Hello all..Im new to this forum and am glad I came across it.
I'm hoping I can get some honest nuetral advice or input and I will attempt to tell you my issue as un biased as I can.
First some facts that might help you understand a little better what is going on.
- My wife and I are 12 years apart. Im 42 she is 30
- She comes from a semi wealthy family ...I do not.
- Her family is of a completely different culture than mine and does not really approve of our maraige.
- my wife was touched in the wrong places by a family associate as a child for 2 years
- I have a close/ friendship type relationship with my mother
- We just had a new baby
- There is a 11 year old son she has from a previous relationship who I have taken in as my own (love him!)
My wife has formed this opinion about my mother that I believe is unfounded. In adition she has also formed this opinion about me that accuses me of being a mamas boy. Heres why according to my wife..
When we first got married she moved in with me ..my mom..and my sister. This was 5 years ago. My mom was territorial..and skeptical because my first wife was evil.. This led to my mom doing and saying things that were inappropriate but not defcon 5.
ex: when we were out she went into my room to vacuum and borrowed two dollars off of my table. ...
Ex2 she told my wife that she wasnt going to be pushed out and that she had to adjust to how she(my mom) had to do things because she (my wife) was coming into an already running situation. I've acknowledged these things were wrong..I even took my mom out to talk to her about them in defense of my wife. Several little things like that have transpired over the years But nothing on a regular weekly basis.
The other incident my wife just cannot let go of is two summers ago I literally got laid off from 5..count them..5 jobs in a row!! I have a steady one now but you can imagine the strain that put on us. When I got let go of the 3rd job after having it a month..I didnt know how to tell my wife. I knew she would be more than dissappointed and feared how she would look at me...I called my mom first to ask her how I should break it to my wife. THAT WAS A HUGE NO NO apparantly. This is the MAIN example she uses to say I put my mother ahead of her. AM I tripping? Is she right??
We go to my parents apartment quite often like once a week to eat dinner after church...Generally seem to have a good time but my wife gets home and always has a new bone to pick with my mother.
She tells me I'm putting my mother before her but cant tell me how when I ask her to clarify.
I don't talk to my mom everyday
I don't seek her approval for things
I don't compare my wife to my mom ever
I don't let my parents pop up at my house un-announced
I don't choose my mothers opinion over my wifes.
With all that ...she STILL vehemently thinks I am a mamas boy and it is putting tremendous strain on our marraige.
She thinks my mother is a liar and pushy and manipulative etc...which are ALL traits that are the exact opposite of what I have know this woman to be all my adult life. I KNOW my mom has flaws and have expressed that numerous times to my wife...but to no avail. I feel like I have to now vilify my mom in order for my wife to be appeased.
Can anyone provide some insight?