Re: Getting Over An Affair
Sorry OP, but it sounds like you handled this all wrong.
Still a lot to know and do.
First of all about knowing what happened. Did you find out or did she confess on her own. If you found out, how did you find out ? If she told you on her own, what was her reason for telling you ? Did she trickle truth you at first ? Has she written down a timeline of what happened and when and where ? Does she now answer all your questions truthfully ? Questions like how many times, when and where, sexual positions, did she do anything with him (kinky or otherwise) that she didn't do with you sexually, were "I love you's" exchanged, did she ever say anything about you to him, did she have him in your house, your bed, did she enjoy sex with him more than you etc etc. Did any of her friends or family know and cover for or help her with the affair. These are all questions that could be lurking in your mind and festering and she has to be able to answer truthfully or you can never heal.
The sad truth is that you will probably never get all these answers unless she is truly remorseful, has empathy with you and truly is in love with you again. Which brings me to the second issue. Is she really remorseful ? It doesn't sound like it as she is in damage limitation and recovery with you as Plan B. Did the POSOM dump her ? How did it end ? It sound like she regrets being caught or this coming out however it did - but to be truly remorseful, she should be doing stuff on her own without prompting from anyone - like answering all your questions, coping with your mood swings, understanding triggers and being much more sensitive and proactive in helping you heal. She should be on her knees, snot nosed begging for you to give her chance and she should be saying things like even if you divorce me I will continue to work on making things better for us. Somehow, I doubt that she is actually there.
Which brings me to what you need to do next. You need to make sure that her affair is exposed and better still, if she comes clean to both sets of parents and friends. You need to file for divorce and she needs to give you a very amicable divorce and not make things difficult. Then maybe if you feel like you could date and see if getting back together is an option.
At the very least you need to dump her and do the 180 to help you heal whilst protecting your assets. And DNA your kid as this may not have been her first rodeo.
A lot to do and I wouldn't let it linger in limbo like this.
This is my quest, to follow that star
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far
To fight for the right, without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause