing anytime soon. As bad as it's been for me, it's been just as hard on my husband who doesn't know how to help me.

Well, the problem started 2 years ago before I got sick..For the first ten years, my husband was a company driver as a long haul driver. The absence was never a problem as neither of us are clingy, insecure people. Everything was going along rather smoothly, not perfect, but not awful either. Our bills were always paid, I take care of the finances in our family as he is gone too often. When we started my husband had HORRIBLE credit, badly damaged from previous marriage. He got a proposal, cleaned up the old bills, finished paying his child support for his two children and I worked for 10 years to build up his credit. While ignoring my own..YES, bad decision on my part. Anyway.

So, ten years I build up the credit to the point we've got a new vehicle, saved up for a down payment to buy a house, all bills are paid, got approved for a mortgage....PICKED out a house....

Husband comes home two days later, informs me his company has been taken over by a new company and the boss just offered him a new rig to become an owner operator...AND HE TOOK IT!

Call the bank the next day, guess who doesn't qualify for a mortgage now as new business owners..There goes the house...

And the panic attacks start.

So, here we are two years later...Taxes aren't done, bills are falling behind, payments bouncing through our account....All to keep putting money in this rig. Yes, I'm a little bit enraged.

They say love is blind, it must be...He's the apple of my eye, and yet I can see the financial train wreck I'm taking with him.

LORD almighty it feels good to get this out.

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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 09:01 PM
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Re: Working with Husband.

God Bless the men who drive those big rigs for a living.

It takes nerves of steel to thread through heavy traffic pulling 10 tons behind you.

Yeah, he was snookered. By him owning the truck, he cut their costs in half.

Each new tire costs ~$600.

Oil must be changed weakly.....cost $150 dollars.

Fuel costs? Forget it.

Motors last 3 years.

Insurance? dunno, maybe $3000 annually?

The only way this would have paid off was, if he had the accounts....and lucrative ones at that.

The little guy gets it in the butt.

Keep him...F.the money!

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 09:04 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Working with Husband.

Yes, I'm just about ready to gather our bills and off to the proposal office ....We both can't take this anymore, I feel like we're racing to see who will have the heart attack first. We just got married in Sept and it's just been miserable since...Not because of him specifically, but because we're weighed down and we know we're not going to make it with this. But I feel awful at the same time because he loved being an O/O....

But I'm still SO angry at him for doing this, we're both in our mid 40's now...Another ten years to build our credit again...Fabulous.
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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 12:28 AM
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Re: Working with Husband.

Ugh... that sucks!

Sounds like this is going to be a lot of work to get things back on track. Is he going to get rid of the rig and find a job as an employee?

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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 12:47 AM
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Re: Working with Husband.

Lot of work to get things back on track!!


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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 02:04 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Working with Husband.

No, we actually spoke tonight. He knows we're in a tight spot but he still wants to try and push through. We've already invested 2 years and a LOT of money into this rig. Truck will be paid in full in 3 years.

I could have supported him more on this if we started this 20 years ago, but that's not the reality here. I guess I just wanted someone to validate my anger in this. But beyond my anger, I still have a decision to make, do I hang on and see it through with him? Or do I bail now and well, I just don't know.
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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 02:11 AM
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Re: Working with Husband.

That's a tough decision to make.

About how much less does he bring home now as comparted to when he was working as an employee? (stating in percentages would do).

You said that you are not working right now. If you bail, wouldn't you need to get a job?

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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 03:04 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Working with Husband.

Quote:
Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
That's a tough decision to make.

About how much less does he bring home now as comparted to when he was working as an employee? (stating in percentages would do).

You said that you are not working right now. If you bail, wouldn't you need to get a job?


It fluctuates so much I couldn't even give a percentage, but the costs of maintaining the truck is taking a rather large enough chunk that I'm stealing from Peter to pay Paul almost every single pay period now. It's right down to if truck needs this, that isn't going to get paid and it's going to bounce.

I already know I'm not going anywhere, even if I left and went back to work and lived alone again. I wouldn't be happy without him.

It's just been disheartening to work all those years towards the goal, and the game got changed. I already married him, so I have to see this through with him. But it is helping ME to be able to get this out so I can cope better.
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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 07:32 AM
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Re: Working with Husband.

Obviously he had no right to make that kind of financial commitment without talking it over with you, but that's water under the bridge now.

If being an owner/operator is causing you financial ruin then what's the point? You tried but it's not working out, I think the goal now should be to cut your losses. Maybe you can sell the truck for what's owed or even a small loss, but better to do that than go further and further into the debt hole.

Another thought….could it be possible your finances are being mismanaged? Are you truly aware of where all your money is going? Have you cut back on non essentials? Many people get in trouble simply because they don't track there spending and look at the 1 month, 3 month, 6 month totals.

Bottom line is if running the rig is breaking you it's time to get rid of it.
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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 02:43 PM Thread Starter
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Angry Re: Working with Husband.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cooper View Post
Obviously he had no right to make that kind of financial commitment without talking it over with you, but that's water under the bridge now.

If being an owner/operator is causing you financial ruin then what's the point? You tried but it's not working out, I think the goal now should be to cut your losses. Maybe you can sell the truck for what's owed or even a small loss, but better to do that than go further and further into the debt hole.

Another thought….could it be possible your finances are being mismanaged? Are you truly aware of where all your money is going? Have you cut back on non essentials? Many people get in trouble simply because they don't track there spending and look at the 1 month, 3 month, 6 month totals.

Bottom line is if running the rig is breaking you it's time to get rid of it.


I don't disagree, that's how I see it at this time. But he wants to hang on a bit longer to see how we do. He's a good man, he works very hard. I want for nothing with him. If we have the funds and I want it, whatever it is, it's mine to have. I am not a spending wife though, I am careful. I don't go to salons, bingo, this or that, anything I spend goes into the house or into his rig.

One of the biggest problems I have with him is he is not the most articulate man on the planet, God bless him. I do all the talking when it comes to our finances, I just have the knack for it that he doesn't, and that's fine..But many times when something needs dealt with he's out on the road, and something I could have handled can't be handled because they need to deal with him legally. Very frustrating...Especially when he's a "I'll call them tomorrow" kind of guy....

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post #11 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 08:02 PM
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Re: Working with Husband.

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Originally Posted by wopette View Post
I don't disagree, that's how I see it at this time. But he wants to hang on a bit longer to see how we do. He's a good man, he works very hard. I want for nothing with him. If we have the funds and I want it, whatever it is, it's mine to have. I am not a spending wife though, I am careful. I don't go to salons, bingo, this or that, anything I spend goes into the house or into his rig.

One of the biggest problems I have with him is he is not the most articulate man on the planet, God bless him. I do all the talking when it comes to our finances, I just have the knack for it that he doesn't, and that's fine..But many times when something needs dealt with he's out on the road, and something I could have handled can't be handled because they need to deal with him legally. Very frustrating...Especially when he's a "I'll call them tomorrow" kind of guy....

Your husband can, and should, appoint you POA for while he is on the road. This is routine not only for O/Os but long haul drivers. In fact, many companies insist on it. Since you two are married, there should be anything you cannot address while he is away.

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post #12 of 12 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 08:23 PM
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Re: Working with Husband.

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Originally Posted by IamSomebody View Post

Your husband can, and should, appoint you POA for while he is on the road. This is routine not only for O/Os but long haul drivers. In fact, many companies insist on it. Since you two are married, there should be anything you cannot address while he is away.

IamSomebody

I was about to suggest this.

And maybe go further and make you part of his owner/operator company and you basically run the business end of things. So he just tells them to talk to you for a lot of things.

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